I shouldn’t post about abuse or my parents. It stirs up stuff psychologically. Yesterday afternoon dreamt about a heated argument with my mum. Just now woke up shouting ‘abuser’ after a dream starting with my mum and ending with my dad.
The thing is I was never physically or sexually abused as a child( physically thumped a few times as young adult by my father ) and the emotional stuff thoughit could have been there, I also wonder if it reflects more aberrant thinking on my part as a process of becoming mentally ill in the way it’s built up consciously,and subconsciously, in my mind.
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I hate my parent choice for me,I blame them for my schizophrenia…but what can I do??
Sometimes they have to break a broken limb for it to heal properly. The fact that it’s a recurring issue with you means you need to talk more about it not less. Sort of a breakthrough in a way as most are in denial there is issues with family members. But I find the more you get people to open up. You will almost always find it’s a major factor with almost all mental disorders.
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Dreams are strange and can mean many things other than their obvious content.
I find the most disturbing dreams to be the ones where I fight with someone I love in the dream and then wake up actually angry with them over the dream experience. I have to consciously tell myself that none of it happened and even at that I still feel lingering hostility towards them.
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That just hit me with a bang… That is exactly what has been happening with me for a while now and creating a toxic environment between myself and a person who needs my help… But I wake up really angry at this person and it takes a while to get back into knowing that it was just a dream.
I don’t think being part of a dysfunctional family, plus being bullied , helped my mental stability.
Though a part of me says my reactions to my parents were a product of my being mentally ill long before I received treatment and the bullying was a sign of my being mentally ill ,and just dragged it out full scale, .
I am ,as you can see, very mixed up about it all.
None of us are really qualified to walk you through it. I think you do need some more help though as I’m sure there will be more issues coming up to the surface as you get deeper into it. Confronting sometimes but the more issues you deal with, the more it helps reduce symptoms.
my mum recently told me that i was an accident and that really upset me, she didn’t need to tell me that but for some reason felt compelled, i sometimes wonder if she likes my sister more than me bc i was unplanned, its not a very nice feeling, i was told recently that i use to cry a lot as a baby as well and that my mum sometimes forgot to feed me, its not very nice to think that you might not have been wanted, i don’t really know what to say apart from that, its just really upsetting tbh, i tried to make a joke out of it but its not that funny.
I have a picture of my mum smiling as she held me when I was a baby. Then I became the son she often described as having been an awkward baby/toddler/child/teenager/young adult/middle aged adult.
Something went wrong somewhere. I wasn’t told I cried a lot as a baby but apparently I was difficult to get off to sleep.
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I’d have found that hard to take.
think that could be normal for some people apart from the sz of course
Parents are human and can say things they don’t realize are damaging. Once, during a terrible fight while I was a teen, one that was entirely my fault and where I was very out of my head, my mother told me, “The only reason you were even born is because your dad liked to ■■■■.” That stayed with me for some time. Eventually I realized she was upset and didn’t mean it, I’ve said terrible things to people I love as well and I stopped holding it against her.
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that sucks malvok. i’m not really big on arguments, i had a few with my dad but they were really trivial or about his drinking but i don’t ever remember arguing with my mum, thats why its even harder bc i didn’t say or do anything for her to say that and i think she said it to make herself feel better bc she had been hiding it, i think she had been talking about it to my sister and were worried how i would take it,
There are a ton of use who weren’t planned. Planning means nothing and doesn’t make you less of a person. Some of the best things in life are surprises.
its more about not being wanted than not being planned tbh thats the way i see it anyway, its hard to know with my mum, i think she likes me but i’m not sure, i think i disappoint her and i can never please her.
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My parents never told me I was but I found out by accident. One of the many things that has come up only in the last few years. I know the feeling of feeling like one that comes with it.
i have to reply to this. none of you are parents but i am. both my babies were accidents but it doesn’t mean i love them any less it doesn’t mean that you weren’t wanted either, all it means is you were unplanned as 99 percent of babies are. this is your paranoia talking, that is all. i was an accident and was very nearly never conceived at all as my mum left my dad about a week after conception. am i bothered by this? not at all. i know that i was wanted as i am a parent and i love my kids with all my heart. i don’t care that they were unplanned. yes when i found out, i was worried but that was just a financial concern not a whether i wanted them or not. parents love their kiddies whether they were planned or not. put your concern aside and know that you are loved. put it this way, would you love your baby any less if you got someone pregnant by accident? i rest my case
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There ya go guys, your feelings and opinions are invalid. The parents of the world have spoken.
not invalid mal, just mistaken and coming from someone who isn’t actually a parent, with no knowledge of what it feels like to love a child, your post surprises me.
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lol, yeah i need to be a parent to have an opinion on my own mother