I have to manage like six different meds. Take them all at prescribed times.
I have to wait for my passport to go through Canada to Alaska where my home is. And waiting just for that has lead to extreme boredom pacing around just driving me nuts at times. So just waiting for the move it might be in the mail tomorrow so I’m excited about that. Once I move in life will be different it’s just this stage of waiting and haven’t the ability to occupy myself.
What about you? Where are you at in your life? What do you do to occupy your time? Is there anything in particular that your waiting for to keep you from moving forward?
I started college now, so studying has been occupying my time. Im feeling a lot better than I was just a month ago. Something changed for the better and Ive been symptom free for about one week now. So things are looking up right now. I thought I would struggle more with cognitive issues but I’ve been remembering the important stuff.
Well…I’m currently very alone and terrified of life, the world etc…
When I started posting on here I had moved back home into an apartment above my families garage to help as a member to start a clubhouse model program (look up ICCD clubhouse if your wondering what this is)
It’s been maybe a few years (they fly by so fast and only faster as I age…so don’t age if you can control it :)unamused:
It’s been a few years now I guess, something like that, and it’s been a horrific blur. I was never involved with the planning process of the club in the beginning stages (I absolutely could have been) and it just wasn’t right from the beginning. Something went wrong with basically every aspect of my life that I rely on for at least the illusion of comfort and support.
I don’t really know what to say here without making a long drawn out post so…so basically I’m extremely alone in a scary world right now, I’ve never successfully made it without the support of my family (at 33 ) I’m terrified, lost the support of clubhouse and have no idea why, my family drove me into the hospital (drove me insane is what) over the summer…if I’ve done something, anything to them…the only thing I can think of is that they know about some things I’ve posted online…I have no idea.
I’ve been living reclusively for so long, I feel I know nothing about the way the world is out there…or how to get by. I’d give anything I’ve got for a friend right now…I’m serious anything. But they’ve all moved on with their lives…even the most recent just gave up and left.
The guy in me hates to say it, but i’m actually just such a damn sensitive soul that I will…I cry off and on nearly always now. I have a big orange cat who I live with…I’m in dire straights to get entirely off my families support and yet can’t as they’ve made it in so many ways impossible.
So…basically my life is impossible and I’m hurting more than I ever have in my life right now.
Going to move in to my own apartment soon, will be really nice to not have to live with my ex anymore. Also going to stop smoking weed but not until I live alone. Really looking forward to being more alone and being free to meet new people.
Finances are going pretty bad… I’m not working, my bf has less clients since the summer is over - more shows but that doesn’t count… still having mood changes, from depression to euphoria, abilify is starting from tommorow.
Final exam is just four days ahead and I’m kind of nervous.
My kid’s surgery for two weeks.
I’m still very prone to opiates.
I’m still very codependent…
But it is nice fall after all. And I smell really nice right now.
That was painful even just to read.
I’m so sorry that you have such a hard time right now. It is also hard to find the words that won’t sound pathetic, so I’ll be short:
You are only 33. Society is already like a cruel stepmother from the worst tales - don’t make it even harder blaming and loathing yourself. Really, I think that the first thing is to make yourself friend for and within yourself…if you know what I mean…and only then you will be able to find friends in others.
Sorry if that was painful to read…yeah, society, never was a fan…I need to remember that for myself in fact. As far as friends…have managed to be my own but there’s been so many of me over the years…I’m just so fractured that it’s difficult.
My last friend probably inspired me to blow my mind more than it already was (I’m coming to the retartedly and probably repetitively late realization that I’m actually senile in my early 30’s) and took off south when things went that way for me.
Meh…I always have this damn cat. Thanks for responding.
Just started on here, so finding my footing. I’ve dealt with symptoms of schizophrenia for 35 years, but not diagnosed until this past summer. Have lived on the outskirts of normal life, never been hospitalzed, never medicated, and have managed to make it this far. I am remarried to a wonderful man, have a job I love, and live a pretty good life. I have a relationship with my voices and visions that incorporates them and makes them bearable. My main concern currently is in wanting to share with ohers my diagnosis and story of survival. But I fear the stigma and resent the judgements.
Well I can’t put myself into your skin…but as a human, and partly as someone dealing with depression and frustration, I simply refuse to believe that there is anything intrinsically yours that makes you unable to have friends…or just socialize.
Our thoughts shapes us more than we think.
And it sucks because they are mostly negative.
I really hope that you’ll pull of that vacuum space you’re in now. Actually, I believe it.
What’s on my mind right now? I was prescribed some meds for something non schizophrenia related, had an allergic reaction to them, now I feel light headed, and I’m wondering if they’ve done permanent damage to my brain.
Only time will tell, but with catastrophic thinking, it’s not fun waiting.
@mussel that is horrible. I hope you find a new friend. I wish you were happy.
Personally, I just wish I could stop smoking. I fell down a couple of days ago and am still using chantix and I run out of cigs tonight so tomorrow is yet another chance to go smoke free. I get to see my family sometimes but yet not enough to keep me happy. I have to use my girlfriend’s car when I travel because my truck is on the fritz. I hope to have a better life soon. Stopping smoking means a lot more money in my pocket. So that’s my plan.
Driving me insane right now…I need to quit (just stop?) but can’t because (I’m not even getting into it right now) I was a heavy and heavily addicted smoker for a little more than half my lifetime. It was a girlfriend, at 14, my first (of only 2) long term relationships…who got me hooked. She and her friends were stealing about ten packs a day back before tobacco products were put behind the counters (the companies kind of well…knew this) so I was basically a pack a day smoker since 14.
Now…I need to quit. period. it’s insanity without getting into the insane part. I NEED TO QUIT.
I’m sorry for all your troubles @mussel. But like @Sarad said, you’re still very young, your life can take a turn for the better.
There isn’t much left to say, we’re here for you when you need to vent or just talk. There is something positive about this that I keep reminding myself whenever I feel depressed, we have this illness, the worst one of the mental illnesses spectrum and we still can enjoy a laugh every once in a while. I can see by your posts you have a good sense of humor. That means you can use positivism in your favour.
That’s what everyone even somewhat older almost ALWAYS says 30…31…32…now…33…you’re still SO young!. But then I think of everyone I’ve known who has or had careers and families by now or at least started one or both. Did something with their lives (with them at the wheel at least) (weird I know)
But where I am…I was down at the city park last night just looking out over the water and there was this group of stupid teenagers being stupid teenagers…and they made me feel old…while those older…well…don’t…they have often made me feel young.
Well I think it like this… my dad died in his 60s and until then he was a complete child lol seriously, he was a child, behaved like a child, talked like a child, made tantrums like a child. So that thought me that we only grow up if we really want to.
I’m 28 and I look 16, I intend to act 20 for the rest of my life lol
Teenagers are always stupid. We were once stupid teenagers
Don’t compare to others.
First rule of life or whatever.
My psychiatrist always repeats that.
Find and do what works for you.
I have a kid with 22. My cousin, educated and pretty 33 yr old doesn’t even think about baby or family. She is single. Other girl that I know is only few months older than me and she has two books published. We studied at the same college.
We are all different. And that is how it should be.
Pixel your synapses up there sound like they are functioning extradornarily well to be involved in such activities. Best of luck to you and thanks I’ll get this move over with soon and look into a future where I can function well somewhat like you
Hi mussel sounds like there is much pressure in your life to know about what’s out there and support yourself. All my friends left too but I can say hi whenever I want to family I just don’t sometimes. I’m 33 too all I can advise to you is just look up and remember your amazing for hanging in there!