Schizophrenia.com

Feelings of shame and guilt

Have you had any feelings of extreme regret? Have you lost your temper or said things in a deluded state you wish you could take back?

I made threats, sent barrages of mean texts, and now the delusions are leaving… but so are the people…

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I was envious about my friends yeah and still i am… I know the guilt… The problem with me is that my family keeps saying, that i was always rational, so its even harder to swallow this thing now :confused:
The people who really love you, will stay next to you i think.

I’ve said things to my ex girlfriend I wish I hadn’t. She stopped talking to me and all I wanted was to keep talking. But I blew it and overreacted. Sometimes our passion and anger get in the way of seeing the truth. Or in our case, schizophrenia gets in the way sometimes. The best we can do is apologize and say we weren’t ourselves.

I had a friend who I used to chat with on Facebook, at some point in my life I was delusional and thought he was my twin flame. I told some of my friends that I liked him even though he had a girlfriend. We were in the same group at uni but I was too delusional to really be friends or anything else in real life. During my psychotic break, I had a command hallucination that told me to tell him I fing loved him, he didn’t care and that he should get the f out of my life. He told me that it wasn’t him it was probably someone else and atm I didn’t care, but after meds I felt guilt because I did enjoy just being friends on Facebook. I used to get haunted by the thought of meeting again irl but now I’m over it. With time you’re gonna accept the “sins” of the illness and move on.

I still feel awful about my psychotic break at home. I had two loaded guns and was trying to get away from my parents. I finally got in my car but when I started backing up my mom grabbed the door. I thought she was trying to kill me so I floored it. She fell down and her wrists still hurts. I am so thankful that I didn’t kill her. It could’ve been sooo bad. That ■■■■ haunts me

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I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done as a result of the schizophrenia. I’m not going to waste energy on that, I was sick and not fully in command of myself. When it comes to dishonest things I did when I was drinking, those I own. I’m still making amends when and where I can nearly three decades after putting the plug in the jug.

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During psychosis I insulted my best friend and wrote nonsense on fb. I lost 90% of my fb and real life friends. I deleted some from paranoia thinking they’re spies, some deleted me and some blocked me too. My best friend blocked me.

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I have a lot of guilt and shame. I made some terribly bad choices in life and my impuls control is pretty bad when i feel overwhelmed, humiliated or frightened. In other times i went along too much and accepted bad things. People were (emotionally) hurt by that. If people harmed me, i should have stayed in control of myself and chosen to detach. I also have a lot of guilt/shame about things that other people find nonsensical and dont see why it is even an issue. I try to make better choices now, but i dont like myself much for the past.

He was a medstudent studying cardiology and knew I had sz bcz I told him. I thought Drs are more considerate towards schizophrenics, I guess not.

Ive written some right utter bollox on facebook before when psychotic. Mostly latin based gibberish. Even to the point ive had people on the buzzer at 2am.

Do i feel guilty? No not really. I was ill - and im making no excuses for that. I couldnt help it at the time. Couple of people ive bumped into at the bar have called me a nutter and laughed. But my proper mates understand my illness and dont hold it againest me.

And no - I dont use facebook anymore.

I would say I’ve been treated the worst, and messed with to cruel degrees by doctors, usually not psychiatrists, just physicians. A couple times they were so mean I left the ER. They had problems with seeing my past (admittedly ridiculous) behavior as me, and not my illness. Family has mostly forgiven me, some family members have seriously completely shocked me at how open minded and supportive they can be. Doctors are mean, psychiatrists are usually pretty cool, but they can be mean too, but those times I probably deserved it. Nurses can be amazing and not so amazing too.

Rant over.

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My current psychiatrist blames me for my severe negative symptoms and for staying in bed all day everyday since having schizophrenia.

@ninjastar or @Moonbeam can my display name be changed to “knapsackboy”? (forgot how to send PMs)

My guess he probably doesnt blame you - he was probably trying to get you to be more pro-active. Maybe your reading too much into it.

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Only meds can help me. I was much better on Abilify and he knows that from my record. He just gave up because Vraylar isn’t available in Canada yet. I told him Abilify and Rexulti causes me addiction and hypersexuality as the FDA and Health Canada warned.

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One time I attacked my father, I grabbed him and held him against the wall. I was able to realize how completely insane doing that was and I got in the car, drove home and called the cops on myself. Probably shouldn’t have called the cops on myself, but they were good about it and brought me to the hospital. I know what you mean though. I get shakes from neck to tailbone all along my spine every time I think about how I did that and how it could have gone so much worse. Scary stuff no doubt.

Scary stuff! That’s good you got help. My parents called the cops on me since I just drove off. I sped around back roads for hours until they finally caught me and took me to a hospital. What a trip. Looking back I just wonder how it’s possible. Schizophrenia is some wicked ■■■■.

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Im on Vraylar and it doesn’t seem to be helping with my negative symptoms. I hope Xanomeline or SEP-363856 helps my negative symptoms. I wanna try sarcosine to see if it helps my negative symptoms

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It didn’t help me, just headaches. I also have hopes for Xanomeline. Abilify helped my negative symptomes and its a partial dopamine agonist just like Vraylar. That’s why I think Vraylar can help me maybe.

What are your negative symptoms? I have trouble with my hygiene and i only shower once a month, i can’t enjoy video games or much of anything except music. I also cant hold a job and i have a lack of motivation to do anything.