That would be preferable yes!
Anna, you sound like you need the hospital. I tried for months to get in to see a pdoc on my own, but nobody was accepting new patients and the wait lists were even backed up. So in the end I had to go to the hospital and say I was suicidal. They kept me there overnight until I said I felt better.
The really big thing they did for me was that in the U.S., if you get admitted to a psych hospital, you are guaranteed a pdoc appointment within one week from your release. They will only keep you until you no longer pose an active threat to yourself or others. They will give you a med, but you can choose whether to take it or not, and if you do take it, itâs only for one night. It is what I had to do to get treatment.
Being in the hospital sucked, but it was worth it in the long run. The drug they gave me in the hospital had some bad side effects for me, so I only took it for a week until I met with the pdoc and he got me on something better for me. Now, I am living a stable life with minimal side effects. Continued talk therapy has also helped, and sometimes, the only way to get it is to check yourself in.
I jus think it is so ridiculous that they make you wait until the point where you want to kill yourself or others before they give you help
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It sucks, but just remember they are all overworked and underfunded. The mental health system is broken, but that isnât the fault of the workers out there on the front lines trying their best. The doctors themselves can still be really good. You just might have to use the magic word âsuicideâ to get yourself in a position where they can actually see you. I donât think it would be a lie in your case since the voices tell you to hurt yourself. Nobody should have to live with that, and there is help out there if you take the first terrifying step.
I went to one of my classes today and am going to go to the one tonight too. Granted I didnât pay attention at allâŚdoodled the whole timeâŚi hope I do better tonight but i havenât been able to focus at all lately, even though itâs a class Iâm very interested in and have a great profâŚstudied a little bit today tooâŚeven went to the gymâŚwill try to get more and more sleep and get back on my schedule.
It is very frustrating for me when I do poorly because of my symptoms. I can work very hard and they still mess me up. I wish they would have set me up with the learning aid people. Iâve been trying to look for them myself with minimal progress. Ah well.
These times never last. I hope this will all calm down soon. Thanks all for advice and support.
The only way to manage your symptoms is with some form of help. Willpower alone canât do it. At the very least, you need access to quality talk therapy from someone who can teach you the coping skills you donât have. It seems like every other week you have a bad episode where you post about it. That is way too many. You are at the point where you need someone else to help you. Please stop trying to handle it all on your own.
What you call âepisodesâ I used to have all the time while medicated. She is doing quite fine, even for a medicated person from what I can tell.
My mental and emotional health is pretty darn unstable, but thatâs part of the reason I can carry on so well. I can be absolutely awful and gone from the world one moment and then cheerful and normal the next.
It also is what made me refuse to get help for so long because Iâd have my ânormalâ periods and think âoh Iâm fine I donât really need helpâ and then Iâd regret it possibly the next week or even the next day.
My life is just one crazy roller coaster. I never know what to expect. I hope my next therapist is good. I need someone with experience and patience who wonât get scared away by how crazy everything gets.
Yeah I always get confused whether itâs real or not. Because you know I google this stuff sometimes and see all kinds of things arguing the spiritual side and other people who have had experiences similar to mine. Depending on who I talk to Iâve been called seriously ill or seriously spiritually endowed.
Maybe Iâm both!! Haha
The âdisturbedâ ones are the ones who become âmonstersâ as you call them from the trauma. I think it is by design. But you, youâre still pure.
I understand your angle though in this situation. It is a survival mechanism. I play the same song and dance to some degree so neurotypicals donât feel threatened by me. But you know what they say: trust your gut instinct, and you know it is your gut instinct that it is real. For me, it is both my gut and my intellect, but interestingly enough, I watched a video on someone who had a stroke and was not consciously aware of any emotion. Without their âgut instinctâ they could not make any complicated decision making. A neuroscientist said this is because our emotions are just as important to our every day decision making and survival as just our intellects, so I find it funny when people like to base their decision making on the mind set of a robot and thinks it is a sign of an evolved intellect.
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I donât feel pure. Their sickness is all over me. Itâs disgusting and sometimes I wish I could just scrub it all out, but you canât wash it away you know? Iâm filthy and canât do a thing about it.
I have too many problems. What is my life.
Absorb the phenomenon in your mind in all its complexity and follow your intuitions. The general public is blind to your experiences. Only you can decide and define your experiences. Donât let the majority limit your perceptions to just one side of your brain. Use both and think outside the box, which requires imagination.
I just keep fighting them every day. Honestly Iâm starting to think these things have been around me since I was very young. It would explain why I had such graphic and disturbing nightmares even before I was old enough to start school. They can easily invade dreams. Not to mention my constant feelings of fear at night. My mom says I used to come to her saying there were âmonstersâ or âghostsâ in my room. This was before I was even old enough to remember, so I must have been like 2. A reputable psychic once told me I had fairies around me as a child. Whatever that means.
I donât know why theyâre after me though.
A delusion is just to think outside the confines of what your society deems to be valid and invalid thinking. But this is relative to the civilization and also to the time of the civilization. According to Carl Sagan, true science is to question the conventional wisdom of society. Thus this could be why it is said there is a thin line between genius and insanity. So essentially think outside the box to find the answers, without falling down the rabbit hole.
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As Socrates taught, I think the first step to enlightenment is to realize when you donât know something. For some things you may never find the answer, so donât become too obsessed or grandiose in your quest, or else it can leave you off-kilter or bitter later on.
Yeah I just get upset when I donât understand things. I have so many questions that Iâm starting to realize no one may ever be able to answer and I think that has made me a bit bitter.
I donât know what good it would do knowing what they want with me, but it would answer at least one question. But youâre rightâŚmy God voice told me similar thingsâŚwhen Iâd ask him certain questions he would send me feelings that I interpreted as the subject being something that even if he tried to explain it to me for eons I still wouldnât get it. Or that he wasnât able to tell me because it was something I had to learn myself. Things like that.
Iâm just one of those people that likes knowing everything haha. Iâll try to chill.
I don't feel pure. Their sickness is all over me. It's disgusting and sometimes I wish I could just scrub it all out, but you can't wash it away you know? I'm filthy and can't do a thing about it.
It feels like youâre not even a person anymore, because youâve been too tainted by these evils plaguing you constantly, right? Like you are too far gone to be worth saving? Thatâs how it used to feel for me, anyways. But as long as you are breathing, there is hope that it will get better. It takes a lot of work, and when youâre so lost, it also takes another person to reach out with a light to help you find your way.
Maybe you are spiritually inclined, and you are being haunted by demons. Maybe you have a mental illness. But either way, you are suffering. There is a way to ease your suffering, and if you are willing to give it a try, it might surprise you how much it helps. Or maybe it will make things worse. But at least you will have tried something. You know you canât continue forever living like this. Eventually, either the demons will win, or you will need to reach out to find a way to beat them.
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Yes that is how I have felt many days. They have done very, very terrible things to me since as long as I can remember. But Iâve survived this far.
I will try anything I need to. Iâm going to keep fighting donât worry about me. Theyâre never going to win, ever. Iâm strong and resilient. This is what my good voices tell me anyways.
I went through it and came out the other end. I still take medication.
Jayster
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