Worried about what people might think

i get really upset about what people might think about me,

its worse when i am in my local cafe and its during the day on a week day and i keep thinking people are asking themselves ‘why isn’t he at work’ or ‘why hasn’t he got a job’ i feel that they are judging me all the time and i hate it, at least if i was symptomatic i would have an excuse but truth is i still cant work and even though i would like to work it would probably make me symptomatic again.

i am even scared to get a haircut just now despite me really needing it because i am worried about what the hairdresser might say or ask me about if i had a job etc.

There are different kinds of work that has strange hours. Working night shift gives you days off. Nobody knows why you aren’t at work. You could be a nurse at a hospital and having your days off going to a cafe. What do you think all the other ppl do for work? Do they work? Or are they out for lunch while working?

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I was just going to say, if they are there too, why aren’t they at work? :wink:

You are good guy and you have every right to have a coffee. People are too busy to wonder why you are there too. It took me a long time to realize that people were too busy to watch me. Besides in a coffee shop, everyone’s eyes are on their lap top or phone. It’s not on other people.

The world doesn’t run on 9 to 5 bankers hours any more. I heard a great line and it made me think of you…

A person got asked “what do you do for work?”

The guy said, “something I hate very much and don’t like depressing people by talking about it.”

If the hair cutter asks, you can say something like that.


It sometimes amazes me how busy the mall can be in the middle of the day in the middle of the week. A lot of people are not working, me included :smile: When people ask me about work I tell them that I’m taking a much needed break.


Yeah, it’s like me worrying about my table manners when in public. I was told that other people are too busy eating their own food to care whether my table manners are acceptable or not.
Of course, there are always people who just want to pick a fight. One girl in particular said I ate like a pig and then later said I chewed like a cow. Tough ■■■■, with my head injury, I’m lucky I can eat at all.


you are right that people work different hours but truth is most people work 9-5 shifts and if i was on the night shift i would probably be in my bed most of the day and the people in the cafe are mostly pensioners or mothers doing their shopping,

maybe it is worse for me because i am a man and we are supposed to be the main bread winners or maybe its because i’m being slightly paranoid

but truth is i think i am ashamed of myself because of my illness, i wish i didnt have it and i wish i was able to do all of those things but because i cant i think i am ashamed :frowning:

This is just my personal opinion but I think you need to give yourself a break and heal. You just got out of a negative learning environment, you are still student status so you are retraining. Just because your not in class right now doesn’t mean you can’t go back to a different school when you feel better.

I can understand those feeling of being ashamed and embarrassed, but you have worked very hard and you just got over an energy draining bout of serious flu. You still volunteer, your still trying to get out there and do your best.

Ok, what do you like to do? Have you taken some time after all this change and flu and school to do something you like? Paint or work on your music or just get away and decompress?

You have worked hard, you do deserve some time to just BE.

Maybe lie and say youre a student. Students can have all sorts of class times, I have taken classes until 930 pm before and classes starting at 920 am before.

Or say you’re getting your degree online. That’s a big thing these days and quite believable. People on this site are getting online degrees. I made a post about college and a few people said they do it all online.


the only thing that saved me last night was watching in the cinema ‘the Lego movie’ during the day and that night i got depressed and went under the covers and listened to the song ‘everything is awesome’ over and over again,

i thought one day i could buy lots of Lego and play with it with my kids ‘if i ever had any’ then i was depressed about being single and then i started thinking that the Lego could help me boost my imagination and that it would be better playing with Lego than going to college anyway, then i got depressed because i never had any Lego growing up except at my grans and i wasnt a loud to play with it sometimes and my head was just all over the place, anyway i was under there for 3 hours but i just wanted to hide away.

thanks @mortimermouse but i hate lying to people,

i think i have a pathological fear of lying and that i will be sure i will be found out

I am really sorry to hear that you are sliding into this darkness. is there a way you can get some help pulling out of it?

I’d say, get a few Lego’s and let yourself play, you deserve some time to be artistic. My Dad will use lego when teaching a sculpting class. Just as way to start the imagination ball rolling.


here is the song on youtube-

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ok dreamer…listen to james. uv just gotten over the flu and my last pdoc told me that after u have a physical illness u will always feel depressed because of the bodies immune defence reaction. it’s nothing too major and u will get through it. i was the same after a chest infection. hang in there hunni. buy some lego and just play for a while until u feel a bit better. u managed two years at college and that’s amazing to me. i haven’t even started yet and don’t know if i could handle a full time course. so come on out from under the duvet and just try and relax for a bit. nobody thinks any less of u because ur going through a rough patch. it happens to us all and we’re all here for u ok? hugs. jayne xxx


daydreamer i feel the same way i get a mobile hairdresser to drop by my house.

Go get your haircut and when the haircutter asks you how you want your haircut, just answer “in silence”.


or say u see dead people or pretend hes ur councellor hehe
but seriousle ask questions about styling product you wont get them to shut up!

I have learned not to care how people are thinking. I have some weird chew movement, possibly caused by some brain damage and people notice this in stores, banks and elsewhere. I have accepted that I have also this disorder and I do not care what people think.

I have the same fear about going to the hair dresser. Luckily, I’m a woman and my hair looks best long so I don’t have to go often. But whenever I do I hate the social thinking that you are supposed to gab about everything to your hair dresser. I just usually answer questions in one or two words and they usually get the hint that I just want my hair cut and don’t want to talk. But sometimes they don’t. If you can steer the conversation toward something positive in your life. For instance, I have a puppy that I could always talk about. It helps me if I’m talking about someone else in my life, not my life. Like I could start talking about my pregnant sister and touch a little on her complications thus far into the pregnancy. It just helps me a little to be like one removed from the conversation rather than the conversation focusing on myself. Or I ask them a lot of questions about their life, what their kids are in college for and such.

I am worried about what people will think of me too. Just today I told my neighbor I’m on disability because she asked what I was doing for money if I wasn’t working. I even told her that I have schizophrenia. Which I usually don’t tell anyone. She told me that she was also on disability, which I already figured. And she just told me that you can’t worry about what people will think of you. Some just need a little extra help to get by. A lot of people are judgmental I think. But as my neighbor said, they don’t know the whole story and they don’t know what’s in my head. Hang in there. I hope it gets better for you.


I worry in all social situations, since I’m an aloof dufus.

who cares what people think , it is irrelevant .
don’t get me wrong i used to care but i don’t anymore.
what matters is what you think of your self.
you have a disability no different to a wheel chair.
the truth is people are not thinking about you, they are too wrapped up in their own lives.
if they are judging you, they obvoiusly don’t have a life…!
take care