Cause for Concern?

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I want to start off by saying I don’t want/expect anyone to diagnose me on this website, but instead, I’m looking for people with insight as to if I’m on the right track of my self-diagnosis and/or if I need to seek professional help.

I just had a realization through a dream that what I have been experiencing is related to schizophrenia. I just did a tiny bit of research and I guess I just want to be a bit more certain I’m on the right track before I seek help or confide in others in my personal life. However, in my research, I found that people with schizophrenia don’t know that they have it so that alone has me doubting myself.

Here are some of the things I’ve experienced that are giving me cause for concern.

I’ve heard voices every now and then throughout my life (dating back to middle school), but more recently they’re becoming more constant. I can pick out two distinct voices. One is more common than the other and a third one showed up last month and I haven’t heard it since. I noticed that the voices really went away once I moved out of my parent’s house (I live in a really expensive city in California so don’t judge!). However, I had to move back for financial reasons and that’s when things really started to get worse. I’m hearing the voices more often and the most common one woke me from the dream I mentioned earlier. Because there’s a large gap between when I hear them, they’re really scary and nerve wreaking when I do hear them.

I’ve also had what I call “realistic dreams”. These are dreams that are everyday situations such as hanging out with friends, getting ready for work/school, having conversations with others, and even messaging people. They’re so realistic that when I go to reference a conversation I had in a realistic dream with the person in real life, I realize that it didn’t actually happen or they claim they have no idea what I’m talking about. When it’s a dream involving Facebook messenger because I can look back and see it never happened. All of this leaves me confused as to what memories of mine are real and which are fake. These dreams also only happen when living with my parents.

My research also led me to delusions, none of which I’ve had but I do constantly think people are talking about me behind my back especially my coworkers, my mom and my sister. I’m not sure if that applies or is real or is even a part of some other disorder. It was also really bad about ten years ago where I thought random people in public would talk negatively about my family or my appearance so I stopped going outside since then.

I have a hard time concentrating, watching tv/movies/videos, listening to/participating in conversations, learning anything (either on my own through reading or going to class), I stare off into nothing without thinking about anything, emotionless facial expressions, I’m hard to excite (but I do get angry and cry a lot), and I find myself droning on/changing the topic midconversation or even talking about a new topic in response to someone.

I started this year off thinking it was just depression. I sought out a counselor and psychologist but never went past one visit for each. I also thought it was paranoia/anxiety/social anxiety but recently things have been getting worse. I also saw a face when I woke up in the middle of the night this past week that scared me. I don’t believe in the paranormal (even though I love watching supernatural horror movies), so I am left to deducing that I am hallucinating.

As I write this, I feel like I’m just connecting things in my life to one specific thing when I should be looking at every different possibility out there. But I guess that is what a psychologist/psychiatrist is for. I also feel like I’m jumping to conclusions and that I don’t really have anyone to help me through whatever is going on so I guess I’m also seeking reassurance through this forum as well.

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I think your symptoms are similar to a lot of people on this site,

That doesn’t mean its schizophrenia.

You must see a doctor, you know that.

Why did you cancel on your appointment?

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For my counselor, I thought she believed I was stupid. As for the psychologist, he asked some questions which made me believe that he was trying to judge if I was on drugs or not. I also don’t know how the medical field works so I don’t know where to start to even get help. I thought they would know but they were both kind of not helpful. Like I expected more from the sessions instead of them relying on me to figure out what is wrong internally.

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You just have to give it more time.

Of course they have to ask questions and make sure you’re not on drugs,

As it would totally change your method of treatment.

Stick with it for real results.

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Let me start off by saying that self diagnosing isn’t a bad thing. I believe you are just becoming self aware of your experiences and you are kind of “connecting the dots” to something that’s gone unnoticed.

I’d suggest maybe seeing someone that can ask you questions so they can get a better understanding of your symptoms and experiences. Schizophrenia is very complex and it’s difficult to diagnose and easy to misdiagnose.

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@zeno I asked for psychiatrist and they gave me a psychologist >_>

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Hallucinations are not enough to get a diagnosis of schizophrenia. You need to see a doctor about this.

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Are you from the US? Because as I understand it, psychologists in the US are not very adept at making diagnostic decisions. Either way, you’re not really helping yourself by talking about it here. Go see someone who can give you a real diagnosis.

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@GoldenRex my counselor didn’t ask the same questions he did (what day is it, who am I, where are you, etc.) so I assumed it was abnormal for him to do so.

I have been wanting to reschedule the appointment with the counselor but have been too nervous to do so.

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Regardless of what the diagnosis is (depression, schizophrenia, other), you need to see a pdoc. They will be able to diagnose you, develop a treatment plan and monitor your progress.

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Like I said in the ending, I also wanted reassurance. Talking with peers/a cohort is very beneficial. Not saying that I have schizophrenia, but I believe talking to people more knowledgeable on the subject is helpful to me.

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@moonbeam when I asked for a psychologist, they asked if I had a reference so maybe it’s not normal to just randomly request for an appointment with one? Like I said, I don’t really know how the medical field works.

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By pdoc, I meant psychiatrist, not psychologist. Ask you GP for a referral if that’s required.

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Also, there are things that I’m embarrassed to talk to professionals about. Such as hearing voices.

I’m also concerned about actions they legally must take such as me admitting to having suicidal thoughts.

I don’t know much about the laws, rules, regulations, etc. so it has me worried about what I should say and what is better left being kept to myself.

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They should know about everything so that you’ll get the right treatment.

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@zeno I would normally agree but if I even mention about having suicidal thoughts, they would take me to a mental institution, give me whatever drugs they think I need and keep me until they deem I’m better.

That happened to my brother, but he was a minor so my parents had some say in his treatments. I, as an adult, will be determined to not have the ability to think for myself and whoever is my doctor will have the final say on everything.

I have bills to pay and a job. I can’t afford to go missing for a month or two or until they think I’m better.

I’m worried about other things that would cause the same response or worse, even jail time.

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Here’s a sobering thought—If you don’t seek treatment and you eventually act on your suicidal thoughts, you’ll go missing permanently.

The idea behind treatment is to keep you from ending up in a crisis situation where you need to be hospitalized. The sooner you seek treatment the sooner your symptoms will get addressed and managed.

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I’m not sure that ‘having suicidal thoughts’ is enough to hospitalize someone… :thinking:

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If you’re in the beginning stage of schizophrenia (there’s a name for it but I don’t remember what) getting to a psychiatrist right away is really important. The sooner you treat schizophrenia the better. Right now you have insight but if you let it go, and it is schizophrenia, you could end up losing all touch with reality down the road. Treatment would help once somebody got you to a hospital, but it’s still best to avoid that if you can. It can be very disruptive to your life. In the US you often have to see a psychologist or counselor and be referred by them to the psychiatrist. So if you’re in the US see the psychologist and tell them what’s going on so you can be referred to the psychiatrist. Good luck and welcome to the forum!

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@LilyoftheValley is right about the importance of early intervention.

Research has confirmed repeatedly that the earlier that people get treatment for the early signs of mental illness (especially schizophrenia and related disorders) the better the long term outcome for the person.

You can read more here:
The Importance of Early Treatment for Schizophrenia and Psychosis

Also, here is list of Early Diagnosis & Treatment Centers. Maybe there is one near where you live.
Worldwide Early Diagnosis & Treatment Centers for Psychosis & Schizophrenia

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