Hello all. I have schizo affective disorder. which i guess means i have delusions as well as some form of bipolar. -with mostly deep depressions although i have experienced manic highs from time to time.
I feel dead inside. I feel soulless. like there is just something wrong within me. and it isn’t necessarily my actions that i worry about. I mean, i drink a lot, smoke cigs, and can be pretty irresponsible but it isn’t the actions or even my thoughts that truly bother me. it is the way i feel deep down inside. like an endlessly bad person and i feel like no matter what i might do to try to prevent myself from being this way, that my soul will/can never change. i feel like i am a “bad seed” so to speak and that no amount of change or healing will solve who i really am inside.
anyone else ever feel this way? and do people like me still go to heaven when they die?
Feeling half alive is better than feeling half dead, right? Atleast the glass is half full!
Seriously though, I can relate. I feel like my life is meaningless and there’s no real reason for me to be alive. As if the world would be better off if I didn’t exist.
As for what happens when you die, no one knows for sure.
Your Not interested, & i get mocked enough as it is. There’s a lot that’s great about modern Western society - there is also a lot that is very f’ed up.
Love that song!.. yes but is my soul. something is wrong with it. FUK yes i won’t be seen again till forth of july. but that is my fav holiday so… can’t wait till my soul works again!
imo, comprehensive psychological/social/spiritual understanding & support - you won’t get it/find it, it doesn’t exist in this society in any meaningful way, except in rare cases.
The condition is primarily psychogenic - this culture is a lie.
You have to follow your own journey/search through it all. If you genuinely feel it’s a spiritual problem - then seek a spiritual solution.
BTW, i happen to have “direct” knowledge that Kurt went to heaven after he “did that with the gun” to himself. he is my angel in heaven and i talk to him from time to time. he is an amazing soul. depression does that to some. for me though i just feel like nothing. he misses Courtney but she was not good for him in live. but in heaven it will be different situation. she LOVES him tremendously despite the controversy!
you don’t know what I’m interested in. I have always amazed by other cultures, especially asian, but not only, I have “studied” for lack of a better word, shamism also. I am very interested, believe it or not I just tend to joke around a lot here, cous, well, I’m pretty bored and sometimes I think a lighter tone helps out a bit, I know I like it when people here are honest and funny, from time to time, never is my intention to mock anybody or make fun of anyone.
me neither, I’m still a hell of a long way to even consider the sligtest possibility that i"suffering" from a “mental illness” let alone having “Delusions” an stuff. My reality is real, and nobody can tell me otherwise (unless my version of reality is being shattered by someone(thing, fact) that I cannot ignore.
yes thank you spiritual solutions… believing in the bible has helped to some extent but i still have confusion about some stuff. and especially, i concern myself with “karma” a LOT, if i am suffering, so i “musta done sometin wrong”. but sometimes i see angels of light. in my back yard and talk to spirits from the other side(s) (some from heaven some opposite) and the “nice” ones who seem to care tell me “Karma” is the devils workshop because some of us will take the term too far and believe that we are suffering from past lives instead of realizing that we get “consequences” for actions on earth but not from things we can’t even recall doing!
I feel a quarter alive. I feel I don’t have the will to live. I too have schizoaffective…bi-polar and psychosis…and my mood changes so much especially lately it’s unreal. I wish I could die in my sleep and not have to do it myself, or if a comet hit the earth or something…or I don’t even know. I’m just sick of life. The thought of having a girlfriend doesn’t bring me joy anymore, I can barely drive without getting an anxiety attack, and I drink a lot like you. I miss doing drugs for fun…those were the days…even though I was depressed back then too. I was at least able to mask…■■■■ nm…sorry I’m just not doing great.
Einstein- “Reality is in the mind of the beholder” and it is a very true statement. it is VERY HARD but changing ones point of view is almost always a solution to every problem.
Search for “Terence McKenna” on youtube (if you have ever taken psychedelic “drugs”(cannabis incl.) he’s a must. He’s far out, but very entertaining and a legend in his field even if not a “drug user”. Also, Alan Watts for something more…“civilized” aka “boring” lol… im just throwing this out there
WHOA! you are going through almost exactly what i am going through. i also don’t feel like a relationship with a guy would help me anymore. i used to always want to find that perfect “soul mate” but just so you know Kurt IS my soul spiritual soul mate! LOL haha at least my my head! haha or “heart shaped box”
Alan Watts is awesome. I don’t really like Mckenna even though I love(d) hallucinogens. Alan Watts…i don’t find boring. I find he’s a fantastic writer with great imagery. One of my favorites and biggest influences in life.
Atleast the glass is half full!
I just tend to joke around a lot here, cous, well, I’m pretty bored and sometimes I think a lighter tone helps out a bit, I know I like it when people here are honest and funny, from time to time, never is my intention to mock anybody or make fun of anyone.