I was on the Hospital grounds sitting at a picnic table and a murder of crows appeared out of the sky and flew all around me.
I thought they were mini robot-controlled black crows, sent by a Radio Station to make fun of me. Ya know, like, ‘we’re gonna murder you for all of the crowing you’ve done on the internet’.
Weird, huh?
So what was your strangest/ funniest delusional moment?
I like when really-small-men with ties seem to try to explain the f*ck they do finguering their *ss. Sorry for me being vulgar, couldn’t help myself.
Also…
I was missing work because of my paranoia and a La Z Boy furniture truck passed me on the street. I thought the driver was making fun of me because I was lazy by missing work.
I’ve got scores of crazy examples…
Another time I insulted/was rude to a woman on the internet…
A big Street Sweeper drove by my apartment cleaning the roads. I thought that meant the gal whose feelings I hurt was downstairs waiting for me on the sidewalk to ‘sweep her off of her feet’ and apologize to her with a kiss.
“Street Sweep Her”
That’s what I thought it meant. I thought the whole world was waiting for this and there were satellite cameras in the sky going to film it.
A truck drove by me. It read “BOONE” in big letters…
I thought the driver was making fun of me. My name is Patrick. I thought it meant I was the crooner, Pat Boone…constantly ‘crooning my neck around at everyone passing by me’.
I had an in depth conversation with a chicken nugget that was moldy and crawling with ants. It was explaining the constructs of society. I was at school, and in the middle of the quad. Hands down, most embarrassing moment for me. My faithful friend stood beside me as I talked to moldy and ant covered chicken…
The Radio played “Hit the Road Jack” (and don’t ya come back no more)…
I thought the Station was making fun of me…as in I don’t know “Jack $hit”.
So I phoned up the Radio Station and said to the person who answered, “Very funny! But my name ain’t Jack.” Then I hung up.
The next song they played was by Supertramp and I thought they were mocking me…calling me a “tramp” for phoning them.
Once plastic pumpkins were talking with me and I collected them in a restaurant while it was open until I was told to leave.
I got on a stranger’s motorcycle convinced it was equipped with a Flux Capacitor and flipped all the switches to program it to go back in time so I could save someone. I’d never driven a motorcycle before.
When I couldn’t get it to start I parked it in a motorcycle space, because the owner had parked it incorrectly.
Afterward I felt sorry for the guy, but he found it and I didn’t get in trouble (for that at least)
I have my wrong glasses on and initially read that Radio Shack sent the crows.
My psychiatrist sat me down by myself in the smoking room to question me about my delusions. I thought I got a vibe or telepathy from him that he had a big ■■■■■ or somthing so I asked him if he had a big ■■■■■.
I don’t know if anyone else would think it’s funny but I found it amusing a couple of years after it happened.
I was 19 and I had just been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I was going through hell and taking both my parents with me. I was psychotic and paranoid and I was getting in serious fights with both my parents (not physical, though it came close several times).
My actions were causing fights between both of them. This went on for quite awhile.One night we had a particuarly ugly argument and my mom couldn’t stand it anymore and she called up a friend to pick her up to stay at the friends indefiniely.
My dad was worn out with all the fighting and he was his wits end trying to figure out how to deal with me. So at night he went to bed in his room to escape the misery and I went to bed in mine. I knew my dad had a .22 rifle in his closet and I got even more paranoid than I usually was.
I was absolutely convinced that he was going to come in and shoot me while I was sleeping so I locked my door and I piled all my furniture in front of my door. We lived on the second floor of an apartment and I took the screen off of my window and if my dad came to kill me I figured it was better to jump out the window and break my legs than to get shot. Well, needless to say he didn’t kill me and I went into a troubled schizophrenic sleep and in the morning it was time for another battle.
i thought people on TV, friends on the internet were talking about me and mocking me… so i thought there was hidden spy cams everywhere… i would check the air conditioner, poke my hard guitar case with a screwdriver… and sometimes i would try to play songs on the piano… like debussy or the carpenters… and then when i go to the mall… they would play the song… basically strange coincidences like that… the weirdest one was seeing the sign Moya on the road and i thought that meant I was gonna marry Carlos Moya…
I don’t have any personal experiences, as my delusions honestly aren’t that interesting. But my uncle was a paranoid sz and one time he was home visiting from in treatment and the day he was supposed to go back, he went missing. Everyone was looking around for him and couldn’t find him, until eventually the last place they go look is in the attic and what do ya know, he’s sitting there in the dark refusing to come out because if the sun touches his skin, he will turn into an Indian.
I will also share one that isn’t mine but my uncles. He put rocks inside of a vacuum and put it under his bed claiming they would turn into diamonds.
Probably when I thought I was a reincarnated Shaman that needed to journey into the spirit world and reconnect with some spirit guides. What was crazy and strange about it was that I managed to flawlessly grow my own psilocybe cubensis colony, like I was a professional mycologist, and also the delusion lasted for entire 3 months it took me to pull it off, and ended promptly after I tripped on the entire flush at once. Today I no longer think I am a reincarnated Shaman but that was probably the best delusion I ever had. Don’t do drugs, kids.
I thought God told me to strip down to my boxers and go out in the front yard to pick flowers off the bush outside. I did so, and then begged Him not to make me strip off the boxers too. He didn’t. I was so relieved.
the strangest delusion involves a tv show. South park. It was the episode where all the Mexicans go back to mexico because of butters. I remember the next day the news talked of immigration reform and I looked at my partner confused and asked, “i thought all the Mexicans went back to Mexico you know because of butters” my partner just looked at me funny and said, “no that was a cartoon we watched last night”. I would like to point out i’m not racist or anything I was just terribly confused.
The time I was standing in the door to my room, 4am, video taping this mouth of a dog talking to me glass in the corner of the window. An alien (?) being earlier had been trying to access my room through that window by softening the glass and pushing in the center, bowing it inward.
I pushed back, and it just couldn’t get passed the blanket I had nailed across the window earlier in the day.
So the dog starts telling me that wasn’t nice to not let the alien in, that I was being rude.
I got rude back and challenged him to come in if he dared, that I wasn’t afraid. My ego grew too big and the dog had heard enough. out came the barrel of a gun pointed right at me- I went wild screaming for everyone to run, he’s got a gun.
The next thing I hear are heavy footsteps stomping down the wall towards me yelling for me to get back to bed, in was my (ex) husband who was not amused.
“So the dog starts telling me that wasn’t nice to not let the alien in, that I was being rude.”
That might be the funniest sentence I’ve ever read on the Internet! lol!