My past mistakes are haunting me

I did a lot of bad things during my prodomal stage. I hurt (emotionally) a lot of people and I did things I shouldn’t do. Now, 4 years have passed since my last relapse and now I am relatively stable.

I acknowledge all of the bad things I did during psychosis and I truly have remorse over them. Now I know that I should never have done those things.

The thing is, I keep reliving my past mistakes and I want to self-harm because of it to punish myself. I apologized to all of the people that I’ve ruined, and I know that I didn’t get in trouble with the law. The police know me from bringing me to the hospital and they would have arrested me if I did violate the law.

I keep thinking about how stupid I am and I beat myself up for my stupidity. I hate myself because I did bad things during my psychotic episodes, and I hate myself so much. I feel like I am not trustworthy and I feel like I am defined by my mistake. I can’t escape from what I did.

What should I do? Should I talk to my doctor about this? I keep getting commands to hurt myself because of what I did. I feel like a horrible ■■■■■■■.

ive done a fair few things over the years because of schziophrenia…i regret them but i know they only happened because of the illness and the influence the voices had over me…i was basically insane when i did these things…they would never have happened but for the illness…

the fact that you feel regret about the hurt you caused is a good sign and a nice reflection on your character…it shows you didnt want those things to happen…it was your illness that caused them

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You should suppress thoughts on the past. Thinking of the past is counterproductive.
Also, remember that you have sz, and even if you made mistakes you were not in your right mind.
Btw can you read, write and speak Korean?

yea i did some stupid stuff being psychotic too and sometimes they haunt me too… i know what you mean… i try to let the things be and not dwell too much on the past as it’s just that, it’s the past huh…

The only people I care about IRL are my family. I hurt them a lot when I was growing up. They also have had to put up with things due to my mental illness that I did not wish upon them.

There is nothing I can do about that, but I can try to be there for them as much as I can.

I was rejected by all my friends and acquaintances that I had, and that made me feel really bad for a long time.

Now I am content in my own company for the most part, and I am not bothered by the rejection as much.

It leaves serious trust issues.

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