As a child and young teenager, I had a friend, lets call them B, and we have known each other since we were about 4 years old.
We both went to the same school and college and were really good friends when we were both 11-16 years old.
However, when we were 16 and started college/sixth form, they started acting differently towards me. They would insult me about my anxiety and the fact that I didn’t talk to many people. They would complain to my face about how awkward I am and that I’m “such a weirdo”. They would tell me that I’m practically invisible to everyone and that I “never talk” which was such an over-exaggeration because I did talk to people who I trusted.
They would tell me to kill myself “as a joke”. They would call me ugly one day and pretty the next. They would make sarcastic comments whenever I felt confident enough to talk to new people. Basically they just made me feel completely worthless and like s***.
Gradually I stopped talking to them and hanging around with them and now I haven’t seen them for quite a few months.
But now they’re trying to get back in touch with me and asking how I’ve been (they know that I’ve had a couple of mental health crisis’ this year) and if I want to hang out with them soon…
I replied to their message about a week later saying I’ve been busy and now I’ve ignored their reply and don’t really want to reply to them at all.
If you don’t feel you can sit down with your friend and express your feelings about how the way your friends actions are effecting you negatively then there really is no reason to carry on with the relationship. I wouldn’t want to put up with that kind of treatment. So stand up for yourself or walk away. Good luck sweetheart.
People change sometimes for the good and other times for the bad. I’m not very good with relationships, I pretty much have to feel the person is on my side and trust worthy or I don’t want anything to do with them.
Sounds like your friends are not very nice to you and really what is the point to keeping a friends that make you feel bad. You have to do what makes you feel good about yourself.
Well, friends are hard to find but personally I would rather be alone than face that crap again. I had similar experiences with so-called “friends”. My guess is that your friends had their own issues and insecurities and problems that really had nothing to do with you but they took it out on you.
But some people do mature and outgrow that behaviour and their own difficulties as a young person make them more tolerant and empathetic as adults. On the other hand some people never change and grow up to be nasty, mean adults.
First, try and explain to them what you just explained to us here. That you’re sensitive and their behavior has affected you deeply. Tell them you consider them a friend, and friends should be supportive to each other. They might not understand, at each point you’ll be entitled to severe any ties with them and go on with your life. But if by some miracle they do show empathy and take steps to improve their behavior toward you, then everyone will be happy
It sounds like the only reason you are even considering it is because you have history. I would definitely tell them to swerve off. Are you opposite sexes/had chemistry too or something? Because if not it’s kind of weird that someone who was bullying you like that suddenly wants to hang out randomly.
Either way I get it. I have a friend like that and every now and then she ropes me into some craaaaazy thing. If they seem genuine though, I might pick the place to hang out at and make sure it’s not anything that would bring back bad memories.
You are definitely not being unreasonable. What I find interesting is the reasons friends start acting like that to begin with. There is a good chance they are doing it in order to “fit in” with everyone else. Who cares if people think you’re odd? Trust me, it is much better than those who create a separate persona just to fit in with society when they are someone else entirely in private. In essence, they are basically lying to themselves and have way more issues and flaws than you do. It is very likely they feel they need to find a victim to bully in order to draw attention away from themselves and their own flaws. Embrace the things they criticize you for! I don’t know about you but why would anyone want to be ordinary anyway?
We all have epiphanies at different times in our lives, and its possible your friend sincerely cared about you all along but fell victim to peer pressure in order to fit in?? She may now finally be seeing it for what it is…who knows? But always stand your ground and don’t appear weak even if you feel you are. If it were me I’d be direct and say something along the lines of… “Please don’t be offended if I am not exactly eager to say ‘pencil me in’. The history of our friendship doesn’t exactly give me a warm fuzzy feeling. If you want to be my friend, then be my friend. I just have too much going on to invest any time in a friendship that isn’t genuine. That being said…You tell me!?” – But those are my words based on my personality as I have no time for fake people, but I am easy to forgive if they prove themselves worthy. I think part of you does want to talk to her or it wouldn’t have been worth posting. If you don’t want to be friends at all anymore then I still think you’ll need to converse with her in order to end it. A friendship that lasted that long can’t be in limbo without the pain of it lingering on endlessly without proper closure. Just give it some time to think about it and the answer will come to you by what your heart tells you to do. Best wishes with whatever it is you decide! Hugs!
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I understand you have had a rough time lately and possibly even the thought of reconnecting is too much for you right now. That being said the person may have changed through time and may treat you really good now. Who knows, but if you want to find out you’d have to be willing to take that chance and right now you are struggling so it may not be a great time. In the future, however, if you are feeling better maybe give it a try. If you don’t want to deal at all with it don’t. It’s your prerogative.
No you aren’t being unreasonable. Telling someone to kill themselves is never a joke. You’re welcome here @Jesspresso, don’t ever feel like you’re alone.
Yes @jesspresso, I think in male animals there is a tendency to compete for female. But in human, man want to avoid this situation. Man generally do this by depressing the woman or by love or by family. But I don’t know your reasons. If other people involved in any love than it definitely discourage man. You have to talk directly to him. Take your time in talking. And you have right to punch him if he is not serious. After all you have to decide your life. There is no limit for other man and they will available in any life time. If you are thinking that any other man is talking sympathetically and good person, gentleman than it may be a mistake in time.
@anon1571434, we all know “telling someone to kill themselves is never a joke.” but think about the mental of the man who said this. I think my girlfriend also said that in her mind when I was became SZ. it’s a defeat of both.
Why you are giving kill or death word, too much importance. Men die because of nations, family. So we feel proud. Even men die because of no reason, after falling from motorcycle. I would say to my gf - I will kill you if you come in front of me. So I think that it is necessary to her to find reason why he is saying. Rather than to find reason to separate.
