On the 30th of June I had a med review. I came in with my arms cut up to bits and the doctor said “Oh yeah, your going to the hospital”. Why he thought I needed it I’m not sure. But I said “You think so? Well I’ll be damned”. And took off running! I went to my car filled it with fuel and went six hours away to a friends house.
Everything was fine, I went on a sailboat from 1933 and another big boat that took us to see some way cool rock formations. Then my mom called me and said the cops are looking for me! That they have a petition to get me to the hospital. Well, my mom told them I was on a vacation, but she didn’t say where.
I’m back home now and am hiding. Last time I fled an appointment, the cops found me. They think I’m still on my trip I guess. Should I call my case manager? I don’t think I need to go into the hospital at all. I stopped taking the meds and found myself talking back to the voices all day yesterday, didn’t leave the room, suicidal. Today I feel great and went for a bike ride and played basketball. Bought a ton of blueberries! Should I pick up my meds and take them? What about when I run out? Thinking about cutting so much, strong urges. Fighting them. Any input is welcome, thank you for your time.
Well, the vacation is totally cool.
the cutting and suicidal thoughts are not cool…
it sounds like when you stay busy doing things you dont have the self harm thoughts or behaviors.
Sitting around and doing nothing seems to trigger things.
If they have the court petition might as well go because that’s not gonna go away and they will pick you up at some point. I have seen people picked up days later when they are fine for something they did days earlier…
But I can’t cut myself in the hospital. Thank you for responding, I’ll see about taking those meds. (Am still wondering if I should though) Take care jukebox.
Thank you e_lunaseer. I found one of my favorite razor blades in my car, thinking, thinking. “Go get the blades!” they say! Will go for a run to stay busy. A good night time run, thanks for the suggestion.
So this petition won’t go away no matter how long I wait? What if it’s a month from now? Should I call my case manager? Maybe I should wait until my meds run out, then call her. Or not call her at all, and leave for good, someplace far.
I know it doesnt go away after a few days or even a week. Idk about super long term. I dont know if it operates like a warrant that pops up anywhere.
I’d just trash the blades and mock the voices and make them feel bad… people can overwhelm the voices if they really try. It takes some effort and wit but it can be done. They do not have to be obeyed even if they are heard…
Yakdip, no matter how far you run, they will catch you? Might as well “face the music” and hand yourself in…I will pray that you do the right thing and go into treatment…you shouldn’t harm yourself and talk to voices all the time…you deserve happiness and that will only come from getting treatment !!
Last time i didn’t take meds, which wasn’t even my choice, i laid down to go to bed and there was a light coming from the kitchen that shouldn’t be there.
It was brightening and then dimming unusually, like breathing, up and down slowly.
I went outside to get away from it and i looked at my neighbors tree and it was flashing like lightning and moving around like an animation, it was the only thing in my vision doing this though which was odd.
I walked a little closer and looked at our tree and there was a gigantic tree sized serpent made of light angrily staring me down, and holy ■■■ was it pissed off, ill never forget that i don’t think, it was very detailed to.
After two psychosis and this incident im gonna go ahead and say take the meds, meds are better than that.
Hey that’s good advice, to mock them, yeah I’ll give that a try, thanks. Even without the voices, I still want to cut, can’t get rid of the blades. But I’ll consider doing it.
Thanks for your knowledge. It’s been longer than a week, but I still don’t trust the agency. If I go ask for a med refill, they’ll pounce.
Can somebody pick up the meds for you so you don’t run out. Have a good run YakDip! Your case manager probably would like to hear from you. I hope everything works out for you.
you can’t run away from your own mind, i’ve tried, it doesn’t work.
take your meds, it will stablize you.
you have to stand and fight this illness it won’t disappear like magic…
as for cutting i did this in a big way, and now regret all the scars…mine was linked to the ocd/ptsd part of my illness.
but the boat ride sounded cool.
take care
Thank you for your prayers jukebox. I hope they become of good use. I’ll considering turning myself in since that’s kind of what most people are telling me. Thank you.
Well, I just discovered that it says “No refills remain” on my med bottles, so I guess I’ll have to go into the agency and ask for more. The refill lady will probably tell my doctor I asked for them. And he may or may not send the cops. I’m hating to accept defeat.
Thanks darksith, I have just taken the meds. Sorry to hear you have cut on yourself in the past. (Hugs). Will try to stay away from hurting myself as well. Take care too!
Please, getting help to stop cutting is not defeat. It’s strength. It’s a strength I wish I had more of.
I’m sorry you having this hard time. I’m sure it’s scary having the doc and the cops try to chase you down. But please, if they get you stop cutting, then wouldn’t it be worth it?
It’s hard to get out of the mind set of cutting. The act it’s self can get addicting too. It’s sometimes easier then crying. I know it’s not like this for everyone, but sometimes, I get so defeated, so confused and overwhelmed, I almost don’t know which end is up emotionally any more.
But with help, with distraction, with other coping tools, it might be easier to not grab for the blade. I do hope you get some help. Please don’t think your defeated for getting help, and facing this down. It’s hard to do. But it just gets worse and worse as time goes on.
I hope the best for you and I do hope relief comes your way soon, without the use of cutting.
I’m not Sz, I usually stay in the family section. But I am a friend in the struggle with this issue. I am hoping you heal and find the strength that I sometimes lack.
Yes, take your meds. You don’t want to go into psychosis when you are not around people who would be there to help you. If you
insist on not going to the hospital and you run out of meds, go to a walk in clinic and tell them you are on vacation and forgot to bring meds and they should give you a prescription.