I have cognitive dissonance going on. Everyone is telling me that this isn’t real, so I guess there’s a possibility that it might not be. But I think it is real and that other people just don’t believe because they’re looking in from the outside and don’t understand or believe in the metaphysical. It feels wrong to sit here and stay alive knowing what I know.
It would work because, when my soul was created, so was the society of people who want to rule the world. Because of that, my soul is cosmically linked to the society and my suicide will mean that the society is destroyed. God would want me to die because he knows it’s the only way. He sent out the seed(s) and they chose souls to nestle in and this one chose mine.
Like I said, I suppose there’s a possibility that it isn’t real, but what if it is and I’m saving my life at the expense of others? It feels wrong, but I’m scared to die. I’ve wanted to die before and often, but I’m still scared. My mom’s not home. I could do something now but fear is stopping me. Is that wrong?
It’s a common delusion amongst schizophrenics to believe you’re specially chosen, and that others just don’t get it because they don’t see what you see.
You need help.If your mother won’t take you to the hospital, can you contact someone who will?
If we suppose for a second that God is real, why would he create that society of people in the first place? And if He wanted them to die, why not just kill them himself?
I don’t want to sound harsh, but you’re not special. It’s just a delusion. You’re an ordinary person with a dopamine imbalance in your brain, causing you to think there is more to everything than there is. You need to take your medication as prescribed and fight to get help.
I don’t have anyone I can contact but I’ll talk to my mom again about taking me. I’m scared of what I need to do. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why God does the things he does. How do I get myself to believe what you’re telling me?
In reality, nothing I can say can change your mind, once you’ve decided you think it’s real. You need to try and open a window of doubt, and believe that as long as there’s a possibility what you believe isn’t real, you shouldn’t follow your beliefs.
You need to make sure your mom understands how much you need the help. That you’re tried to power through, but it’s not working, and that you’re feeling a very strong urge to kill yourself which you’re not sure for how much longer you can control.
And if she keeps not wanting to take you, call 911.
So what if she gets mad? She should have child protective services called on her for not helping her child stay alive!
Okay, I’ll tell her that. Thank you @Pikasaur for trying to help and I’m sorry for not believing what you say. I partially believe, enough for there to be some doubt about my mission.
My mom won’t take me to the hospital. I’m too scared to call 911 on my own. I’ll get yelled at. I can’t do anything now. My mom’s here. I almost went to the train tracks earlier (I got dressed and everything) but I got scared. My mom says I’m trying to avoid testing next week. She doesn’t know that I almost went.
You need to say it to her as it is: You’re having major problems with delusions, and you feel a very strong urge to kill yourself.
And like I said, so what if she yells at you for calling 911? If I was there, I’d yell at her for not taking your need for help seriously.
If you do call 911 and she yells at her, tell her she could have avoided it by listening to you.
Can you maybe wait until she’s asleep and then make the call?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. hugs
It doesn’t sound like a good situation to be in. Are you in school? Can you tell a school councellor or a teacher about these problems on monday?
Thank you. I did tell a teacher after he pressed me to tell him what was wrong. That’s how my mom found out in the first place. I don’t think I have a choice anymore. I just told my mom that. She said everything’s a choice. I have to make a choice now.
Nobody is saying you have to make a desicion about whether or not to die right now.
The world doesn’t end tomorrow if you don’t do it tonight.
If you were to make a desicion, choose not to do it. Don’t walk around wondering when might be a good time or what will happen if you don’t.
Simply decide that your life is worth more than some facts supposedly only you know. You shouldn’t die.
Thanks @Pikasaur (it’s weird to call you that). And I’m sorry for continuing to think this way. I have to make a choice soon or else I’ll die and be reborn without completing my mission. The longer I wait, the more likely it is that I’ll die or be killed before I can commit suicide. Do you understand? My mom told me to think about something else. I can’t think about much else.
I think what most people fail to understand is that not everything is a choice, many times in life we are forced to do things that we don’t want to do or don’t understand why to do. Those who think or believe that everything is a choice are living a very narrow life in which the outside world never enters and mixes with the inside… or something like that…
Tell your mother that even though everything is a choice in her eyes you cannot control your thoughts all the time and this is because it is very hard to do so while delusional. You can picture it like her thoughts are a nice little trickle of water that she can contain and stop when she feels like it and your (because of more dopamine and seratonim) is like a raging river that can’t be stopped or diverted. Maybe this will speak to her…