Sometimes the anxiety gets so bad and the thoughts start racing and I just can’t handle it. I feel like it’s always going to be that way and I want to kill myself. I’ve tried 9 times. My family does all they can do to keep me safe. My meds and therapy are based on keeping me from being suicidal. It’s a huge part of my life. Is it a big issue for you?
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I often feel like I want to die, but I never act on it. This illness is really tough and it’s often hard to know what to do. I really hate it, but we are stuck with it. I can assure you suicide is not the answer and causes more problems than solutions. I hope you find some medications that work better for you and try to improve your life step by step by working with your family and doing small things to make it better.
Hang in there.
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I still get suicidal occasionally but I handle it on my own. I had one serious attempt but I survived. Nobody saw it coming and I was home alone and couldn’t reach out. My house phone quit working and I thought the government cut my phone off but I unplugged the modem that day to plug in an extension cord to cut the grass with an electric lawnmower. I didn’t figure that out until later though. Felt pretty stupid about it. I still blame the government but it wasn’t all their fault.
My cell phone had no service that night. I was a wreck.
I don’t go to the hospital when I get suicidal anymore though I deal with it myself and I won’t try again anymore. It wasn’t always that way though. When the paranoia was bad I still struggled with it and my new suicidal plan was fool proof. There is no way I could survive.
I want to be there for my son for as long as I can and my wife would be lost without me.
Are you safe?
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yes, Im safe. I thought about for a quick minute and it just reminded how sometimes I can’t do anything but think about it. I obsess on it. But for right now it was just a passing thought.
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Five of my eleven psych stays have been for being suicidal. When I get so bad off that I start scaring myself I know it’s time to get somewhere safe, i.e. a hospital.
I made two overdose attempts in 2000, but neither had any chance at actually killing me. If I was to attempt again it would almost certainly be fatal, given what my standby plan is.
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Glad you are safe. Being suicidal really sucks. No one can understand if they haven’t felt that way before. I don’t like when doctors or therapists ask me about it because I know they have probably not been there before.
My wife still gets angry at me for the attempt. I can’t explain it well enough to someone who hasn’t been there before.
Just know if you need to talk you can always reach out to someone and people here will understand.
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I lost hope and I became suicidal for about a two year period…two attempts…I learned there is hope you just have to find it…what gives you hope @Leaf ?
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I don’t know. What gives you hope?
just living excites me…it’s a dull life but I am grateful for my life…I have hope that I will live another day tomorrow at least…makes me hopeful…you have to find hope your own way, I wish I could help you.
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It used to be, i understand where your coming from. I was always to afraid to do it. I did try to for the first time a few weeks ago. It was kind of a half trying attempt. Try mantras, or living of good life quotes. Everything i do in that respect is christian. It is the light at the end of the tunnel for me.
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Lately I’m not suicidal but sometimes I want to hide under my blanket forever.
This is because I’m constantly frightened of everything.
Don’t give up @Leaf.
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My most elaborate and messed up plan came in 2008. I could sense my marriage was coming to an end, I was devastated, and I was fresh off a psychotic break.
A high-speed commuter train ran behind the building in which my then-wife and I lived. The plan was to go out back shortly before she came home from work, and wait until I saw the lights turn on. I figured I’d call her and get her to come out on the balcony, or at least to the sliding glass door. I was going to keep her on the line until a train approached, say “I love you,” then jump in front of the train. I wanted her to watch me get splattered, wanted to leave her scarred for life on my way out.
Even the ER doctor was stunned when I told him my plan, saying “wow, that’s very aggressive.” Anyway, that was my only really elaborate suicide plan. It’s a good thing I went to the hospital instead.
@Ninjastar. We need your suicide post.
Hang in there @Leaf. I feel that way all the time. I just can’t do it. There is something for all of us to hold on for. I do for the kiddos
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During my break up and divorce I became suicidal.
I contemplated jumping off a cliff several times.
Quite often . I just nap when feel bad
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Sorry idk what to say really. I r
Texted suicide hotline thanks to ninjastar
741741
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I only say out loud “I wanna kill myself” then I say “no no no stupid stupid stupid”. It’s like my natural instinct to think to kill myself when anything wrong goes on whatsoever but fortunately can catch it pretty quick these days.
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I should be more like you in that thinking.
I have been suicidal too many times to count over the years. Even as a five year old i told my mother i was gonna jump out the window and kill myself. I have tried several times and i’m glad i failed. My younger brother killed himself back in 2005 and now i know what it does to those left behind. I am sorry you have to deal with this. You will always have people on here who can relate and lend an ear if you need to talk. Hope you find some peace.
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