how do you feel when you are in public like stores? i always feel like i am being watched, especially by cameras. i get nervous and i can says honestly now i know cameras aren’t zoning in on me but when i’m in public i start to sweat i get nervous and rationality goes out the window
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Awful.
Just awful.
I completely relate to how you feel, aside from the cameras part.
Though it does feel like all eyes are on me, all the time, and it’s just plain awful.
My paranoia flairs out in public, even while I’m driving.
I recently went from full-time to part-time simply because it’s becoming harder and harder to just be around people. And I’ve been experiencing a lot more episodes because of it, I believe.
Society is a circus.
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I’m considering doing the same…but I really need the money of full time so I’m pretty conflicted.
I’m sorry you’re stuck doing full-time. I know how hard it is. It’s damn near impossible.
What kind of work do you do? Maybe your boss or someone can make some accommodations for you.
A while back I finally told the lead of my department what I struggle with and she made some accommodations for me.
I know not all places are supportive like that. but I wonder if yours is.
And well, if all else fails, I’d consider getting a new job that’s the least bit stressful, but then that’s an endeavor in and of itself, but probably the best next thing.
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I just work retail but it’s stressful working with the general public, I’d prefer a calmer environment but with a lot of busy work. Just haven’t really looked around. I make decent money doing what I do now so I’m not super motivated to change. Sorta wish I could just be on disability but I don’t know if I qualify, I seem to hold a job okay.
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I feel gross because I never comb my hair, do my make-up appropriately or look presentable but oh well. I also feel confused because I know that there are cameras and microphones everywhere monitoring me and I don’t know how long they have been there. 5 years? 10? 20? my whole life? I wish I knew how long my reality has been staged and how long I have been controlled/monitored but I don’t know. Public is a reminder I am being watched and pure confusion cuz I don’t know how long or why.
Yeah, I can only imagine how stressful that is. I personally couldn’t do it for a single day, so kudos to you for being able to.
Decent money is important, but in my opinion your mental health is even more important. Because the way I see it, your mind is ultimately what cranks out the money. Your mind is everything.
I’d look into janitorial work if you ever get more motivated to change. Maybe a shift in the evening, or at night, when it’s calmer, less busy out. You’d definitely be busy, cleaning and whatnot, and it’d be a lot calmer. Won’t have to socialize, or deal with anyone much really. It’s one of the more ideal kinda jobs for those that have trouble dealing with people directly.
I wish I could be on disability too, but I don’t think anyone who proves they can hold down a job would quality. But could be totally wrong on that. Haven’t looked into disability because I don’t consider myself disabled, just… impaired, I guess.
I don’t think you’re gross for not doing any of that.
Heck I rarely ever groom myself as often as I “should”.
I’m a guy and I go days without shaving, brushing my hair (which is rather long), and only shower twice a week. It’s all I can force myself to do.
I wear the same clothes quite a lot, cuz… I just don’t give a crap.
Try not to give yourself too hard a time.
You don’t always have to look picture-perfect to be or feel human or something.
In reality not many people do.
And that’s perfectly fine. More ideal in my eyes… to place less focus on appearance. Frees up some room to focus on more important things.
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I appreciate your perspective. You’re right. Being a human being is first. I guess it’s more that I actually feel good when I am showered, legs shaved, hair done and make-up on but that isn’t reality these days and I am equally worthy without all that. Point taken.
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I haven’t left my building in 6 months, but when I did I would always get overly self-conscious and anxious. Don’t really know what to do about it since it started after heavy weed smoking.
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I used to be the one who watched the security cameras at my ex’s shop.
It was pretty easy to know who to watch and when.
As far as out in public, they can watch all they want, I don’t give a rats fanny who looks, and I don’t give them any reason to anyway…plenty more weirdos out there to focus on.
Besides, do you think anyone really stares at the monitor all day?
No…and I’d bed more than half the time there’s no one at all, or if there is, their eyes are glued to their phones.
I have security cameras, inside and out, after you have them you kinda get used to them and camera’s don’t seem to bother you as much, kinda like facing your fears.
As for going out in public, if anyone is watching me they would probably get bored really fast
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I feel paranoid and uncomfortable like im out of place. I don’t like a lot of people in an area but I can tolerate it. So I just stay away from social settings.
when I’m in public I dissociate most of the time, get so paranoid and anxious of others knowing my thoughts. I feel like an alien and everyone’s going to attack me. As long as I don’t have to speak to anyone though I’m okay
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This ^
15charlimit
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Sometimes I’m confident and normal and can look at people and smile and say hi. If people engage me I can usually respond in some manner. But other times I’m just hearing voices all the time that seem to be coming from other people. It always feels like there’s some sort of telepathic communication going on and it scares me. Sometimes I have to find places to hide, places where no people are around and nobody can see me, just for a few minutes before I go back into a visible area.
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Same here. But even when I hide I feel exposed, like they can still somehow “connect” to me and magically know that I’mstanding there even if I’m hidden. I usually hear an intrusive thought from pretty much ever single car that passes me on the road on a bad day whenever I drive my car. Or they abuse me with all sorts of intrusive sensations. And it’s even worse in actual public.
the worst part for me is when i catch strangers staring at me and i feel like they are judging me immediately off how i act or how i look in that exact moment.
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I used to feel safe in public and scared when I was alone because when I was alone was when the demons and ghosts and whatnot would come after me. But now I hate being in public. Other people make me so angry, just being around them and tiny actions they do. Daily life is very unpleasant having to deal with this, which is why I want to go back on Zoloft to try to manage this strong and irrational anger…
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If it helps you to know, all humans are pretty strongly self-centered, it’s a human trait. Even people without psychosis a lot of times will feel like all eyes are on them when in reality the people around you are barely if at all aware of your existence. I forget what it’s called, the spotlight effect? I for one don’t even notice the people around me, even if there’s someone I know, unless they get too close lol.
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