today i was talking to someone and the person asked me what i did or if i had a job, it was a difficult thing to talk about but i tried my best and i said that i was unemployed but i did a bit of volunteering and i was doing a college course but i had to stop doing it recently because it wasnt working out, the man said that it was hard for people to get a job just now and i said yes it is then we stopped talking (it was a bit awkward tbh)
another person comes over and we get talking and he was telling me about himself and i ddont remember what he said but i was a bit more open about it this time and i told the person that i had been unwell for a long time and i am feeling a bit better now so i wanted to do more things because i didnt want to sit around all day feeling sorry for myself, i said i was on benefits and that i wanted to do more, it was a good conversation even tho i was feeling nervous, i am glad i told someone because i have been worried about what people might think about me and he was good about it and didnt judge me or anything.
i think its the way you tell it to people that does it, like its good to be completely honest because people usually admire that about you, i did leave some things out of the story tho like the label, i did not want people to associate me with that word ‘schizophrenia’ because of all the stigma about it so i just said that i was unwell for a long time and i wasnt really lying you know.
anyway it went pretty well and nobody gave me any funny looks or anything, i think some people sometimes think the worst if you are not completely open about things, like they might think i am just a waster or something else and they wonder why i dont have a job and how i support myself, thats why i did it because i didnt want people to think bad about me,
i remember i said about someone i knew who had never had a mental health problem and still didnt work, he was a waster and a drug/alcohol abuser and i was thinking i was better than him because i have always wanted to work and if it wasnt for my mental illness i would be working, i was thinking that i have a reason for not working unlike some people.