Did psychosis change you?

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It changed me so much… some things for the better, some things for the worse.

I used to be the life of the party, always cheerful and with a joke, now I’m the quiet one, still have jokes but not as cheerful.
I used to walk a lot, and always go places every day maybe because of my mania, now to get me out of the house it’s a struggle.
I used to be a lot more full of myself too, now I’m more humble, which is cool.
I used to trust people immediately, now I don’t trust people as much, but that’s a good thing, I was so oblivious to others being evil, always saw the best in people, now not so much.
I used to believe in magic, in reiki and all that stuff about souls and afterlife and reincarnation, now I’m a skeptic. I don’t know, so I don’t pretend I do just to make myself feel better.
I’m still me, some things didn’t change. But I feel so different.

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In some ways. Some of my experiences have changed how I approach the world in general, situations, people, etc. Assume/trust nothing, prepare for everything, and don’t get attached as anything could change at any time.

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I’m definitely more humble.

the biggest change for me, was from believing anything was possible, to being, shall we say realistic about my abilities. speaking off which, seem to be pretty low, so maybe it’s a good thing to be realistic about them.

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Is it common to feel more humble after psychosis? I think my experiences made me more narcissistic in some ways. Neurotypicals often seem terribly empty and simple-minded to me. I often feel like I am surrounded by robots. The only ways in which any humility creeps in is when I’m lamenting how having a more expansive mind isn’t actually useful in any way. So maybe it’s more of a jealousy problem, not sure.

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I think being full blown psychotic, and then coming out of it, humbles a person. If that is phrased correctly, if not, you get what I mean.

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Well it makes sense in theory. Maybe I just feel jealous, so maybe that is one way it changed me, as well. I perceive most neurotypical people as being on a similar level as the birds in the back yard, but I also bet it would be nice to be a bird.

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Jealous of what? There’s no need for that, everyone has issues. You’re a good person, there’s no need to be jealous.

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Well hopefully if I can ever find the right meds and/or psychotherapy for me, then I won’t need to be jealous anymore.

Having a mind that is mostly empty seems to make it easier to go through life. Most of the people I know are functional at least on basic levels… holding down good jobs, providing for themselves, having at least somewhat healthy relationships, etc.

When I try to talk to neurotypicals, it is always stuff like… The new baking recipe they tried last night, some gossip about someone at work, how much snow we’re supposed to get next week, etc.

While meanwhile I’ve been up all night worried about the fate of humanity and weather or not souls exist. Or while everyone is talking about Wanda’s new shoes, I’m trying to navigate all of the little, weird things that come with socializing with people, I can hardly focus on Wanda’s god damned shoes.

But this doesn’t mean I ever have any answers. It’s like… pseudo-wisdom in a way. In the end it’s all just a bunch of chaotic, overwhelming nonsense flooding my brain all the time. I must conclude this because I haven’t actually done anything with any of it. If this were a natural selection situation, I’d just be dead by now, probably.

So I get simultaneously scared of the idea of being so empty and simple, while also jealous of people who are.

My mother and her husband are getting back from their vacation in Mexico today, so I am sure they will be talking at me a lot about everything from what their hotel room looked like to the food they ate, and wanting to show me a bunch of pictures. I honestly don’t care and find it all rather boring, they’ve been on like 50 vacations that look just the same. I’ll probably find it aggravating but have to act like I am in a good mood. I get disgusted with it all. So then it’s like, what if I could genuinely be in a good mood, wouldn’t that be nice, but then would I be becoming something that disgusts me.

It’s weird.

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Oh I get that, trully. My mom showed her pictures of recent Macao a few months ago and I couldn’t sustain myself from saying I was bored.

It’s funny though, before I couldn’t shut up about metaphysics and politics and human evolution, now I do well with meaningless chitchat, things change.

There’s no need to feel less than them just because your mind is concerned with other things, that too is transient and can change believe me.

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If I ponder this… I think coming out of psychosis changed me. I used to be over the top hyper… hyper.

It’s a bit hard for me to really remember myself before psychosis… I was hit pretty young… so when I talk to my family… I think I pretty much grew up in psychosis.

I know that my younger melt downs helped shape how life is now…

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I used to be fun and loving.
I used to be a good Catholic who went to church all the time and was even an alter server.
I used to wear colors. Now, I wear black.
I used to wear clothes for the weather, now I wear trench coats even if it is 95 degrees farinheight outside.
I used to have a ton of friends.
I used to be viewed as smart naturally. Now, I’m seen as smart because I’m crazy.
I used to trust people.
I used to want to be a surgeon(not sure if that is even possible now, hopefully…)
I used to not understand what a delusion was.
I used to be less knowledgeable and more naive .
I used to condemn people. Now, I try to give the benefit of the doubt.
I used to know my future. Now, I see it can take me anywhere.

Did not mean for that to be depressing in anyway…There are goods and bads with everything.

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Fundamentally I’m the same person but my level of functioning has gone downhill. It’s hard to take care of myself and leaving the house is really hard. Before getting sick I lived on my own on two separate occasions. Now I’m dependent on my mom. There is so much more fear and while I make attempts at becoming more independent it scares the ■■■■ out of me. :sunny:

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Yes, indepencende is a big issue for me too. For the next couple of years I won’t be independent, I know that I need to go to college and I can’t work at the same time.

I feel you there.

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Yeah it’s hard. I graduated with a BS last August and am currently looking for a job. It terrifies me though. Good luck in school! What’s your major? I did school online which I think is the only reason I was able to complete a degree. :sunny:

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I’m going to study to be a first grade teacher and then take a masters in special ed!
I’m nervous but I think it’s a good choice.

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That’s very stressful work, good for you! Good luck with it! :sunny:

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Im loving this thread…
I just came back from a trip with my mom and stepdad and then today went to my grandmas and she skyped with my mom and she was like OMG WHY DIDNT U TELL HER ABOUT THE TRIP U DONT CARE ABOUT US etc…
While im just here alone taking drugs and thinkin ■■■■ like “whats good? Whats evil”?
Im reading zhuangzi, and recommend u all to read it if ure into this stuff. Rly makes me think

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That sounds awesome! I wish you the best :smiley:

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I used to be smarter and more confident, now I’m slow and scared. I’m sure psychosis has changed a lot about me but those two are the first I could think of. I’m also regressive, I just learned that about myself. And very paranoid. And anxious. Gee the list does go on.

Good question @Minnii

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Well for a while… I think most of the changes would have set in with age anyways. Just wisdom in general.

It did get me off drugs and has led me to learn a whole helluva lot about how the mind works.

Neural pathways, neuroplasticity, neurochemistry. I’m about 95% recovered at this point.

I also have many people to thank for all the conversations that pulled me out of the underlying neurotic confusion.

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