Before my depression developed I was a highly outgoing and social kid. I got along well with everyone and had no trouble striking up a conversation. I was also a bit arrogant and self-centered.
When I first started getting depressive symptoms I started to become more withdrawn and socially awkward. I started to assume people didn’t like me. Then when my first episode hit I suffered from alogia, I found it very difficult to find things to say and making conversation was now a challenge for me. It took quite a bit of time to rebuild my ability to talk casually with others and it’s still not what it was before depression. I became much more quiet and avoidant of social interaction. These things made me very sad to realize and I felt like who I should have become as well as the child I was died. However I also gained a deeper sense of empathy and humility, and without depression I would not have begun to develop my spirituality, so all of that I am grateful for.
Before my first major psychotic episode I had experienced psychotic symptoms my entire life, but they were more mild and generally only more prominent at night time when I was alone. It helped my creativity and imagination flourish. Also made me pretty fearful. But after my first major episode I developed PTSD, developed problems with anger and aggression, became extremely anxious around many things that didn’t use to cause me stress, developed sadistic as well as masochistic urges and my sexuality became warped and disturbing despite developing an aversion to actual sex. Overall I feel that episode greatly corrupted who I was and lead me to feelings of great self-loathing that have since reduced but are still there to this day.
I was very introverted, delusional, lacking in insight. Before my first psychotic break. Now I’m kind of the opposite. Thanks to medication! I think my “onset” was well before my first “break” though. My illness isn’t the typical route but we all share some in common.
I was odd, had hallucinations already and felt like an outsider from my peers, but I still had the capacity for childish joy, which I lost when things got more dark and intense. (At about age 13)
I became fanatically religious, very serious and deeply troubled…
The birth of my son and his childhood brought some joy back to me through his own joy, and now I’m just learning to be happy for myself. It’s difficult.
I was completely normal, high school wresting team, student body Vice President, had girlfriends. Lots of friends. I went off to a good university and continued to succeed socially as well as academically. Again I was popular, had relationships, dated regularly but I developed anxiety and depression from smoking pot and partying. I left school to go to a rehab program in Florida, that didn’t work, from there I ended up on and off drugs then back in rehab in California. I was on a bender when I started to have manic psychotic symptoms. They went away and then I had a traumatic life event where my roommate died from a drug overdose and the next day I became completely psychotic and delusional. That was 15 years ago and I’ve had 7 or 8 more psychotic breaks since that time from going off my meds. I’m still trying to get back to normal.
Been on the odd side all my life, super hyper as a kid, depression a lot, odd sense of humor, now I’m calmer, more settled in and people that I see at work been asking why I’m so serious lately, which I think is depression sinking in, usually a sign that it has arrived
I was quick-witted, but had big attention problems. When I could focus I seemed gifted. I was getting very introverted. Loving isolation too much. Then at 16 I started hallucinating and my attention problems started getting worse. My mental sharpness was leaving me big time. And it seemed every single year I got dumber.
Before, I was good at socializing. Very introverted but I loved psychology and had great social skills. After the disorder got a hold of me, I lost all my social skills. It was depressing seeing my cousins who I was close to look so puzzled about my quietness and distant self.