Maybe terror is too strong a word? Insecurity? I am told I’m agoraphobic in that I am phobic about social situations that I feel can turn against me. I’ve had it attributed to a lousy upbringing, Sz, autism, and possibly even sunspot activity. Quoting out jobs is something I have a hard time dealing with. I put off quoting out this last major contract long enough that I risked losing it. Couldn’t sleep for two nights while the client mulled it over, and then spent an hour eyeballing the return e-mail before finally opening it in the throes of an anxiety attack.
The client accepted my offer and I’ve got a decent gig lined up.
I’m tired of continually freaking out over things I shouldn’t be freaking out over. I have an excellent portfolio backing me up. I’m a well-trained, experienced photographer who can go into the most adverse situations and still come out with usable images. I’ve been doing this for years. So why the constant anxiety?
Same goes for DJing – I put a LOT of hours into my mixer whenever I need to decompress. I’ve got so many practiced sets ready to roll I could probably win a shoot-out with DJ Tiesto ('cept for the part where he’s sexier than I am). I nearly lose my @#$% every time a pack of teen girls cruise over to make a request, though. (Thank gawd I’m training 'em to use IM to send in requests – that helps a bunch.)
Feel like Sisyphus rolling a gorram rock up a hill, that’s what I feel like.
Anyone else here who has dealt with this and has some tips for getting past the fear and freaking out every time I have to talk to someone or go into a social situation regarding work?
Social anxiety, social paranoia, where’s the line?
One has a positive stigma (that it can be cured), one has a negative stigma (Your’e pretty much fu**ed with out meds) You can develop so much paranoia to a delusional state but can the same happen to anxiety? I feel like it can. Like what came first? Anxiety causes psychosis or psychosis causes anxiety?
Anyways… I think exposure therapy works best. Desensitize your anxiety/paranoia situations. Social withdrawl or isolation can really mess people up in my eyes even if your still arround people but ‘mentally’ withdrawled.
They’re probably afraid of you too in the sense that MANY people are actually shy. Maybe you’re a perfectionist and you’re trying too hard to do everything right. I know that fouls me up. A lot of times if a social encounter doesn’t go as smooth as I think It should be I count it as a failure. Maybe you are doing better than you think. I hate to be negative but you may have the same problem I’ve had lately. I’m doing OK in life and people are congratulating me and giving me compliments (on here AND at work and my famiy does too) and then I expect too much out of myself. I think I should be doing EVERYTHING good. I think everything should be a success. That just sets me up for failure. I was VERY productive in the nineties when I was working, attending school, going to 5 or 6 AA, CA, and NA meetings a week, socializing with a friend and going everywhere with my family. I’m older and I probably won’t reach that level of functioning again. I won’t rule it out. But no matter what I do, I still have schizophrenia. And no matter how productive I become I will still have it. I hate to be negative, hopefully you will get more positive answers from other people.
Almost every health condition I have falls into the can be managed rather than the can be cured category. The ongoing management starts to become a burden over time. How it feels to me, anyhow.
I’d rather have a realistic answer than have someone blow smoke up my @$$ if you know what I mean. I may just have to come to terms with the fact that I won’t see much more improvement in this area (like my swiss cheese memory and non-existent organizational skills).
My last two weeks have been crammed with coaching archery, volunteer bus driving, shopping, meetings, meeting with customers, and traveling around with family. I’m just so damn tired. I’m running out of the energy I need to keep pushing back against the constant fear.
do you think maybe it could be a fear of failure if it is for a job quote?
when I quote jobs I always try to maintain the mindset that i offer a premium service and that theres always more clients out there.
have you ever tried self talk?
when im experiencing a wave of negative symptoms or depression but I have to meet with a client I do something beforehand like.
"Ok Justin , your the man , pump it up , lets go, lets do this. you got it man. then ill listen to some song that makes me feel really powerful. just get some egocentric confidence rolling in me. (im pretty humble by nature)
you can make your self talk whatever you need it to be.
Don’t look at it as something you constantly have to fix look at it as a gift makes you more in tune to your fears and emotions. Social anxiety is common and so is panic attacks just know people empathize/sympathize (idk which one) with you.
Actually my experience being socially anxious made me more aware of myself and others in the best way possible it’s just an attention thing maybe. Well I didn’t try to shift my attention like that but it happened. Anyways I think Social Anxiety and psychosis are gifts to help you better cope with the world.
But hell, I’m not having ‘symptoms’ right now other than social anxiety and I’m home right now so what the hell do I know
Yes positive self talk is the best Cognitive work out! You don’t have to do it all the time just when you don’t have to talk (You talk in your head obviously).
