I live on my own and have been employed for 20+ years after being diagnosed. Not successful on the romance tip though. I’ve been closer irl than on the internet but it has always seemed difficult and now I am 50 I’m not sure I can be bothered anymore. Never say never though.
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I agree with Gollum. I am 48 and just have no interest in a relationship really. Maybe it’s partially the sz and/or meds though.
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I mean that a lot of girls refuse to date a guy who doesn’t have his own place, his own income, his own car. But a lot more guys are fine with dating a girl who doesn’t have those things. It’s still really hard to date as a disabled hetero girl, but it’s even harder for guys.
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@anon67051439, are you tired, man?
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Not really tired but tired of those sz negative symptoms.
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Most of the girlfriends i have had and dates, were after i had my diagnosis at the the age of 19.
I disguised, lied or minimized the impact SZ had on my life. I couldn’t be frank.
I worked or studied while i was dating and having my disorder. Pretty stressful. Living a double life.
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You can always pm me when you want…
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That’s something I wonder about Aziz. Are you really prepared to do all the things necessary to maintain a relationship with your negs? Like Gollum mentioned, some of us can’t be “bothered” anymore. Relationships are a lot of work. I know that I would not want to have to go out with a girlfriend all the time or spend a big chunk of my time talking with one. I get tired of talking just being a friend with a girl, let alone a boyfriend. Are you sure that this is something that you want at this point in your life? Do you have the energy for it?
Edit: Maybe I’m just projecting my feelings on to you though. I know we have similar issues with negatives. I am older than you too though.
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Don’t allow your parents to pressure you.
There are many things I’m not ready for or capable of doing right now because of my SZA.
There’s no shame in this.
It’s even ok to be on disability.
Your very hard on yourself @anon67051439
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Yea you’re right. I can’t do the work required for a relationship anyways.
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Yea you’re right. My parents stopped pressuring me into getting married since I got sz. Before sz they hooked me up with a girl from our church, they’re friends with her parents.
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There’s more to happiness than romance. I get my kicks thinking of a quiet night listening to the radio or playing with tech. You know a lot about computers @anon67051439. If you are passionate about something people will find you.
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I would happily date someone 4 years up or down. Beyond that Id be less confortable but would still be cautiously willing. Its only 8 years plus where I would dismiss it.
I have had no luck with women in terms of relationships since SZ. Big generalisations coming: I think women who are career focused are generally competitive with their salary and want a male partner to earn more or at least equal. Females who don’t work at all or who work minimally want someone to take care of them and pay for their stuff.
So in both main scenarios me not working is an issue.
The women who were willing to have a relationship with me were also not working due to MH issues.
Unfortunately it hasn’t worked out with the few girls Ive been on dates with.
I would like to have a partner but I see no point of settling for a relationship I dont feel passionate about.
I feel like from a potential partners POV it may just not be attractive to date a partner who doesn’t have a job and who has little in terms of assets and cash. I try not to get upset about it. Its just what most women and society expect from men.
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I work but successful dating still eludes me. I just don’t meet a lot of people. I look at dating sites but rarely message anyone.
I met my last gf in hospital. In retrospect that should have been a red flag. We dated for 3 years, but it was very turbulent.
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I started longterm dating about 4 years after my first big episode.
I’ve almost always had a good job. And it was my own business so I could take days off whenever I needed and only worked half the year for about 8 or 9 years.
I think you might be looking for an example of a person with mental illness on disability that met someone and dated long-term or got married though.
So I’m prob not a good example for that
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My gfs uncle just married a women 37 years younger. He’s 65!
Never underestimate the power of being led by your weener 
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for me, earning a living and dating go hand in hand. I’m at an age where there are no casual encounters, unfortunately. I’m Asian and prefer to date only Asians. Most Asian women (women in general) are career and family-oriented. I have 1/2 a career in that I work part-time and I probably don’t want kids unless my partner is adamant about it. I definitely want to date, but my ego is so beat up that confidence has left the arena. I’m trying to get it back, and it’s certainly not too late.
