Schizophrenia.com

Can't wrap my head around Schizophrenia


#1

I try to take a deeper look at myself. Ok I have had delusions, I sometimes have hallucinations as well. I can see things that are not there, hear sounds and occasional voices that no one else hears, I am paranoid, anxious, fearful, withdrawn, getting better a bit socially but still suffer from “negative symptoms” lack of motivation, depression.
I also suffer from a mood disorder - bipolar. Doctors tell me that I have both, bipolar and schizophrenia = schizoaffective. I can understand the bipolar side of my illness. It is rather easy to understand and explain.
But for the life of me, I cannot truly understand and explain schizophrenia. I have a really difficult time looking into this aspect of my “disorder” Doctors have labeled me as having schizophrenic symptoms, but I really feel that they too have difficulty in defining schizophrenia. What is schizophrenia anyway? There is no valid physical test for it - I talk to a psychiatrist, answer some questions and get diagnosed with schizophrenia as well. I am having a real hard time wrapping my head around the schizophrenic diagnosis - the concept of schizophrenia seems vague and fuzzy - no one truly understands what the ■■■■ it is


#2

I keep thinking that it’s such a mash up of so many other problems. In my mind, there are many pieces of this puzzle that fit together and create the whole big picture of SZ. Considering some of the SZ symptoms and the Bipolar symptoms are the same, it can feel even more confusing.

Somedays, I wish I had a pinpoint answer, other days, I’m glad my meds work and I just teeter out the door.


#3

I think views about schizophrenia change over time . For example now to get diagnosed with sz in DSM 5 you have to have one of three positive symptoms at least. That wasn’t the case previously.

The second change was the requirement for a person to now have at least one of three “positive” symptoms of schizophrenia:

Hallucinations
Delusions
Disorganized speech

It is likely that schizophrenia consists of several similar, in terms of sharing symptoms, but different conditions that have been subsumed under the diagnostic umbrella of ‘schizophrenia’


#4

hallucinations, delusions and disorganized thinking patterns are some of the heavies you usually have to have to get the DX…but these vary so vastly it’s hard to know…for instance are the things you see or hear caused by your own brain misfiring, or are they spiritual in nature? Shamans and prophets who experienced voices and visions were led to the temple or the Shaman leader for apprenticeship…now everyone is sent to the psychologist.
Also, is it caused by trauma or technology which also can cause symptoms?
Or is it just poor nutrition causing an imbalance in your body that affects the mind? this can also play a part.

You cannot wrap your head around schizophrenia because schizophrenia wraps itself around your head!
But you can break through the wrapping like opening a Christmas gift from the inside and seeing what is out there…


#5

well I felt the same way but I am a psychology major going into my third year and learned answers. And there is physical proof- brain scans show telltale abnormalities in our brains, it is physical and chemical in nature. I myself likely have inflammed cerebral ventricles, which is very common, shrunken or compressed regions of the brain are common too and related to the swollen ventricles.

Brain damages mean cognitive impairments, and I have very slight ones, I have poor attention and short term memory but my IQ is 133 (took a test a few days ago) and I make straight A’s in school. I cant remember to buy more ■■■■■■■ soap, I am down to half a bar of soap right now. I often forget to trim my nails and notice them while im driving, i need to keep them close cut for powerlifting. I got in the car to go to a concert with some of the powerlifting team members last week and noticed my nails hadnt been cut in a week so I turned around, went back home and trimmed them, then left again.

I shave like twice a week and only trim my pubes when I have a partner. I keep a close buzz cut, quite close just not shaven so I dont have to worry about my hair.

Without coffee first thing after I wake up and am pathetically weak, sedated and dysfunctional by all means. I cant even chew food without coffee or make food for that matter. My meds keep the voices away for the vast majority of the time but I still get some intrusive thoughts and delusions, I am about 90% recovered from symptoms and 99% functionally recovered as long as I keep the caffeine flowing.

This illness sucks, sounds like you’re having trouble understanding it. Try reading Surviving Schizophrenia 5th Edition, it’s a comprehensive guide and very easy to understand and thorough, covers everything without rambling about any one thing. My mother read it and seems to understand me pretty well, she actually remarks on how much of a fight I put up against my symptoms and medication side effects.

Skullfuck schizophrenia, kick in in the temple and then toss its unconscious body aside. It needs to be skullfucked and tossed out of one’s way. I am “incredibly highly functioning” according to my team of doctors and that’s my philosophy and secret to success. Skullfuck schizophrenia and then bury it alive in your back yard. Every day when it wakes up in your bed with you. It’s always there and seems like someone else but it is your brain gone haywire, dont listen to the voices, ignore the delusions, rape schizophrenia and then be on your way.

