Do you feel “alive?”

I don’t want to do anything but sit on the couch and do nothing all day everyday.

I feel like that’s it for me. I had a different kind of life I guess. I’ve been in interesting places like state hospitals.

Is that wrong? Should I feel “alive?” Do you feel “alive?” Is it meds? Sz? Both?


Sort of. I feel more alive when the weather doesn’t suck and I don’t have to work late.

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i feel “alive” in a idk kind of way…i guess the way that counts. but i feel like i may have literally died and just not accepted it yet or i am in another dimention. so i guess mentally alive or maybe spiritually alive, “physically” dead, and connectively dead.


As fun as this sounds, it eventually gets boring.

Then you end up going for long walks.

Attend rec groups if you can, they can add some structure to your life.

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I have canceled plans and avoided things and people because I just can’t do life. So I can stay on the couch.

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I feel the exact same thing! How strange! I have that same belief. In some other dimension

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yeah idk what happened. i know down to when it happened within a one hr frame.

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I go back and forth. I mainly stay busy so i dont think about it. But then theres days like today, where im barely functioning and cant do anything but sleep and veg out.

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I feel pretty drained and weak and thought I had a neurological illness instead or in addition to but realized it’s just my condition. I thought I had cotard’s at one time but never got diagnosed or seizures or tried finding a different explanation like MS or something along those lines.

I tried convincing the Doctors I just had derealization and depersonalization disorder, but they denied it was real and existed and I was never diagnosed with it despite it being my main symptom.

I had negative motivation and energy due to negatives and tried supplements and energy drinks. Nothing really helps at all except water and exercise.

I thought I died before and reincarnated into the same life, but 99.999% of it is mental or my head or thoughts being painful or hurting and illusions. I do believe in physics and believe in my own theories of life and all that.

I think I have past life trauma and reincarnated a near infinite amount of times with schizophrenia, basically.

I wonder if it’s aliens mainly or just my illness or everything and all the above. I take medication but drink 10 monsters a day and it ruins my recovery and I chain smoke still.

I see aliens in my dreams and go to other places when I sleep and I swear I’ve seen a ufo in the backyard in 2015-2016. I think taking adderall once while in patient ruined my recovery for years and I practically begged for it so I don’t blame anyone except myself. It’s my fault. Stimulants can cause permanent psychosis and worsening symptoms or new symptoms that won’t go away.

Early on I was diagnosed as treatment resistant because most of the meds didn’t work and I still thought I was in the matrix. I sometimes wonder if I got abducted and cloned (died) by Draco Reptilians or Tall Greys or aliens. I’ve been seeing aliens my whole life and have missing times or gaps in consciousness and memory on and off my whole life spanning years. I do think reincarnation is part of the mechanism for the universe and experience something like an infinite time loop or eternal return/eternal recurrence, but I swear I believe and remember most if not all my past lives and it’s all negative like me being scared, dying, and being tortured or hurt. I do feel like I was driven insane by aliens (today) and tortured millions of times by them. I still believe in simulation theory and it’s all consciousness based like transfer and mind uploading. It’s like mind control to me.

I don’t know what they are, they might be evil spirits, demons, my subconsciousness, or aliens, but I doubt they’re from another planet or galaxy or universe, but I don’t know why they are targeting me. It does seem spiritual or demonic or fake even…

There seems to be amnesia walls in my brain from 2011 onward like a split, schism, or split in the timeline or a split in my consciousness or two different people walking around in my mind. I don’t really see or hear anything at all, except now when I dream at night or sleep.

I had delusions I experience the butterfly effect (with no memories, just reincarnation into the same body, which I was told was not real). I believed I’ve been many famous people over the years including John Titor and Satoshi Nakamoto but have no money or proof and limited memory (cannot trust my memory and told they are delusions). I have memories of experimenting on myself, some college degrees in parallel universes, and jobs/careers and even homelessness.

I believe I was even in mk ultra in a past life/parallel universe and used different time travel methods including physical devices, mental time travel, and alien time travel like cosmic strings/wormholes. I believe I’ve even been outside the computer simulation and stuff which is extreme and weird and odd even to me…

The only constant in my life is schizophrenia for eternity. It feels like torture. I just bought Oppeinheimer the Movie and realize I am like Prometheus and discovered fire but get tortured by the Gods in every life and have a short life and sad and bad life.I’m always poor and don’t live long and feel like I’ll be murdered or something because I have irrational thoughts and paranoia.

I put my faith in God now and know life is short.


Hey ----- we should talk
I am experiencing exactly what you are
Please PM me


Hey @Anthony1337, what was your username when you were here before? I recognize your story but can’t remember who you were then.



I’ve been johnnyboy1, insidemind, and astefano I believe.


Was confident of the johnnyboy1. Its been years.


I also remember johnnyboy1

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Back to OP.

Look at meds then diet and exercise.

It’s a tough game but adding diet and exercise can help somewhat. It’s hard to say but moving is good…makes you less of a target and exercise has proven benefits…

Get mobile then look at your diet. Helps with exercise and ap’s are usually associated with weight gain but exercise can help with those negatives…and negative symptoms really are deal breakers for a lot.

Keep up with your doctor. tell them about your feelings because they really are what most of us experience so you need to address them in our clinical setting for sure…

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For me it’s both meds and the brain condition that makes me feel not as alive as used to before, but I do feel a joy with my hobbies.

Sometimes I’m rather “spacey” then other times I feel like my brain is very active.

Those are 100% real disorders. I used to experience both of them. I tried telling my doctor and he said something like “You’re thinking too hard” DP and DR scared the sh’it out of me. I thought I was losing my mind.

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Welcome back to the community.


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