Schizophrenia.com

Shame is hard

I feel so ashamed of myself. So much shame because I just can’t react I hate myself and I’m learning to love myself regardless. I’ve got no fight. I’ve done so much stupid crazy stuff because of fear and hate and confusion. I really hurt inside badly. I’m having problems.

I think there is shame and then there is inappropriate shame. It’s not wrong to feel sorry you did something but, after an apology is made, there is no need to cling to feelings of shame. If you don’t want to apologize, that can be either pride or a sense that you hurt that person as a way of getting even. I would do a little talking to your shame and analyze it. Good luck and I hope the hurting will stop.

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I have huge amounts of guilt and shame for what I’ve done in my past, and who I’ve done it too. It’s taken a lot of therapy, trying to make amends and most of all, trying to heal from this and make sure that I don’t go back to that dark space again.

Getting better, healing, helping my family heal… this has been the most effective thing against all that shame and guilt. The better I get, the more that past fades.

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I know how you feel. Schizophrenia is hell, it makes us deviant in our behavior and we can’t tell what is real and what is not, I have been recovered for half a year and I still cant describe how delusions just seem real.

I myself am having a rough spell, Im having recurring nightmares and I had some delusions yesterday, and my anxiety is breaking through the Xanax. I’ve been having intrusive thoughts about drinking, which is bad. I am close to finals and saying “■■■■ you and goodbye” to school for a while before summer classes, and Im hoping I dont just have a ■■■■■■■ relapse.

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No, no it does not. You can’t lump all the negative behaviors you experience as everyone’s else’s, nor excuse it.

i am sending you positive thoughts, do not be ashamed for we all struggle.
i am sending you a hug, for everyone needs a hug.
i am sending you all the happiness i can muster, for everyone needs to know that some one cares.
take care

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yes, it does, walking around talking to yourself, being unemployed and surfing the internet all day, smoking lots of cigarettes, it’s all deviant. Deviant means anything not normal. Im taking a class on it and wrote a paper on schizophrenia and its deviant behaviors and was given an A

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Yeah, your right about it being deviant, but only if your normal.

Being Sz is not normal, therefore negates any classification of deviant.

Walking around talking to yourself, being unemployed, surfing the internet all day, and smoking lots of cigarettes (I don’t) is considered normal if your “disabled”.

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Im saying the behavior is deviant, period. Its not normal. It doesnt matter why someone does it, my professor gave me an A for calling it deviant because it is. He has a PhD, do you even have a job?

You know what @Csummersx, I’ve had about enough of you trying to belittle mortimermouse over the past several days on multiple topics. I’m not a moderator or the forum police, but mouse is a friend of mine off the site, and what he says here is only the tip of the iceberg. He works hard at school, and makes damn good grades. He also has interests and hobbies that are healthy for any person, regardless of mental illness. As he’s elucidated here, he’s exploring his new-found sexuality, and hasn’t caused anyone any harm. He may be a little selfish in what he wants from his partners, but that’s also the nature of a relationship. You go after what appeals to you. As for the psychopathy, you would be well-advised to recognize that he TESTED somewhat high for psychopathy WHILE psychotic. If you look at the diagnostic criteria of antisocial personality disorder, which I’m sure you haven’t, it states EXPLICITLY that antisocial personality disorder CANNOT be diagnosed if it occurs while psychotic or have a diagnosis of schizophrenia. Mouse is fortunate enough to have recovered considerably from his psychotic break and diagnosis. Judging from your condescension in your posts to him, you have a lot of ground to make up, because you are nit-picking things you know nothing about. It’s easy to armchair quarterback a sentence or two, but you miss the full picture. Instead of being critical of personality traits, you should embrace his recovery, and encourage him on. What are you doing with your life? Popping pills and posting ■■■■■■■■ on a forum hardly qualifies as any sort of recovery.

Facts are facts.
Good friends should stick together.

Maybe neither of you have actually read anything I wrote, which was far from condescending, mainly quoting his words and wondering if he really should work with people who need help.
Ask yourself, would you yourself want to have him as your pdoc/therapist?

Regardless of your answer, there is no need to be rude to me and attack me personally.

I’ve read your replies, and whether you realize it or not, you are belittling him. He is in a unique position to understand the mentally ill, and can certainly leverage that as an asset, and extrapolating from that, be more efficient and accurate in being able to assign care to those in need because he has been there. Would I want him as my doc? Sure. He is bright, knowledgeable, and is at the top of his class. He is attending a good school, not the First Intergalactical University or some ■■■■■■■■. I check out my doctors before seeing them, and if they attended some obscure school, I want no part of them. So yes, I’d go see mouse. Your responses to him are illogical, and I WILL point that out. See that as an attack or being rude if you want, but your “logic” is flawed.

My responses are far from illogical.
Questioning someone pursuing working with vulnerable people who have his attitude is mandatory to prevent harm (mentally as well as physically) in those seeking help.

Primum non nocere is the latin phrase for First, do no harm, it is the guiding moral principal for all people in the medical field.

I can only speak for myself that I’ve run across a few pdocs with his same attitude, and it made me think they went into this field because they loved the power trip they had over patients and it sure wasn’t helpful, but that was before the computer age where people post their every thoughts for all to see.

I sincerely hope mortimermouse becomes successful at what he wishes to do in life, the whole point is no one getting hurt in the process.

Folks - this thread is about “Hiding”'s topic of “Shame is hard” - not an argument between yourselves. Please focus on the person who is having challenges and who started the thread.

I am shameful person,need to feel less of these

How do mean? Are you feeling that feeling of shame? Or do you think your acting shamefully?

I am feeling shameful,like I don’t wanna greet people and just feel bit tired…maybe I am madturbating too much,do you think so?

I do it once a day

not wanting to greet people, keeping to yourself and feeling tired could be meds, negative symptoms

OR… Just the fact that your physically tired. If your doing your work out, playing badminton, running, and trying to work,… not wanting to greet people could just be nothing more then needed a little down time.

Masturbating once a day doesn’t sound like too much.

Please be kind to yourself,… being tired, wanting to get away from people, masturbating, not being up for greeting people isn’t something to be ashamed of.

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I’m going through this right now, I’m waking up (as James put it- I like that) I’m feeling intense guilt, shame and embarrassment, not to mention the hurting I’m feeling, I’ve hurt so many people particularly my parents because of delusions and paranoia. So you’re not alone, I’m trying to get through it through advice James and BarbiBF gave me which was the focus on the present and to alter the future, make it into something that will heal those relationships. I have written letters to those I’ve hurt but haven’t had the courage to give them yet. Time is a healer; try to remember that, be patient with yourself and self soothe, you couldn’t help what you did, there was no malice attached if you thought at the time it was the right thing to do, try to get it out of your system; write it out, paint it, draw it, shout it… Whatever you find best just get it out, it will be cathartic, if you keep it bottled up you will only ruminate more which will make the pain worse.

Take care,
Meg.

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I would give you many :heart: :heart: (likes) if I could give more then one.

I’ve handed off so many letters in my life, I almost forgot how scared I was when I handed off some of my first ones. That is a hard step to take.

I do smile a bit now because my first letter’s were to my kid sis. So I wrote all these huge, long, and very personal letters… and then gave them to a 7 year old.

As if she had the knowledge or the ability to process what I just handed her. I’m sure she didn’t understand half of them. But she saved them all. She still has them. Maybe that’s why I wrote a 7 year old, it was safe. It was a starting point.

It really seems that as soon as I owned up to my illness and acknowledged that I needed help and owned up to my actions… not to make some grand gesture that would magically erase the past… but to make some sign that I won’t make those mistakes again,…
then everything started changing.