The relationship between sz and ocd has become a common feature in contemporary psychiatric literature. For one thing levels of co-morbidity of the two disorders are very high. Those of us diagnosed with both disorders are uniquely placed to judge how bad bad (in this case OCD) can be.
In my case I’ve mostly suffered from obsessional, “pure O” type of OCD. I remember that aged 10 I became briefly obsessed with the matter antimatter problem which I’d stumbled upon in a popular science book (by then I was using my mother’s library card so I could access books in the adult section). By By 12 I was already very ill. I spent an entire year trying to decide whether God existed or not. I literally spent hours every day mulling over the pros and cons until I was able to reach a conclusion (I’m providing no details so this doesn’t turn into a religious discussion). My levels of anxiety were massive.
Over the years I developed countless obsessions about numbers, colours, patterns and language. The world had become a canvas I was continously busy filling in.
In my teens two new developments brought me some partial relief: dissociation and maladaptive daydreaming. I distinctively remember the first time I failed to recognise myself in the mirror. I was ecstatic, the more I looked the less real I was. Maladaptive daydreaming was also OK. Before sz onset my daydreams could run for hours, extremely vivid and detailed and while they lasted it was the only reality I knew. I could get quite annoyed if someone woke me up.
Later for many years I’d see (or vividly imagine) blood everywhere, axes lodged in people’s heads, pools of brain detritus forming at my feet. It happened a few times that I’d be talking to a friend and suddenly burst out laughing because of the violent images that would pop into my head. I even came close to asking how come they couldn’t see the blood.
More recently I found myself internalising supernatural beings that I’d invoke to approve or disapprove of my every action, however trivial. It could get quite scary. Jesus face, for instance, could morph into the devil’s face so I’d realise that I’d been tricked and that I lacked Jesus’ approval. I could spend an entire day silently negotiating with these internal images, despite knowing they couldn’t be real - somehow this distinction didn’t matter at all, I always behaved as if they were real. My big fear if I didn’t obey? The ground cracking up and being immediately dragged down to hell. My ocd gave a whole new meaning to Pascal’s wager.
A happy ending : since sz onset my ocd almost completely melted away.
Ocd was my first clue of mental illness . Counting and stuff since I was around ten. I definitely have some ocd, although not as severe as other people I’ve known. I still count and stuff. I think my delusions are almost obsessive compulsive at this point. More related to familiar thinking than psychotic thinking.
I always seem to have an obsession going on. It’s like I have a need to be obsessed about something. Right now I’m fearful that a car is going to drive by and the person inside is going to shoot me. I have no idea where this came from. I don’t know how to logic it out and be reasonable about it. I spent about two years checking my shoes and slippers religiously, in a very specific way for spiders before putting them on. I spent years religiously putting the light switches in a certain pattern before I went to bed or I couldn’t sleep. I spent one summer obsessing and half hysterical that a spider was going to get in my coffee cup. My sister bought me a covered coffee mug and the obsession continued I couldn’t drink the coffee because I couldn’t see it to make sure there was no spider. For the last 5 years I have developed a form of OCD called excoriation disorder. Basically I pick at my scalp and sometimes my arms and face. It’s a compulsion. Nothing stops it. Recently I’ve made some headway on recovery but it still persists. I’m waiting for the day that it just vanishes like my other compulsions seem to. I’ve had OCD since childhood, When I was young it manifested itself in organizing things repeatedly and counting. I also like things perfectly lined up and will straighten everything everywhere I go. I face the shelves at the grocery store.
It was also my first mental illness along with skin picking and hair pulling. I remember being 5 and being afraid that if I didn’t swallow my saliva I would drown. I also started hearing voices a couple years later but always saw ghosts (make of that what you will). My worst obsession is too embarrassing to even put on here tbh. It’s made me suicidal quite a lot. That’s ongoing but intensity waxes and wanes.
Mine are minor, but I fear it will escalate.
Washing my hands a lot, checking and rechecking locks, constantly checking my phone and deleting my web history.
It’s been about as bad as it can get. It got to the point where you no longer could call it OCD. It could only be classified as insanity. I had the worst of it when I had sleeping problems. I had insomnia for about 3 years straight. And those were the worst years in my life…so far.
Starting to get OCD under control now though. Showing some good sings of improvement.
My pdoc said, that I am a sz, obsessive type lol… all my anxieties are obsessing… I can also repeat a lot some thoughts and actions… I have to work even on this now
I am also dermatillomanic besides everything else… but the thought obsessions are more painful to me
I guess chilling and just having peace of mind could help the most.
Hugs
Damn I dont know if I have ocd but it seems right so maybe you can let me know if it does to you too
I have a compulsion to make weird facial and eye movements at the worst times and it really ■■■■■ with me. Hard to explain but I tend to smile when I should be sad or look at people out of the corner of my eye all the time. I dont know what drives it but its like if you tell me not to think of a big pink elephant Ill automatically think of it
To this day no doctor has really focused on it and I feel it causes most of my problems at this point
I’ll press on water tap levers in sets of 3 then I check underneath with my hand. Sometimes I’ll check it up to 30 times.
Then my latest one is I check the outside of my car windows by sliding my finger to the top of it to see its closed. Then I pull on the handle to see its locked. Then I go around to the other door and repeat the process. Then I’ll think I didn’t do it right so I do them both again and again till it feels right.
I have 2 strategies to stop the checking. 1 is to tell my self “who ■■■■■■■ cares, or I don’t give a ■■■■” or ill take a picture of it locked closed or off
