I keep remembering bad stuff I did over 10yrs ago like stealing a couple of dollars from work daily. I was paid cash and we worked with cash. My boss was so nice to me he sometimes let me take new clothes from the shop for free. I feel like I am a bad person. I also did other bad stuff like letting ppl copy my exam for money in high school, not in college or university though etc I don’t do such stuff or bad stuff now but I keep thinking about the past mistakes I did.
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In high school I also stole food from the cafeteria.
I had bad friends in high school but good friends in college and university. Me and my friends in high school glued porn magazines to girls lockers and to security cameras lol My friend knew how to open lockers so he opened some students lockers and peed in their locker on all their stuff lol So mean.
Also once my friends stole the school projectors to sell them, they wanted me to help them so I can get my cut but I refused, I didn’t go with them. They called me pssy lol
I think this is the point where I normally go:
“Have you considered therapy?”
And then you go:
“Therapy doesn’t work on me!”
That’s my cue to go bang my head on the wall some more.
My head already hurts this evening so I am saying nothing.
NOTHING
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Lol Therapy cures everything for you. Its magic.
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When I had my psychosis I only could remember bad s h i t that I’ve done. And it kept repeating in my mind.
It has become better and I can focus on more positive things now. I am a better person because of it, I want to do what is right.
I say learn from these things. I don’t manipulate nor lie anymore. I don’t blame anyone for who I am etc. I am trying to be a good person, I try to do what is right.
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Anyways I don’t do these stuff anymore. I am probably bored so I am thinking about my past.
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No. But it does take some weight off me and makes my life more livable. It has also been a lot of work over a fair number of years. Shortcuts are extremely rare.
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I was in the worst school in my city, thats why I think as then I went to the best college in my city and I became a better person and had much smarter and better friends.
It’s probably a good thing you feel bad about those things. It means you have remorse. And also, you’re probably right, just boredom causing you to think about the past.
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It would be too good if therapy made bad ppl like criminals good ppl.
I think a lot of people look at what they did in high school and cringe. I know I do. We used to drive like maniacs, putting other people in danger. We did finally have a car wreck. It was a head on collision. We were in a sub sized pickup like they used to make in the late seventies. We hit a three quarter ton pickup head on. We were going 23 mph and the pickup was going 19 mph. That might not sound like much, but it totaled our vehicle. The man in the 3/4 ton pickup was unhurt. My friend lost his knee cap. It is an injury that slows him down to this very day. I got my two front teeth broken in half. They are eventually going to have to remove the caps and give me false teeth. That kind of crazy driving is what high school kids did when I was their age. Every year there was some kind of a bad wreck where kids got killed. I don’t know what we would have done if we killed members of a family, or something like that. Many kids are kind of senseless when they are in high school. The best thing is to put it behind you. Live the best you can to make up for past mistakes.
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Are we bragging about how bad we are? In high school I paid a guy to steal a triple balance beam scale from science class. The scale cost like $300 brand new and I gave the guy a little pot for it. I was selling pot myself at the time and needed a scale to weigh out my dime bags and ounces.
In 10th grade I slept over my friends house and we got up at 2:00 am and hopped a fence into this friend of ours backyard and ripped out her pot plant by the roots.
When I was 17 I got my first job as a dishwasher in this restaurant and got promoted to cook. Everybody was real nice to me there but I quit one night and on my way out of the restaurant I put a chefs knife in each of my socks and walked out. Those knives probably cost more than $30 a piece.
The restaurant used to make these little home made loaves of bread that could serve two people. All us dishwashers used to help ourselves to the bread all the time. One time I stole a fresh peach pie and ate it as I walked home at 11:00 pm.
When I was a busboy at another restaurant I stole a big expensive package of roast beef. Me and the dishwasher always worked until closing time and the restaurant had kegs with wine and beer. Every night we filled up two plastic quart containers with beer and snuck them out back and sat and talked and drank the beer before we drove our cars home.
Which reminds me, half of the times I ever drove anywhere in my first car. I was either drunk or stoned and usually drove with a beer or a joint in my hand.
When I was 15 I lied to my friends mom and told her I had my drivers license so we could take her car out and drive it around the neighborhood.
I don’t feel like a horrible person because of any of this. We were young and did stupid things.
I would never do any of that stuff again and that’s good enough for my conscience now.
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Ever looked at the AA program? Only the first step actually deals with alcohol. The other eleven steps are about fixing yourself so you’re not a miserable, lying, @#$%. Takes a lot of work, a lot of time, and the stress involved with some of the steps is almost devastating for some newcomers. My first sponsor (who has passed) did a stint for manslaughter. Sobered up in prison, attended prison AA meetings, kept going to AA when he got out. Helped a lot of other alkies including me, and even went back to that prison as an addictions counselor where he made a difference. Lots of folks not only still alive because of Ed, but living honest lives and paying it forward.
F##king yes therapy works.
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Sounds like rumination
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Well, at least you have a conscience. Doesn’t sound like you did anything too harmful to anyone. People do worse things to me everyday.
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I think you have a catholic conscience. But don’t worry you won’t go to hell.
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I used to struggle with that issue a lot, obsessing over my mistakes from the past. But my sister simply asked me two questions.
- Do you feel bad about it?
- Would you do it again?
If your answers are yes and no respectively, let it go
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Your sins are small and i think everyone will forgive you. You seem to be a good person, if this is as bad as you can get.
Oh, i have done far worse things and i really regret them, but too ashamed to tell about them.
I know i am a better and more ethical guy now. Thats the good thing about getting older-
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