Another April, another day.
Iām considering a relocation. Iām thinking of moving to the sea maybe. Things are not so nice where Iām currently staying. We have a new tenant in our establishment who rant at me last night about his bipolar wife and people with sz. It was very triggering. I feel so exposed and self conscious about my MI atm.
I like blood, sex and booze. Wait thatās inappropriate. I like sex and drugs and rock and roll. Thatās more socially acceptable.
Sigmund Freud did tons of cocaine.
In reality I am a scholar. In my experience, I am in a labyrinth and it looks like it will be a long time before I find my way out.
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I got sent home from work today.
Became enraged by an action of a colleague (that I now recognise was trivial) and was being told to stab him repeatedly which was quite stressful. My boss questioned me as to what was wrong and I started crying and told him I was struggling. He sent me home even though it was just before lunch service- they couldnāt afford to be a cook down- and said heād give me today as holiday and add the three hours I worked onto my shift tomorrow.
Also he said he will organise a meeting with me and the new boss (he is leaving in 11 days and we were not getting a new boss to replace him) so I can acclimatise to himā¦ and vice versa lol.
So pretty ā ā ā ā but I guess now that I am in a better mood I appreciate how hard my boss works to keep me employed.
In other news I remembered to buy Easter eggs but as I cannot eat chocolate (fat or sugar) on my diet (of which I have lost 7lbs since starting last week) I am glad I am working Sunday to avoid temptation.
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doing ok i think. voices gone quiet for a few days on and offā¦tired but other than that everything is fine. 
though i am rather fat right now which is a pisserā¦need to lose about twenty four pounds in totalā¦diet started todayā¦roll on tomorrow when i will eat even more fruit or vegā¦
Wax on wax off. Thatās how Iām doing. Over all feeling better
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Iām doing o k. I turn 53 in just under two weeks. I guess Iām o k with itā¦itās a lot deeper sounding than 52ā¦here comes 55 !!
Up and down, Iām only 2 weeks out of my latest suicide attemptā¦you all almost lost me and didnāt even know it roflmao!
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Iām really sorry to hear that @Vivotica
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You didnāt stab anybody did you man?
If you could manage, the sea sounds good.
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Iām glad you at least get Wax off.
I hate that numb feeling of wax build up. Sometime I think it even affects my skinā¦ even physical sensation feels far away and muted.
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Yeah i know what you mean. Basically all senses dulled
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Weāre out of assisted living and in our own apartment. The assistance program has our bedroom furniture coming Tuesday and my husbands brother is giving us his old living room set tomorrow.
Isaw my MD this week and am waiting for referrals to come in the mail for PDoc and Neurologist. He has his MD appointment on the 15th and Iām worried about his health but the Drās there never told him about half of his medical problemsā¦grrr.
Other than that so far so good. I even managed to drive a U-Haul this week.
I hope everyone else is doing well.
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Your own place, congratulations. That is very good news.
I hope you get to enjoy doing it up and adding the home touches.
Maybe a nice plant or two.
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feeling very depressed. the voices arenāt as strong, but theyāre still there. Iām scared one day Iāll give into their suggestions of self-harm. Iām so tired of all this
Cheer up sunshine. Like my mom always says 3 things your happy for.
and getting fatter!! but my baby girl is beautiful!
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Iām 2 months smoke free and nicotine free!!!
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seeā¦getting fatterā¦twenty pound gain in about two and half months. i drink lattes like theyāre going out of fashion. 70 calories a cup and i can drink twelve in a day. thatās 490 calories just in 7 coffees!! so iāve limited myself to two a day from now onā¦hoping the weight will drop off soon 
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