Schizophrenia.com

Worry getting the better of me

I’ve been all over the place. My illness is making me paranoid. I’ve been accused of something and my preliminary trial is next week. I keep emailing my attorney all this stuff that’s all over the place and my paranoia.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my friends overdose and her cousin contacted me but I didn’t meet him because I slept all day. I was exhausted.

I’m afraid that they won’t believe me and that my illness either bipolar or schizoaffective might make me incompetent to defend myself.

I don’t know why they think what they are charging me of other than either there’s something I don’t know or the police made it up to get more convictions related to her overdose.

I wrote my defense. It’s a first offense felony charge and I was arrested before I knew I had a warrant.
I was told by another possible suspect in the investigation that they kept his ID too.

But he didn’t have to be in jail he got bonded as soon as he was charged I was pulled over at 3am for using my head lights at night on the highway. I’m so confused!

What do I do with my symptoms making me paranoid and afraid of everyone. I started fearing my friend has killed my boyfriend who also overdosed after I broke up with him over his drug use. I had come back to get my belongings and talk to him and he refused to listen then I had to call the ambulance because he overdosed in the bathroom.

I was having premonitions of voices and visions:
“They’re trying to bankrupt you. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Your family is in danger.”

I have had voices warm me to leave my boyfriend because something bad would happen that I had nothing to do with and I had warnings and my visions always come true it seems. Not my paranoia but the actual Premonitions.

I kept wondering why I should leave my boyfriend and then I found out about his drug use and I left him too late and that’s what the voice kept saying : leave before it’s too late but it was random then.

I have good insight and intuition usually. I do have psychic feelings sometimes and later come true.

But yesterday I was unwell. I was irrational and I wasn’t having hallucinations I was just assuming stuff that upset me a lot.

I wasn’t there when she overdosed and if she had overdosed when I left I didn’t know that! But she died on the 16th and I was there on the 12th. If she needed medical attention I should have known and then I would have called the police on the 12th in the first place but I was confused and overwhelmed.

I know one of the suspects is saying or thinks I bought drugs that night. I have bank statements that should show how I didn’t have money.

But I’m being charged with conspiracy to rob the one accused of first degree murder for not calling ambulance and letting my 19 year old friend die after she overdosed and not doing anything. That’s sick. I kept wanting to go back the two hours and check on her. I kept trying to get her friends t check on her and explain things but they said the door was locked. The accused killer took her and carried her into his room.

I am innocent but I wish I had been more aware so I could have saved my friends life.

Guess I’m not supposed to talk about this at all.

The best thing to do in this case is tell the truth, and stick to your guns. there was very little you could have done, so you shouldn’t assume guilt. I’m sorry for your loss, that can a very hard thing to deal with.

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Thanks daze I’ll be alright but my family has suffered financial losses because of everything. My dad got me out of jail as soon as he could. Not sure what it means having your rights not read on a warrant for -arrest when I wasn’t summoned or notified by anyone.