I do not know how to commit sexually

because all of my sexual experiences have been use and abuse type.

I am traumatised for life in the sexual commitment sector, or so it defo seems to me,

I just fear it happening so much, again, that I have now become so protective of myself sexually that I simply do not actually know how to sexually commit, without living in distress.

My private part has just had enough, I think.

Casual sex is a different story. But IDK if I am in the mood for that. I worry that I will fall in love with the causal partner and then the sex is of the type that I fear, if that makes sense to you fellow internet people.

Can anyone relate, what are your stories? on that…

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IDK if I am interested in casual sex

I dont think sex is that big a deal, if you love the person you will want to commit to him and thats a natural process, over time you love your partner more and more and trust gets built up and then you know you are both 100% 2 as 1 and then you could take it to the next step if you wanted to,

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that is the problem…I cannot see myself knowing that I will not be used and abused again, sexually and emotionally combined. That fear, It creates a wall between me and any potential partner, in terms of sexual commitment joy.

Which is why I have to take it out the equation.


I think its a trust issue but idk it might be better to talk to a professional about these things



I like to check in with you guys too just in case anyone can relate and I feel less alone

or to hear ideas.

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Thankyou for your contribution to the thread

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To be perfectly honest,

I actually feel like I want to look different down there and the fact that I do not, means that I feel not as attractive as the others, and I want to be the best. If I am not the best or one of the best then I cannot be bothered, with sexual commitment because my down there region will feel under appreciated and that will be too much to bear. (at least that is what the voices tell me and you know, it is hard to ignore that)

but it is not the end of the world, because as amazing as sex may be, it is not everything in life.

thank gosh for that.

I am learning to accept my uniqueness, slowly and hopefully… so then I do not need to wish for something that I do not have, hopefully.

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I’m probably the worst peerson to talk to about relationship though, i had one for aabout 13years but it was more just supporting each other, i really do love her for helping me all those years though, my recent thing (i wouldnt call it a relationship) was a bit of a disaster, I’m 38 and have only had one real relationship :frowning: pretty sad i guess.


totally agree with you!

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38 is still young, you have plenty of time ahead of you…

It sounds like that 13 year relationship was not too bad…good going :slight_smile: I am happy for you…

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I haven’t had sex in years. God do I miss it too.

Try not to worry because chemistry really is the key to a successful relationship.

Sometimes it can be with someone who you wouldn’t traditionally find attractive, but then if you get to know them they become very sexually desirable to you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is maybe just look for someone to be friends with and build up chemistry over time.

That makes for a lot healthier relationship than one night stands.


Thankyou for your advice, Monte :butterfly: :ear_of_rice: :butterfly: :penguin: :sloth: :panda_face:


Ahem! I see you didn’t show beetles any love with those emojis! :face_with_raised_eyebrow:


I’m just giving you a hard time. :stuck_out_tongue:


I would still fear the sexual commitment thing

but I like that you said chemistry is the key to a successful relationship instead of sex being the key…however…I do not really know what chemistry is? Is it just the ‘clicking’ of two people?

:heart: :heart_decoration: :heart: :heart_decoration: :heart: :heart_decoration: :heart: (some love for you :crazy_face: )

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I’m 61 now, and the last time I had sex was the summer of 2005, 15 years ago when I was 46. I was extremely sexually active when I was young, and have enough thank you. I’ve have been keeping my orientation as gay, but yesterday decided to switch to asexual. I just don’t get turned on anymore by either men or women.


Awww shucks! :blush:

Yeah, I define chemistry as like when all the little things click.

Like if they laugh at all your jokes. Or you go shopping together and you like what each other picks out for an outfit. Having the same kinds of taste in movies. Finishing each others sentences sometimes.

These are just examples though.

Does this all make sense?

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Thankyou for sharing with me, Mike1, I appreciate it.

I hope that being asexual is something that you are comfortable, happy with.

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yes it does :flushed:, it sounds nice.

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