Oh I’m so glad! I never wanted kids because I thought I might be abusive towards them, because I don’t know how to properly show my emotions. It comes out as anger or harshness, or submissive. I am working on it though. That’s really good to hear though, phew! That’s a lot off of me
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In therapy, you will be able to learn how to express your emotions in a healthy way. The anger won’t be permanent.
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Oh that’s awesome to hear. It’s like having a switch, or the constant worry that you might snap, because sometimes when I’m angry I don’t feel anything and I can cause serious pain (to myself, but I worry it might be to someone else)
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That is because, right now, your brain is stuck in survival mode. You always feel the need to protect yourself from the threats you’re living with. That is a good response to what is happening to you. It protects you.
When you’re in a safe environment, you can use therapy to learn how to feel safe again. Then, you won’t feel threatened all the time. I still have moments of feeling threatened for weird reasons, but I’m doing much better, overall.
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I just don’t want to ruin my family… I’m getting help from my counselor, but… I will be blamed for all of this. My family will hate me. Is there a chance I can just be in my room a lot until I move out?
Sure if you need to be in your room go for it. My mom asks too many questions. So i know how annoying that can be. I can only imagine if my mom yelled at me how it would make me feel. Not good I know though. My dad used to be pretty nasty and often in a bad mood when I was growing up so I know how that is. It sets you on edge. I never knew what to do or say and i would often try to stay out of his way. Always feeling like you have to be out of the way and just makes you feel terrible. I know it did for me. He still gets grumpy these days but not like he used to. He’s in a lot of pain a lot so I can see why he gets crabby. Anyway I hope you did report abuse because it sounds like you are being treated in very unhealthy ways. Hang in there and talk to you counselor. Maybe you and your parents should get counseling together. I will say I have also learned better somehow how to react and respond and not get so upset about how my dad gets. Maybe you will or your family will change. My dad did so maybe yours will too.
It is ultimately your life. Just know that recovery is possible, once you’re in a safe environment.
Okay just got done with it. Got the same response as my “therapist”. It’s nothing serious or nothing to report. I’ll just deal with it. I give up. They win
I find that deeply disturbing. I’m so sorry that was the response. Please remember that that is not an okay response. You deserve better, and I’m sorry you haven’t gotten it. Do you have any adult relatives you trust who might let you stay with them for a bit?
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No. Too far away. I give up, I’m going to deal with it. No one ever believes me because my memory is so messed up I can’t give them good answers. It’s just not going to happen. “If you don’t remember how do you know it happened?” Is the most infuriating question for me. I just /know/.
A lot of things you said I could relate to in your original post. My problem with my father is mixed messages. When I was little he would try to teach me things like ride a bike for example. And when I fell off, I wouldn’t want to try anymore. But he would make me do it so I did. Fast forward to when I got older, I’m learning things on my own and when I make a mistake, he hounds me for it. Now logically I’m not aware of what’s going on. But in my subconscious my mind begins to say “stop trying”. Same thing with my Step Mom as well but she wasn’t there for when I was growing up so she doesn’t know anything about me, so she can get a pass on that. My Dad should have known better but it was his insecurity that affected me. It was all mixed messages that I received after she came into the picture that made me into who I am today.
Now what I do to correct my insecurities is I think on them for awhile. Like 1-3 minutes. Then I think of something pleasant or something I would rather think of. I used to cover it all up with things I need to do like work. I think a lot of people do that and once they get to retirement age they have all those uncomfortable feelings come up and they try to hide it by going back to work. Might also be why people think work is necessary to survive (when it’s really not when you can have robots do it all)
I’m very sorry. The system should be working harder to protect you. I don’t know what went wrong here.
You can still seek out treatment for your symptoms. Look into the early psychosis treatment centers, and once you have a doctor, ask them about PTSD also. Keep fighting for your treatment. Sometimes it’s an uphill battle, and you are the only advocate you have.
I was also stuck living with my abuser. It is helpful to remind yourself every time something bad happens that it isn’t normal, and it isn’t right. Don’t make excuses or shift the blame onto yourself. You are not doing anything wrong. You might not be able to change your situation yet, but you can create a safe space inside your own head. Keep telling adults, hopefully one of them will do something. I know it’s very difficult to trust the system after it has let you down so badly, but keep trying.
Remember that you will be able to escape soon. You’re almost an adult, and almost capable of living independently. If you have any source of income, start saving up for a place. Keep looking for a good therapist. You won’t be stuck in this situation forever.
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Sorry about your problem with parents.
I have a cold mom and sometimes i really miss a good word and a loving emotion from her . But it will never happen. I think she is overwhelmed by this world that she shot herself away from her own daughter.
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@SupercoolTM maybe your mom isn’t anxious about it. But a lot of parents with teens are always feeling like every little thing can set off their kids and it stresses them out and they’re not perfect so they act wrongly towards the kids as a result. I don’t know if that’s the case with your mom.
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I skipped school today because I’m so depressed and my mom got me to tell her what’s going on with my dad. She says it’s serious but I don’t believe her. And everyone I talk to is telling me not to listen to you anymore, or that being on this site isn’t good for me. Now I don’t know who to trust and I have no one again. But I still believe you
Does your mom believe you?
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I think so. She said it was serious and we’ll talk to my therapist again about it
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I’m glad your mom is there for you.
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Sexual abuse shouldn’t go unreported. That’s serious. There’s no excuse for a parent sexually abusing there kid. Sorry I’m just addressing that, but you don’t have to live with that.
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im sad to hear u have trouble at home, i used to have a lot of it too, sometimes, witouth knowing, and from small things, hate would escalate to points where all would regret, thinks shouldnt be this way. what u have to do, is do everything u can to not feel hate, cause hate i such an ugly destructive feeling. for what i can see,ur parents have some problems, like lots of us have big self problems. u cant stop then for having hate at u, but what u can do is not scalate it back, and absorb it and let it die. its a very hard thing, cause when u are put in unfair situations, its impossible to not feel hate, but what is possible is to control it, like buda or other major spiritual leader told once, those who do bad to u will be the greatest teachers of patience and forgiveness. u will be very exausted and sad from the situation from time to time, but things, with time, always get better. in the end, u will be a mirror, and after some stress, if u send love to ur parents, theres a chance they get better and situation gets better, thats what happened in my family, whe improved a lot in terms of internal fight
this last years, sometimes im hit, but i try to never think to much about it. best of wishes, good luck
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