Well, i need support now that i’ll do it one day i guess… We tried all the aps here… And my pdoc says to wait and pay efforts…
I am ill since an eternity, since kid… I never had hallucinations nor voices but other stuff… I guess, i am unhappy too…
My dad was beating my mom and my sister till death when he was alive…Idk if it played a role in my illness… But why i often don’t relate to other szs also? I have many friends who are szs and they have some life… Me, nothing… Just here, with all my physical pain too… Are there other people like me? Its hard for me still to confront to other people… But maybe, ill be better one day, what do you think? Just be patient or what?
Its hard… I sometimes feel as a bad person now 
… Idk why meds don’t work well on me. My pdoc says, that they work, but am still ill wow… Is it really just up to me to get better? Did i deserve to be alone in this battle? or maybe i suck to say, that i am alone… I have my mom, my sister, couple of friends and even a buddy man on internet…
Sometimes I feel that loneliness of which you speak. But I have good days, too.
Ok, but why i am always the sickest person since forever? I have no life since 30 years jayster… Nothing… i struggle even to talk now… idk why i am like this… Is it me who is doing something wrong? Its a pain to always feel as a sinner idk… i also carry those physical manifestations of my illness, idk… Maybe i should accept my fate… its only me who is like this…
but 30 years in isolation is something, yeap…
No one loves me maybe… No one likes my personality… I live myself as a psychopath and this is tough… My last friend, who is ill too, told me, that she would have killed herself in my place because of my isolation… that’s how it is here…
Well, I have a faith that gives me some comfort. I did have some significant pain in my life.
Ok, faith… This father of mine, who was beating my mom and my sister, was in the commie party… Faith was far from us… Faith is far from me now… am still feeling as a psycho tonight with this… am sorry for your suffering… But am tired to fight too… i want to live happily as hell, while in the same time, i have suicidal thoughts… nothing helped me till now from the docs… And now i just sound as just a tough girl, who doesn’t want to be happy… its not that easy no…
do you know that my mother keeps saying, that ill be forever ill? and alone? while the parents of my ill friends never say this to them? and i don’t know how, but they are all better than me… how so? what am doing wrong?
To answer your original question,
You don’t feel better because you don’t make any changes,
You just expect the meds to do all the work.
Get out of your four walls and start doing stuff.
I believe you can get better, it’s just going to take some effort on your part.
But goldenrex, how so the meds help the others in just couple of months? why not me too? they all start going out, become reasonable etc? no med for my jealousy? nice… maybe i am not even loved by my mother in plus of this father…why i always should pay some efforts? Ya know, i was to the dentist today finally… a good thing to do… But i am all alone now again like since 30 years… its tiring to fight so alone you know…
I don’t want to be insensitive but we may be schizophrenic but we still have choices.
You may stay isolated for many more years, OR you might make the choice to make a change. Help and success ain’t going to come knocking at your door, you have to seek it out.
If you don’t make a change, nothings going to change.
My life sucks in many ways but I still work on being a better person and making my life better. I ain’t magic or rich or young but hell, I went to a great play last night and had a good time. Today I had to go downtown to see a lawyer and I parked and walked into a restaurant, got a coke and a burrito, found a bench and sat their enjoying lunch outdoors with the sun on my back.
This was no big deal, it was no magic or mysterious hard thing. It was simple because I was doing the right things. Every day for me is an opportunity to improve, a new start. It wasn’t taking a big chance, it was just doing a series of small things that led to many other small things. That’s the trick. Doing small steps that gives me momentum to do other things.
I’m not suggesting going to get a job or joining a gym or whatever, but it is in your power to start somewhere and take a little action. Maybe you can’t do anything right now, but maybe you can make a goal to go out to eat two weeks from now or go to the library in three weeks. I think you get what I mean. You never struck me as an unintelligent person so use your intellect to get yourself out of this hole you’re in. I understand the difficulty but you have to start somewhere. So why not this week or this month?
Meds don’t help you because antipsychotics treat positive symptoms not negative ones
I can understand how you feel
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