They want me to do bad things they don’t want me to be typing right now im very tired they don’t let me move they want me to kill myself so that they can take me with them but if I go with them I won’t be myself anymore they will change me and I will be a monster I don’t want to be a monster and hurt anyone I want them to leave me alone but the only ones who leave me alone are people I have no people I have no one it’s just them and me just how they like it he whispers in my ear all day and I try not to listen but I can’t help it I feel tired they didn’t let me study today and now they aren’t letting me shower I just want to leave or have people come if people come they would leave me alone maybe.
I couldn’t even if I wanted they keep sabotaging things the pdoc and therapist dumped me and I found a therapist but I don’t see her for ages and I don’t know how to find a good pdoc because my old therapist set me up with the last one and making appointments on my own is hard and I don’t know who’s good and I’m tired of reaching out to people who don’t help me anyways
They do this because they just want me to give up. I’m am trying I am trying to get help but it is not so easy to do all by yourself when you have so much already to do.
Alright, I understand the difficulties you’re having. My advice to finding a competent pdoc is this:
Step One: Find out EXACTLY what type of insurance you have. Who is the carrier? Is it an HMO or a PPO?
Step Two: Go to healthgrades.com and do a search for psychiatrists near your zip code. The results will appear with user-submitted ratings attached. Sift through them and whittle down to the ones who accept your insurance. Always a good policy to call anyway and verify. This is probably the hardest and most challenging aspect of getting to the doctor. You could also ask your GP/family doctor for a recommendation.
Step Three: Call your selected doctors and book an appointment. Try to get in soon, and ask to be put on the waiting list if they have one.
Hope this helps some. Let me know if I’m not clear or you don’t understand something.
My schools health service gave me a list of pdocs in my area that accept my insurance but it’s still a list and there are like two ratings between all of them and I can’t handle this going to strangers and telling them everything and then having them not be the right people for the job it crushes me.
This will pass I know it will I was doing very well until I don’t know what really. If I could just get in the shower now I think I’d wake up more…
I have seen 3 therapists and 2 pdocs but it’s all been bad.
I will try to go shower now. They aren’t happy about it and they’re making noises. Ugh. He’s touching me. Ugh. My neck. Pressing. But I have to go. I’m going now.
Thanks again for help I will look into it I will be ok don’t worry. Shouldn’t have posted on here I was just freaked out.
HA I have begged I have pleaded I have screamed they don’t care. Especially this guy, the leader, oh he’s ridiculous he acts like he’s all nice he acts all kind I tried to get in the shower and he squeezes the back of my neck and says “Stay here and play with your phone, angel” No matter what he is always gentle and coolheaded he just hurts me and doesn’t even care. Acts like someone training a puppy. Patient. He could do this forever. They are determined to break me to pieces. Agh I need to get out of this room but he won’t let me and his friends are all around me being irritating.
Sorry to hear you are struggling. try not to get upset and take deep breaths. Try to imagine yourself inside your own skin and feel yourself inside yourself relaxed. They pull our minds down this is how they become so strong in our thoughts, block all thoughts and just sit trying not to think or imagine anything. keep doing this for longer and longer periods of time till you are able to complete tasks then deal with them. You come first always and then them.
I’m a lot calmer now. I did manage to get in the shower and have been watching relaxing videos. I am still pretty weak after what happened but I’m chilled out. I hope the rest of the night passes easily.
I’m a lot calmer now. I did manage to get in the shower and have been watching relaxing videos. I am still pretty weak after what happened but I’m chilled out. I hope the rest of the night passes easily.
If things continue to get worse, perhaps you should consider calling a hospital and going impatient for a while. The pdoc in the ward will get you straightened out on meds. But if you do, bring books to read, it can get very boring if you come unprepared.
Yeah I’ve considered it before, when things have gotten very bad. There are times in life where I’ve felt I desperately needed time to just work out my issues and nothing else. But I’ve avoided it because 1) I don’t know how long I’d be kept there and getting behind on schoolwork would be disastrous for me and 2) the idea of immediately having random drugs shoved on me by some stranger who just met me without me having much say in it.
Don’t listen to them Anna. You don’t want to be in the system at that level if you can help it. You want to project competency and find a psychiatrist and get on their good side.
Hey Anna. Sorry you are going through this. You don’t deserve this because you are a good person. Do you have any prescription for meds? If not I would try to arrange a pdoc. Personally I think the severity of your symptoms warrants meds- don’t think a therapist alone would give you enough respite from those horrible voices.