My brother is right.
And I’ve been thinking of it more and more.
I was a real pompous self centered selfish prick for most of my life.
I wasn’t a good son, brother, friend or husband.
It’s all coming back to me now like a flood!
I do however blame my manias and grandiosity.
I told my brother that now that I’m properly medicated I’m no longer the center of the universe.
No wonder he holds so much animosity towards me!
Some of the stuff I did was was downright despicable.
Wow. That’s hard to deal with. You’ve come a long way to be able to admit that. I guess it’s proof of how important meds are. Can you apologize and make amends for past behaviors?
There are too many people to apologize to.
But I’ve apologized to my brother but I don’t think he can fully forgive me.
I really do blame my mental illness though.
I feel that I’m a good human being at my core.
I agree completely. Just commit to always reporting symptoms to your pdoc and always taking your meds. That’s the best way to make amends
Yeah thanks @LilyoftheValley
Yes, I agree, that is a lot to deal with. I’m sorry it all came flooding back, all at once.
It sounds cliche, but you gotta remind yourself that the past is the the past. You can’t change the past, you can only change the future. Apologize to people, if you can (like you have with your brother). But if you can’t apologize to everyone, just forgive yourself, commit to change, and move forward with your life.
That’s really all you can do. Be confident of who you really are. And now that you have realized your past self compared to your true kind self, just embrace yourself now. 
It sounds like you have done what was necessary and possible to make amends. That’s a huge step. There’s nothing left to do, other than accept your brother’s unforgiveness for now. Hopefully he will come around in time
Nicely done
How would you describe yourself now Wave?
Or how would you want to be described?
Thanks @Blossom @Cragger and @Ribbon
Yes this happened all in the past but I wasn’t a mean or bad person, I just did some pretty rotten things like bullying my brother and some of the neighborhood kids when I was a kid.
My brother is far from perfect but I always thought myself as a good person throughout my life but this is not the reality.
I see myself now as a deeply flawed individual who has changed.
But now I see the damage that can be afflicted to others when I’m not properly medicated.
I was selfish before sz.
In what way(s) were you selfish?
I didn’t help friends succeed at school, I felt I was in competition with them and didn’t want them do better than me. I was extremely jealous of those who had better grades than me. At home my parents always preferred me over my brothers so I was bossing and mistreating my brothers, I didn’t let my brothers hangout with my friends either as my parents wanted me to let my brothers hangout with my friends. My parents told me my friends are better than my brother’s friends maybe bcz they were Drs etc
What were your friends like toward you? Were they in competition with you? If you didn’t do well in school, how did they act?
Are your brothers much younger? Obviously, you shouldn’t have mistreated them, but it is somewhat understandable if you wanted your friends to just hang out with you, and not them.
If your friends were doctors, they had, perhaps, better social standing than your brothers’ friends did, but that didn’t make them better friends, or, people.
You ask too many questions that won’t change a thing. I won’t answer them but you get my point, I was selfish.
It could change your self-perception, if you have been unfair to yourself.
Why do you find our questions weird?
Why would you try to help people online and not in real life? Does this questions makes you think? If you are thinking about it does it makes you wonder? Will you wonder later on about this?
Asking for a friend
What are you talking about? Speak plainly.
I’ve done some pretty nasty things too. I thought, I’m a woman in a man’s world, I need to be as “masculine” as possible.
I also thought I was God and the Messiah. It was a very toxic combination.
I said and did a lot of things that I regret now. I’m trying so hard to be a better person now.