TLDR: I had a childhood friend that ended up being shitty to me in my adult life. I cut her off due to my SZ and for her being shitty. It’s been 4 years. We stopped to talk by chance and it seems like she’s changed a lot as a person. Im thinking about reaching out.
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So there’s this person that I’ve known since the sixth grade. We became very close friends. So close that she would come on family trips with us. Basically siblings. I have a lot of good memories with her.
She made me the god parent of her child when we were 18.
Fast forward to 2019 and she is asking me for money or rides pretty often without paying me back. I felt used. So I stopped spending much time with her. Which I feel like is a valid response and I was right to do so.
Then she became homeless for a short while with my 5year old god son. So I let her and her boyfriend and her son stay in my apartment for two weeks. They argued all the time. Then they left the place a mess when they left.
I am too nice so I figured I’d just speak up about it. Ask her to come clean up and then we’d be good. But both her and her boyfriend avoided the conversation completely. And that’s what broke the camels back.
After that I was done with her. I cut her off without saying a word. I felt bad about it for a long time. I still feel guilty, not about cutting her off but instead because I didn’t say anything before I did it.
Naturally, she became really worried about me. And rightfully so because this was when my SZ was at its worst. I had really wrong and twisted delusions about her. And began avoiding her out of fear. She showed up to my job once because she was so worried about me. Weird but she was genuinely worried and heartbroken. After all, she was my best friend and I cut her off while being actively suicidal. I can see how that’d be scary from her perspective.
Eventually she stopped trying to contact me.
Well it’s been 4 years since that happened. I’m doing a lot better than I was before. I am more confident and stable now more than ever. And if I’m being honest, I miss the friendship we used to have when we were kids.
So yesterday our paths crossed at a store in my city. I was wary at first but she stopped me to talk. She didn’t pry into my life, she just gave me her new number in case I ever did want to reach out in the future. She said there was no pressure to contact her but if I needed her for anything she’d be there.
I get the feeling she did a lot of maturing in those 4 years. And I believe people can change. So I am going to talk with my therapist about it tomorrow. And discuss possibly reaching out to her and seeing if she actually did change.
Just posting this because it’s been on my mind quite often today. Feel free to leave advice.