Things change. All the people who committed suicide at their lowest point might have gotten better in a year if they had just stayed alive. In AA they taught me, “Don’t quit ten minutes before the miracle happens”. You can’t predict the future. Things get better for many with schizophrenia.
Hell, I spent 8 months locked up in the hospital in the 1980’s.when I was 20. I suffered and went through hell. I felt suicidal often. Now here it is 38 years later. I’m sitting in my nice car on my laptop sipping a soda and listening to Christmas carols. In an hour I’m going to drive across town to check out the Christmas light displays.
Afterwards, I’ll go home to my nice apartment and eat lasagna for dinner, take care of some business online with school and have a nice leisurely night. And I have many idyllic days like today. Do you see my point?
I am so sorry to say this but I agree. I don’t look forward to retirement and having nothing to do all of the time. (I can retire in 4 years.) I don’t know how I will pay the bills (especially medical bills). I will miss my mother who will die someday. My current job that I return to in a week is miserable–no one talks to me and I feel stressed all the time. In addition I have had chronic neck pain for about 4 weeks now.
Though I welcome death, I do not intend to commit suicide.
I should be happy and grateful, but I am not.
I believe in the afterlife, and I feel like I’ve had some brushes with death with super-intense pain in the brain that felt like a vessel was going to burst, that I went to the hospital for repeatedly, but in spite of the pain I kind of want to stick around, because I feel that it does get better.
My schizophrenia symptoms are somewhat in control, even though I can’t listen to live radio or TV without hallucinating, or be comfortable outside hearing mumbles from people. I have a kind of minimalistic life that is still fairly interesting and fun.
@Here4You, my age is 46, and I will get pension after retirement. I have two homes, one is of my father and another I bought this year. I am a schizophrenic and all my family under stood that I never be able to earn money. But I luckily over come. I think it is important some time that to denie the real truth and search for the opportunity. I said it because I never accepted to other that I am mental ill or SZ. When I started SZ illness, there is no psychiatric in my town, my mother take me to general Hospital, the doctor gave me medicine but not benefited to me. After some months I went to a psychiatric of other city. After some day because of side effects of antipsycotic drug my mouth drained more saliva. So I went to that doctor of general Hospital. He asked me did I treated by psychiatric some day ago. I replied "No, I am not."
So I also want just to overcome this by denying.
Everyone is saying that life is so important but if it isn’t important to me then im just living to please others. Not trying to be a Debbie downer but what kind of life is that? To be honest, I’d rather die young. Just haven’t gotten the courage to do it yet. Currently praying for an accident or something… and I use the term “pray” loosely.
Not condoning or promoting this shitty outlook, just sharing my own personal thoughts.
I’m 56 years old. I’ve had paranoid schizophrenia for 37 years. Even on my worst days cool or funny things happen in my life. Life ain’t easy and I get sad and miserable sometimes. But things can change on a dime and I can feel perfectly s*itty when i wake up on many days but I get up, take a shower and go out and face the world and just do my day and I almost always have good things happen to me. So I will stay alive.
NO WAY would i kill myself just cos i had SZ. Yes i do suffer alot - like most of us do - with the voices and the endless paranoia. But to end it? Not a chance. If people dont like the way i am they can jog on. I have too much of a (bastard) mentality to actually give 2 flying (fucks) what people think of me.
Im the niceist person in the world. But if you cross me im liable to (fucking) ruin you!
I prefer living. life is harder with schizophrenia but that has made me get the best out of myself every day, overcoming, effort, optimism. I think I have more reasons to be proud of myself than before.
I think Christmas time is getting to a lot of us, in a bad way. It is supposed to be a moment of joy and family warmth, but those who still struggle suddenly remember that their lives are in shambles.
My advice is, think about kids in Africa who die of starvation or horrible disease. For example, there is a worm which can grow inside their eyes. Flesh eating worms, I think.
Remember there is always someone worse off than you, yet they strive to stay alive. As long as you breathe there is always hope.
LOL! I can promise you im not. Im just defending my right to be mentally ill in peace without some idiot judging me based on my medical condtion. THEN - i might start gathering info on said person via the internet and such and “get my own back”. If people are going to call me nutter, dont be suprised if i dont get angry and start acting like one!!!
Sometimes (replace sz with sza). My positives aren’t much better than they were 23 years ago when it started. No friends and certainly no girlfriend. AFA housing wasted over a year waiting for a spot at a rather big low income apartments that as it turns out only has a few spots for the disabled.
What keeps me from really considering it is that I know I could survive the attempt to be further disabled. That and I know my mom has depression and maybe would never recover. Also if I survived I would be spending a long time in a behavioral ward. I can’t stand behavioral wards.
As far as actual reasons to want to live, I don’t have many. But there are a lot of negative conequences to trying to leave. These keep me pretty far away from really thinking about actually going through with anything.
I guess I want to live because there is so many things I still want to do. I am not satisfied I guess.
I want to travel to so many different countries, see my nephews grow up and become adults, have my sister and brother visit me in Canada, adopt a dog!! bake some desserts… take pictures of flowers… explore the city… it goes on!
I definitely want to live. I don’t think I would have said the same thing 10 years ago. It’s amazing what the right med combination can do for a person. I have sza but I work, go to school, and have a boyfriend. Those are three big accomplishments to me. I hate having sza but it has made me a better person. I am glad I am alive.