If you can’t tell I seriously hate schizophrenia, it’s my motivation in life. Being told I was going to die alone of an ethanol overdose before the age of 40 when I was 19 made me angry. Good. Anger seems to work, I have good friends and a healthy lifestyle aside from the cigarettes and I do extremely well in my occupation as a student, and guess what, it’s because I hate schizophrenia! Here I am outperforming normal people with the worst mental illness in the whole DSM, if it werent for schizophrenia I wouldnt have much of a reason to do what I do, which is skullfuck schizophrenia and then knee it in the forehead every morning.

LOL I ABSOLUTELY LOVE my philosophy- life threatening illness? Oh that’s unfortunate… SKULLFUCK IT!!!


#6

You don’t have to wrap your head around it.it will wrap itself around YOUR head


#7

That is how I feel exactly. I have insight into my illness, more than in the past, but it is still difficult for me to see that I have schizophrenia clearly. It is as if a fog is blocking my ability to see what is happening to me. Others see it a lot more clearer than me - this illness clouds my ability to fully understand


#8

I honestly don’t think I have it. Almost all my stuff is spiritual in nature.
I have on occasion exhibited symptoms but found they seem to come only with severe trauma or if I drank too much. But I cut out the alcohol last year, and am constantly learning new ways to deal with trauma. I’ve had some fairly shocking traumas which I got through - some I sailed through, some were more rough seas…but still got through them…


#9

When I get destabilized - off the rails completely, a lot of my symptoms/experiences become spiritual matters, delusions, thoughts, belief - it consumes me totally. I sometimes understand SZ to be a spiritual type “disorder” as well


#10

The evil spirits will cause people to have grandiose delusions. It’s really tricky.
What was Lucifers 'sin" but that he said he would ascend to Gods throne and become like the Most High? It all started with grandiosity!
What was the serpents temptation to Eve? If you eat of the tree of knowledge your eyes will be open and YOU WILL BECOME LIKE GODS.
So we see the explanation and origin of grandiose delusions right in the Bible.

All these cults that have made outrageous claims are usually based on the leaders grandiosity, their belief that they alone are the prophet or spokesman for God or some alien being. Heavens Gate cult committed suicide, Jim Jones, the same…then you have still existing cults like some alien cults…Billy Meier who says he was told by aliens that he would have the highest degree of spiritual evolution of any human being on Earth regarding spiritual knowledge, understanding, and ability.
He claims to be the only true spokesperson for the Pleiadians.
On the other hand X Doctor Richard Boylan who lost his psychology license for sexual improprieties with his female patients claims the aliens told him he is the only true spokesperson and he titles himself “the Counselor of the earth.”

I don’t doubt these people were all contacted by a spirit, but it was an evil spirit, a deceiving spirit…

That’s why i think it’s very important to rely on Gods wisdom and help in discerning just where messages and the entities that speak them come from.

Also when you have such spiritual delusions and start believing them it opens the door to manifestations via visions, or hallucinations. Or sometimes the hallucinations are used by the evil spirit to corral you into certain beliefs.

I’ve fallen for a few of their tricks before but over the years seen so much it’s pretty easy to discern now, combat them, and prevail over them, with Gods help.


#11

Spiritual awareness belief, as do I. Then my family and the doctors step in and insist it is not spiritual but rather imagined. Therein lies my major dysfunction. For me, the worst thing that they can say is, " well I understand that it is real to you". Maybe that bothers me because in times past, as someone stated above, it was simply accepted as a level spiritual awareness and to me that is what this feels like. Almost as if a person with schitzophrenia perceives another dimension that is capable of interacting with us. But, we cannot interact with it. What about all of the things the voices told me were going to happen, then did. How could I have seen that my husband was struck by lightning at the time that he was when I was twenty miles away and so much more. I have even had this voice identify itself as Joshua, which is Hebrew for Jesus. I agree, I cannot wrap my mind around this. As for meds, they do not help me. They only make my body severely ill, lab values and such. However for me, I have SEVERE pain that began as neuropathic pain. I was also struck by lightning, completely separate from my husband. Now the pain has changed and exists when I feel hands touching, pulling and what feels like they are removing things from my body. Thus, I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia hallucinations with delusions.