What I do sometimes is give myself negative self talk sometimes as a sort of reverse psychology thingy. Not like “You suck” kind of thing. More like “Happy no your’e sad, happy, sad, sad happy, happy.” It kinda confuses my brain into being in the moment. But it’s kind of stupid for me because I like to be 2-3 seconds behind to make things a little deeper. It’s nice.
You’re doing a lot.You are doing more than most people with schizophrenia. And more than a lot of so-called “normal people”. Kudos for that. This may be an off-the-wall suggestion but have you ever tried meditating? I used to do it for years (albeit not every day in a row) and it relaxed me and relieved stress. It recharged my “batteries” temporarily. You are aware of the serenity prayer of course:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference”.
I don’t know if you can learn how to improve in the areas you want. I hope you can do it or if all else fails and you can’t improve I hope you can gain the serenity to accept it. You NEVER strike me as someone who gives up easily.
Yeah, a fair amount. I’m sure I’ve got half of the kids at my daughter’s school convinced that I’m going crazy if only from my habit of silently enumerating ‘risks’ I see while driving a bus. I find the ongoing dialogue helps me work around my memory issues. The kids are all used to seeing me talking to myself under my breath while driving.
I’ll sort of have a dialogue with myself enumerating positive reasons why I shouldn’t be freaking out while I’m in the middle of freaking out. I also use music to distract myself whenever possible. Losing myself in the beat of a high energy song helps. Ten years ago I probably couldn’t do half the things I am now. I guess I lose sight of that progress when I’m fixated on the obstacles I still have?
Yeah , I think if you look back at all the progress you have made and all you have learned and accomplished already. that in itself will give you confidence in your quotes and meetings. just have to remind your self each time.
I forget all the time too, especially when someone is trying to knock my prices down. I have to tell myself to relax and then tell them why im better than Mr. Sparkles
I don’t wanna seem crazy all talking to myself out loud though I tend to do it anyways when I get frustrated but yeah I’ll have to try doing it out loud someday when i’m in an anxious situation.
its something you would do in private. like if I was in my vehicle before I had to get out to go to the meeting or whatever I might just say something out loud for a minute to myself.
I’ve learned to leave that alone. You know what the say about the Devil and idle hands? He apparently likes to mess with idle minds, too. My version of meditation these days involves organizing my music library and trolling Youtube looking for unusual covers of pop songs. Relaxes me without providing a void that gets filled with something nasty.
I also like a hot cuppa and taking a few moments to pet the cat. I can lose myself in her purring. Purring is the best barrier I know of for nasty thoughts. I guess I’m letting the furr ball do my meditating for me?
Ah, yes, except it goes by the following names in my household:
The “I’d be able to park a 4x4 on that stupid ■■■■ in a fair world” prayer.
The gritted teeth prayer.
Wish I could some days. As my wife keeps telling me, “not everything needs to be a fight.”
Need to grab some zzzzzz’s. Nite all. Thanks for the input.
I worked with the public as a front desk receptionist at a hospital for 27 years. The terror of rejection gradually subsided after about 20 years. I finally came to feel that there was no danger there. Unfortunately, I have to agree that the only way is exposure. Anything else seems to be a rationalization.
It’s not easy interacting with people about money either. Your dealing with money and family moments. But your right… rely on the strong portfolio and the vast knowledge you have. I hope this get easier for you as time goes on.
I hum and haw when people down the street ask me how much I would charge for some basic gardening help.
Super nervous… cold sweat, and nearly ready to throw up… very afraid to tell them. It’s an odd feeling charging for my time. For me sometimes it feels arrogant. How dare I think I’m worth that much. I get very anxious about it.
Well, I’m glad you didn’t loos the gig. Good luck and I hope it a fun one.
Enjoy and all the best.
Just the fact that you can put yourself out there and work in social settings, says a lot - not too many people with SZ or Aspergers feel comfortable doing the kind of work that you do.
I would say practice talking and dealing with the public more - when you are out and about, in shops and stores, the mall etc… expose yourself more to people.
I have a hard time socializing with strangers especially, for me it probably is my depression and anxiety getting in the way.
Best of luck to you @shutterbug
I dont like to meditate also - too paranoid, I am not comfortable with the process
aren’t you married with a daughter…run your own business…have a house…drive.
mate from where i am standing you are an amazing success.
all with sz and other stuff…!?!
remember ’ normal’s ’ suffer from anxiety…
remember what you have achieved, where you are, what you have…i only have admiration for you.
remember normals feel the same.
take care