I know an option for me would be to move to Asia. I don’t think I’d have any trouble getting a job and finding someone. I did this years ago and had two jobs and a gf within a month of moving. It’s always an option for me, I may just dip out when the time is right.
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I have found this very difficult to grapple. Sometimes I don’t know if I am Gay, Straight, Bi or asexual
People period don’t seem interested in me even though I have my own place etc
The online dating scene is very hard to navigate
Tried Match.com, and that just ruined my confidence more. Grindr I just get dick pics and harassed all the time
My only relationship was with a girl I went to University with, but I wasn’t ‘posh’ or ‘rich’ enough to date their little girl?
FFS
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Take a look at this forum as an example. There are plenty of women who have boyfriends or who are married and there are plenty of men (like me) that can’t find a girlfriend because women get turned off when they hear the word “schizophrenia”.
I’ve had this discussion before on this forum, I agree with @Ninjastar that there are double standards.but I’ve come to accept it’s just the way things are
I think things are just different between the sexes. Men and women value different things. From an evolutionary point of view there are different sexual selection pressures the sexes we put on each other. Men and women care about different things.
Women can appreciate a good looking guy but they don’t seem to be too concerned about that, they are usually more concerned about other traits and are interested in finding the best genes they can for their offspring and “schizophrenia” isn’t exactly the best genes so most men with schizophrenia get rejected. Men can be more superficial sometimes and will be with a woman because they are more concerned about getting laid and spreading their seed, they are less concerned that their partner has a mental disorder, unless she is batsh*t crazy.
If you look up the genetic studies virtually all women reproduce, but the number of men that reproduce is much lower, I can’t remember the exact numbers though, keep in mind these studies are for the general population, it’s even worse for men with schizophrenia. This is due to the fact that most women, even if they have something wrong with them, can generally find a man willing to have sex with them, the same can’t be said about men.
As an example you wrote in a post in the “how crazy were you” thread (or whatever it was titled) a while back that you had unprotected sex with 1 or 2 guys in a park when you were psychotic. The men you were with didn’t seem to have a problem with the fact there was some random crazy girl in the park, they just wanted to get laid. The last girl I was dating when I became psychotic called me a “psycho” and that was the end of that.
@anon67051439 To answer your question. I have been a total failure in the dating world ever since I developed schizophrenia, I was much more successful beforehand. I am not married. But I do work.
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Be careful when going into biological essentialism. That really isn’t how most people think or operate. It is mostly an excuse that jerks use to explain why they shouldn’t work on being jerks.
It has very little to do with evolution or biology, and very much to do with the way our society is structured. if a girl gets pregnant accidentally, she is more likely to be forced to carry to term, then to have to care for the baby on her own afterwards. She is the one who would lose time off work, get sick, and go through a painful and expensive labor that may not be covered by insurance (writing about the US experience right now). Of course she is going to be more cautious about who she chooses to reproduce with, if she chooses to at all. That has nothing (or very little) to do with her wanting good genes for her kid. It is mostly about making sure her entire life won’t be destroyed because of one impulsive decision.
Domestic violence victims are most frequently women, and the perpetrators are most frequently men. All genders can be abusive, and all genders can be abuse survivors. But women are taught from the time they are toddlers to be wary and on guard.
When I first learned how to drive, one of the first lessons I was given was how to use a car key to fight an assailant in a parking garage. Girls are trained to never go to the bathroom alone because they are less likely to be attacked in groups. Every single girl you know has a story about being assaulted/harassed/roofied.
This culture of fear leads girls to be very wary when finding partners. Schizophrenia is highly stigmatized as a disease that causes violent behavior. It is unfair and sucky, because I know most of the guys here would never hurt someone. But that is the main driving force behind girls rejecting you outright after you disclose a diagnosis. It isn’t just “I want a better provider.” It is also “I want to make sure i don’t end up on the news.”
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