I had an agreement with a friend that I was staying at his place until tomorrow, because we have no money and the only way we could both eat was if we pooled our resources together and ate whatever he had in the fridge/freezer.
Yesterday, he came home with a really bad mood. Like, REALLY bad. He livened up after a few hours and even told me that he was sorry in advance if he wound up biting my head off, so I thought things were fine. But then, he started getting more and more grumpy, and we wound up sitting several hours without him saying a word to me other than the occasional “this annoys me so much, if you do it one more time, you’re gonna have to leave” from him.
I normally don’t mind being the punching bag when he’s in a bad mood, because I know it’s not really about me, but yesterday…
He wound up asking me to leave at like, 5AM, right before he was finally gonna go to bed so we both would have had some sleep.
I had to walk home for an hour in cold rain. And I have no food at home. This was not part of the deal.
I feel hurt and rejected, and he made me feel like even though I was trying my best not to annoy him, my best just wasn’t good enough.
I haven’t heard from him today, so I don’t know what his current mood is.
BUT.
I feel like he owes me an apology. Would it be unreasonable for me to ask for one? I know I shouldn’t hold grudges, and that I’m not the boss of him, and he did technically apologise in advance. But still?
The way I see it, I have four options.
Contact him myself and tell him that what happened was not cool, and that I feel like he owes me an apology.
I feel like this would exaggerate things if he’s still in his bad mood, but it’s also the most honest way.
Wait until he contacts me, then hell him yesterday wasn’t cool and that he owes me an apology.
Contact him with some careful “how are you doing today” and “did you get any sleep” to kind of gauge his mood, then pretend like nothing happened and we’re cool.
Wait until he contacts me, but pretend everything is okay so not to make the situation worse.
I can’t cut him loose. We’re very good friends, and we’ve had tiffs in the past that we’ve gotten over.
I don’t want him to get the impression that I’d up and leave him for having a bad day.
I’d ease into saying it wasn’t OK the way he treated u… start off with the mood questions to see where he stands and if he doesn’t seem so grumpy than tell him, or if he is grumpy tell him later… but if u don’t speak up it could happen again
Well I’d wait for things to blow over and explain you need the money cause your in debt and can’t even feed yourself. Try to discuss other ways for him to get enough to eat. You can still stay his friend That way
I’d still feel pretty shitty about doing so. I don’t like putting myself first, and we had a talk about food the other day where he told me if I need food, I should let him know and he’ll pull on some connections to get me some (there are help groups on fb and such, and people who give out free food.)
That’s what I’m afraid of as well.
I don’t want to give him the idea that that sort of behaviour is okay, but I also don’t want to seem like I’m making a big deal over nothing.
What happened was that he got very quiet and visibly annoyed, and would turn to me every so often saying things like “Sit still or you’re gonna have to leave” or “say something like that one more time and you’re out of here.”
It was like my mere existence annoyed him, and nothing I could do, or try not to do, helped in any way.
And no matter how I replied to the things he said, he’d get annoyed that he felt like I was either talking back or trying too hard to please him.
I wound up sitting in the same position for an hour out of fear of making him mad, and when I finally shifted my position because my back and my legs were hurting, he snapped and told me he couldn’t take any more and that I had to leave.
