Umm… I am having issues. The box of memories and the rubber band are not sufficient to keep me from cutting, I think because the reason I want to cut is not because of depression or suicide or anything like that. Sarah keeps telling me that I should look at the muscles, the muscles are wrong and that I need to get these worms out of my body. So there is that, but also I just have the urge, strong urge to do it. And it is making concentrating at work impossible. Also I want to run away from everything… i just want to get away from all of this, i feel like if i can run fast enough i can get away… K is very upset about my cutting she says it hurts her and I don’t want to hurt her. My speak at work keeps getting messed up, I ham aving a good morning today with it and spelling things correctly but I keep having visions of driving into oncoming traffic in the morning on the way to work. I couldn’t draw last night. I am constantly paranoid and everything is starting to look very strange. I don’t know what to do about all of this… Still can’t find a doctor, not on meds.