Agreed.
Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat issued by Q Branch)
Are you ok? Are you seeing someone about your frustration about this?
Also, normals can’t stand schizophrenics and they never take us seriously, so how would your work environment be? The words that come to mind are ‘hostile’, ‘socially uncomfortable’, and ‘extremely stressful.’ Do you have any other goals, like maybe go to college or become an interpreter for the city? …maybe you can become a spy fiction writer!
I mean, this is my chronic fixation, too, but since I’ve had no positive symptoms the past 8 years, just about, I’ve found other outlets and I’ve reduced the time I spend focusing on the agency by a lot. There are other ways to get that fix, like movies, tv, random foia requests…(well, maybe the last one might get you into somebody’s public surveillance database…).
fyi if you do try to apply, they’ll go through all your cyberhistory and likely find this thread with your picture attached…
Then if you do apply, from that moment on (if they haven’t done so already) there will be constant surveillance and psychological analysis (and they’re likely already monitoring the site due to schizophrenics tendency to become fixated on them and I, were I in power, would definitely keep a handful of infiltrators pretending to have mental illnesses with fake profiles hang out here indefinitely and report what we say to their superiors…and thus they’d already know about you —about us— and I’m pretty sure applicants are not allowed to discuss any part of their plans to apply to the agency, anyways…)
Is screening out an entire population ethical or constitutional? meh, i try to have no opinion on that, but sometimes it frustrates me, too.
You have my deepest sympathy, because you are a polyglot (person who speaks multiple languages fluently) and that does seem like a waste of perfectly good language proficiency.
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Ive said this before - I honestly dont think that the Latuda you are taking at this dose is helping much.
You are having serious delusions surrounding the CIA - it does not seem to be getting better.
I would call up your pdoc and tell him/her what is going on with you - it could get worse.
Oh, dang. My cover’s just been blown.
Extraction! I need extraction NOW!
(Nervously waiting for my handler to answer his phone…)
Pixel.
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Its more when I don’t take my medicine with food. I get akathisia when I take my meds so I don’t take them with dinner. Plus my doctor lowered my dose the other day so I’ve took a low dose for like three days
That’s impressive. There are many humanitarian organizations that would love to have you.
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Yeah, maybe its the lower dose that causing the delusions to get worse.
I have a boyfriend and all we do is speak spanish. There’s always more to learn and with Russian I know the basic first class like how to say boy girl and sandwich so it’s not really that impressive yet. I read the CIA has their own language training but I don’t think I can work there due to my mental illness.
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With that said its not completely crazy what I mentioned. My dad has a security clearance so they do exist. I have false memories of him saying he worked for the CIA. Plus mk ultra was real
I think your delusion might be stemming from your dad having to do something with it
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Of course it does. My whole psychosis was a CIA training pyschosis about reading FACS facial expressions very detailed.
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That does make it tricky cuz it leaves you with that element of possibility. It could take time to let it go
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In the mental health facility I was in my roommate put on a movie. The matrix and the whole time an eagle flashed on the screen. It was vhs
When I ate chipotle one night my dad bought two chipotle bowls and said " I know you’ll need one for later" and a wasp that looked like a drone fly flew into the first bowl I opened up. Wierd things like that.
Psychosis is a strange thing that is for sure
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It all started when I had googled the peace Corp and I have a false memory of mentioning it to my dad and he said that’s where they recruit the spooks or spies as they call them and he said if you want a job in the CIA click the apply link online but don’t actually apply because they investigate people who look at the careers section
I’m thinking you need a new career path, that doesn’t involve clandestine operations!
Still think about joining them? I’d say you could have a lot of fun in a less stressful and triggering environment!
Just find something that you enjoy and stick at it!
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In order to be TS cleared, you will require to be cleared psychiatrically. I suggest that you look at other government agencies for a civil service position. They all pay the same rate based on your level. I know several govt employees in security type positions who were reassigned or let go once their symptoms of MI began to appear. It would be too risky for the agency to have someone who could potentially be a security risk, if you relapsed. When getting a clearance, folks come to the neighborhood and ask neighbors about the person “do they drink”. " are you aware of any gambling issues, mental health,marital issues" etc…I live in NOVA and many neighbors work for the govt so I have had the clearance folks come to my door several times.
Look into different agencies that do not require a TS clearance.
I thought I wanted into intelligence work years ago. Thank gott the Navy had better ideas. (The moral dilemmas are like hail storms.)
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