It’s more just processing the hallucinations that stirs up a bunch of controversy in my mind.
Self criticism has found flaws with about 90% of the things I think.
It also seems very real. I just don’t know any more.
I’m not taking meds daily. I have some that I take when I feel it’s needed. The experience is basically the same as it always has been.
Today has been stressful though. I’m glad it passed quickly but voices started surfacing and I couldn’t figure out why. They were just echoing my thoughts. Then I realized how stressed I was.
Thanks for the concern, means a lot.
I’m calling it early hoping some sleep will turn things around. No coffee tomorrow. The subtle ainx and alertness are probably making me think to hard. The whole point of this was accepting life for what it is and clearing the mind. I lost sight of that.
I have forgotten at least a hundred times that I can’t do caffeine (in any form) without consequence. I will probably forget that a few more times.
But I do read Old Man Krishnamurti every few days to remind me that the “whole point of this…” (fortunately).
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Yeah dude. This is just kind of the nature of addiction, but I try to commit to stopping smoking even if its just for a few hours. 10 minutes later I’ll smoke without even remembering that I was trying to quit.
This experience is so chaotic, and traumatic to to truly recall that I’ve gotten pretty good at forgetting about what has just happened. Given 10 minutes or so. It might end up being a detrimental trend.
Makes it tough to have a consistent outlook going from day today. For a while there I’d be feel superb by nightfall/bedtime. Only to wake the next day and have to start over.
Look at it like this: at least you haven’t been unjustly incarcerated in a federal prison somewhere in another country or even in your own country and you are depressed because of this. I think that they will have to force happiness on me after everyone else in the world is not suffering anymore . I’d rather suffer with the masses then to go on a cruise even if it were for free. There is a time for everything under the sun even if it is in another life time. Time will pass either way.
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Positivity goes a long way.
As a counter point though, the masses aren’t suffering. It could be said we are all suffering to some extent, but this is pure psychological destruction. I’m at a loss for finding new ways to progress with this.
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The point is that there are those who have it worse and the ones who have it better, and so on through the spectrum either way to the more positive side or the negative.
Yeah I get that. I don’t see it so much as a spectrum, human suffering has more dimensions to it than that.
In isolation it’s easy to feel like the only human in the world.
It was wise to say “falsely” incarcerated.
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Spectrums in like what fractals are. They can be infinitely smaller and infinitely bigger copies of the same pattern. There is an interesting documentary out about Fractals, you may have seen it already, it is not that new. I’m talking about fractals of the mind. Patterns of thinking.
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I just mean it’s not a linear thing. Different sufferings don’t add up or equate.
Fractals of the mind… I’ll think on that for a while.
Yes I understand that view of suffering and that it becomes magnified when we deal with it alone. I can adjust the magnification of it just by going out to the store for a minute or two. But when I’m at home it is like being an isolated particle under a microscope.
They aren’t? (Have you taken a look lately?) Have you ever been in a place like Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, northern Mexico or the Philippine Islands? I have. THAT was suffering without much hope.
I’m just gonna put my head back in the sand. Was referring to the american masses. Also had this ping in my head saying that life in general is suffering… its also and STD. That’s just the kind of day I’m having.
I make the kind of a day I am having. For better or worse, My day does not “happen to me” (as in the Latin reflexive sense that is so unconsciously normalized by our language that we do not see that we believe in pure ■■■■■■■■). My mind was conditioned by language and common cultural learned helplessness to interpret the events around me as being “bad.” Now I just see that they are whatever they are.
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I get the perspective behind that. I’m worn out though. Just want to sink.
Life is…no more or less…it just is and If you can fit yourself in there without compromising your principles? …well , thats all that you can ask for.
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“Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” – Vince Lombardi
I heard that on cable TV one night when I was loaded. I was thrown into pandemonium.
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