Has anyone else on this forum ever (TW suicide)

attempted suicide and/or spent years in deep depression and/or suicidal thoughts/struggle?

I myself was in deep grief over my divorce (I know, it makes zero sense), from 1991 to 2005, when I fell out of love with my ex, and found God in the same year.

It was during those 14 years that I was constantly struggling with suicidal thinking and even attempted suicide twice.

But in 2005 several things happened. My father apologized to me over the phone for his incest of me. He explained that he knew he had a problem but couldn’t stop and there was no help available back then. Of course I accepted his apology. Also, I saw my ex for what he truly was. Just a regular man. Nothing special. In addition, I became confirmed and this improved my life overwhelmingly. Also, my pdoc started me on the mood stabilizer Tegretol, which I’m no longer on.

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Yes. I have. :chicken::chicken::chicken:

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i’ve been having suicidal thoughts recently yes. but i’ve never attempted. told my pdoc about it, and he gave me the number of an on call therapist in case it gets bad. i’ve been slowly losing my will to live, but i still have good days.

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I get screwed up by lousy weather. If it’s 80* and sunny things are good.

Days like today that are raining and cold I want to die.

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I walked once up a tower with the intention of jumping off to my death. I’m not sure that counts as an attempt.

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I’ve been close like that before.

It takes a lot of guts to kill yourself. I didn’t have it in me

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I want the world off my back.

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I’ve never actively attempted to die, but I’ve never gone to any great lengths to prevent it either.
On some days I do want to pay an effort towards the end, and on other days I do want to pay more effort towards prolonging life.
If I die, I die

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Yes. Ended up in ICU and then was sent to a ward for about a week.

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Yes twice and twice ended up in the emergency. I am not suicidal or homicidal anymore on proper meds, Risperdal 4mg.

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I’m so sorry to hear that @Lifer . I will surely pray for you.

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You know I’ve noticed suicidal people tend to say they’re not brave or gutsy enough to off themselves.
In my opinion, it takes more bravery to stay alive. To keep swimming upstream, against the current.

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Yes, I have often felt that way.

And also immortal because I’ve tried to kill myself twice. The first time the nurses and doctors have no idea how I survived. It’s still a mystery. The second time, I was physically stopped, syringe already in a central line with my hand on the plunger. I wrestled to try to get it, but ultimately ended up in the hospital only for a week that time.

I’ve been hospitalized 9 times for suicidal ideation. Each time I had a plan, but made it to the hospital in time. Death by suicide often feels inevitable to me. But, I’m trying to be positive today, so I’ll stop that.

One positive thing that came out of my last attempt, which was less than a year ago, was that all the things I’ve been anxious about (dumb things like speaking to a dr I think doesn’t like me or worrying what people think of my parenting) sort of vanished. I could have been dead. Then it wouldn’t have mattered what they thought. I’m not sure I’m making sense, but a lot of anxiety went away.

I’ll link some suicide hotlines in here in case they are needed with this convo.

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http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

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I have never been actively suicidal except as a bad reaction to medication, but I have cared so little about my life that I took all kinds of risks and nearly caused my death on accident quite a few times. My therapist said I was passively suicidal. I didn’t try to die, but I did things I knew had a high likelihood of resulting in my death. I don’t take those risks anymore, because I actively am not okay with dying.

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Well when I was a teenager I swallowed a bottle of antibiotics, but I just got sick and threw up. I was suicidal in the Spring of 2019, but I just talked to my pdoc about it and got an antidepressant.

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I was struggling with my girlfriend I thought she was using witchcraft on me, and huge stressors from working too hard, and a whole crapload of other issues led me to attempt suicide (I won’t tell you how)

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In psychology class it was taught: we all have a death impulse and a will to live? We only learned a tiny bit about it, so I can’t say for sure. It helped me though.

Oh! I didn’t even factor these in. I meant to include what I’ll call “Life/Death Play” in my post, but I guess it got too long. I’ll eat food I have an anaphylactic allergy to and play “chicken” with an epipen. I’ll drive carelessly. And other such ■■■■.

I’ve never heard the term “passively suicidal” but it makes sense. There are many times when I simply don’t care if I live or die. I want to leave it up to fate…but then I actively reckless. Somehow I am still alive. (And I just ate food I’m allergic to :woman_facepalming: )

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Once I saw a guy get pulled over at night and I believed it was the 1800s and blacks were being lynched and whites were acting as they do today at the capital so I tried to throw myself under oncoming traffic at night when there weren’t much cars. I know. Stupid. But suicide is complicated. So is schizophrenia. People like to say “whatever” you’re going through… A B C for solutions. But that just isn’t true. There is a point when someone will go to great lengths to end their pain. I’m happy you survived to tell others. Doesn’t it feel so good to talk, text, etc with others? Anyway. Thank you for sharing original poster. “You’re never alone” while absolutely true, doesn’t mean much when you can’t enjoy the company of those who are there struggling. HOpe this helps in any way. Bye.