I’ve been suicidal at least 29 times. I never acted on it but came close 1 time.
the hardest thing for me is episodes that last 2 to 3 hours at a time. Also I don’t have anything to do. It’s like being in jail. Similar to solidary confinement.
I don’t count how many times I’m suicidal.
I lost track.
3 very serious times, no idea how many years I lived not caring and living life with no purpose. I guess in general most of the time I don’t want to die, but not scared of it, if that makes any sense.
I have been sucidel for many year and still …!!! One time i thought i will jump into my Underground water tank …!!! Hopefully this time passes …!! Now i want to live a beautiful life …I want my perfect medicine and right combination …!!
I have been suicidal so many times I lost track
I was never suicidal except just this past 2 months - it was intense. I cried endlessly and felt so freakini drained and empty
Three times I have made a noose and stuck my head in it. My body would never let me drop into as such. So I tried to slowly cut the blood supple to the brain so I would pass out and get the job done.
Other major time was I went and ordered a big bottle of helium and started making a gas mask.
Rarely…I don’t depress easily…one of the past APS I had gave me suicidal thoughts though…wasn’t fun…
Wow, who here is good at math? Here’s a word problem:
If Hedgehog became suicidal at age 15, and she felt suicidal/had suicidal ideation an average of once every week until the age of 45, and then continued to be suicidal an average of once per month for the next five years, how many times was Hedhehog suicidal?
I hate math.
I only remember being seriously suicidal twice. once was when my brother and I had a discourse. the second time was some night when I wanted to go for the easy way of ending my desperate lust (that I partially blame pr0n for.)
That’s such a good description, @Jake. It is like being in jail. I can’t think of anything else and nothing else matters. Often I literally just sit motionless and cry and fight it off until it subsides enough to get up and move around.
Three times seriously. And different methods for each time.
Once in my twenties when my mother got mad at me for planning to spend Christmas with my father. Once when I was taking the AP Saphris, and once last year when I was really depressed and just wanted to be with my dead Nana.
I’ve had plenty of suicidal thoughts in between but never had plans to follow through. Those three times I was writing instructions for those I would leave behind.
Those sound so difficult…I mean all these do but you made it hit home with the you had written instructions for your loved ones…I’m glad none of us have succeeded in these torturous moments…also I had a wonderful Nana too that I miss dearly…is Nana grandma or great grandma to you?
Grandma. She was my mother’s mum.
My parents divorced when I was one year old. Mum had to go to work full time to support me and my sisters. So Nana looked after me a lot. She also had me a lot of weekends. She used to take me to the museum, the science centre and the art gallery most weekends.
We had a favourite painting in the art gallery called Bathers by Rupert Bunny. I went to the art gallery a couple of days after she died just to sit in front of it for a while and I noticed something in it I had never noticed before, a little yellow butterfly the child is reaching for. It’s a huge painting.
I used to go to her after school a lot when I was a teenager. We were really close. She always used to pull me aside at any time and tell me I was her favourite grandchild.
She kept working up until she was 80. She went to America with her friends when she was 84 and went in a helicopter over the grand canyon. It was her first overseas trip. She grew up in an orphanage. She came from a really big family and her mother was kind of useless (my grandfather always used to say he would have stayed married to Nana if it wasn’t for her mother).
She got ill with cancer, really aggressive. She dies really quickly, within 12 weeks of being diagnosed. It was awful seeing her just before she died. I flew up because Mum called me at work to tell me I had to come see her because she didn’t have long. So I flew up that day and she died the next night. I’m glad she didn’t suffer long. But her death really changed me (as all deaths change everyone), but I feel like I lost my family when she died.
I don’t know. Quite a few times probably but I never really acted on it I just cut myself or hit myself and had suicidal thoughts. I am too scared to really attempt it bcuz my belief is I could go to hell for it and nowadays just thinking of leaving my husband bereft is too much for me.
She sounds like she was wonderful…I’m sorry for your loss…
Mine was my great grandma…fathers mothers mom…we lived with her from when I was born until about 4…visited with her on and off after my dad joined the army…she also got aggressive cancer she was 98…I was calling her every morning on my lunch break at work when she got sick…the one day I had to work through my lunch break and didn’t get a long enough break to call her…I called after I got off work…and she had passed…her brother answered the phone…said she passed 10 mins after I was supposed to call her…I felt guilty and angry at ups for making me miss the call…
Just a few times, I have spent many years thinking of it, but only seriously tried twice.
I’ve taken pills on two separate occasions with the thought of that was it and I was comfortable enough to accept it. Plus two other attempts that only score as one total. The first time I woke up in a hospital bed the next day with my Mother holding a copy of Budda by Deepak Chopra. She had called the ambulance and saved my life. The second time was out at our families vacant vacation property in the Ozarks, Missouri. I wanted to die by our nearest pond in a poetic way as the pond was a central folklore theme to a story I was writing. I somehow woke up from that. I was told by a pdoc that “God doesn’t like those who cut in line”.
1,560. That’s a lot, sweetheart you’re so strong to have fought through that.