#12

e_lunaseer: You took the words right out of my mouth. I simply have NEVER found the words to express this. I tell my family constantly that I believe I have been attacked by something evil. Good meaning Christians always say the same thing to me… if you are a Christian, Lucifer or Satan, take your pick, cannot stay if you will simply call on the name of Jesus. Well believe me, I have. This causes heartfelt pain and confusion, as my problem still exists.


#13

It takes a bit more than just using the name of Jesus I found out…it’s like hard core faith, and will, and intent, and sometimes ferocious spiritual warfare…I don’t even have words to describe some of it.

One thing I can say, not boasting because others have told me - I’m extremely fast. Not just physically, but mentally & spiritually. When something comes I’m on it in a flash, voice or vision…I have tended to overwhelm them. I don’t even know how I do it sometimes. Many people freak out or just simply don’t know what to do and believe their world is falling apart.
I view it as just another part of the natural creation - one we dont see or hear all the time but is there just as sure as the air we breathe, which we also dont see…Jesus said you can’t see the wind blow or know where it comes from but you feel its effects, so is every one that is born of the Spirit.
From this strategy I have found the ability to overcome many spiritual obstacles.
By the way, it didn’t come over night. My teens and 20s were a bit of a mess. In my 30s I started getting better at dealing with it and 40s and on, a way higher level. My first vision was when i was 8 years old…That one freaked me out…another possible manifestation when I was 5 scared me, and I witnessed death at age 7 and I could sense my uncles ghost floating around after they took him out of the house…so I was exposed to all this at a young age.
Maybe there is really something to what Luna Lovegood says in Harry Potter…you can only see them if you have witnessed death…


#14

schizophrenia is so confusing, especially when you have another diagnosis like borderline personality, then you wonder what symptom comes from where, like is the aggression is borderline or SZ. And when I feel well then I wonder if I have schizophrenia at all - until I stop taking my meds and the voices come back and the self-harm and muddled thinking…


#15

I know exactly how you feel. I have 2 major mental illnesses, schizophrenia and very well defined bipolar disorder.
I may also have some kind of personality disorder on top of those other disorders. Maybe this is why I am so confused as well. Plus I still lack 100 percent insight, probably stemming from my schizophrenic side. It is frustrating not being able to find clarity


#16

sz is a beautiful rainbow and if you look carefully you will see dark sith with his new crayons colouring it all in…
take care
p.s sorry you are hurting…


#17

I know what it ISN’T. It isn’t something the majority of people go through I bet.
Here’s a saying I made up: “Everybody’s crazy, it’s just a matter of degree”.
You have to admit that there are common symptoms that earn us this diagnosis. Voices. Delusions. Hallucinations. Paranoia. And if these are severe and disabling they call it schizophrenia.


#18

I would like to talk to you more. I am 51 and although I was not diagnosed as a schizophrenic until 2012. However, many, many things have occurred over the years. Many in which I would see a vision or hear a voice of instruction upon which when I would either state what was revealed to me, whether in voice or vision, always came to pass. Thus, people would always believe me… The proof was there staring them in the face and not to be denied. This is my problem… As these occurrences started at a very young age, what is happening to me now is of a completely different spiritual entity. I believe! This entity is very strong. I believe that there is more than one. If you are open to conversation, I would really appreciate any time that you could offer me. Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. But, I am on Facebook or could be reached through e-mail. I am new to this forum. But, if there is a way for me to provide you with my contact information without going pubic I would appreciate the advise. I am determined to overcome this. I will not simply lie down and give up hope for a better future.


#19

Mine’s not severe and disabling for a period of time. Then I get nightmares and I start to think everyone is talking about me when in public, and I feel a major shift like that I’m see through and something significant is lurking beneath the surface. I become psychic, but it is sooo overwhelming that I can’t shut it off. I would like to learn to control it but our society is not spiritual or advanced enough to aid me in that test of wits. I just feel like a dam and when I’m off the medication the floodgates are open and everything is there, all the anger and rebellion I left behind. I’m not typically violent but I believe the medication has fueled a lot of the dysphoria and disconnection I feel from normal emotions. That is why I started using drugs. I wanted to feel. And that’s also why I’m frustrated because my psychiatrist wouldn’t put me on Lexapro then handed me off to a new doctor who canceled on me and I’m severely depressed and there’s nothing left to help me and I’m at my wits end.


#20

Hang in there @StarryNight - have you ever considered Paxil? I was told that this antidepressant does not really induce mania when given at the right dose. Wellbutrin is another antidepressant that should not induce mania, but it can be activating and cause anxiety in some. This darker period for you should pass, especially if you get the right meds soon. Wishing you well