I was completely different. I experienced way more success overall……when I was younger. I experienced more success, because I didn’t hear any voices…… and I felt better overall.
Up to age of 10 I was a go getter
Same… I was sooooooo different so bubbly and happy
I was happy and optimistic. Now I’m unhappy and pessimistic.
I had high grades in school then university and had a job. I was much happier and functional.
Drunk. Addict. Abusive. Exploitive.
I don’t miss the old me.
In high school i was a bit of a space cadet. Always day dreaming, people thought I was stoned but I didnt smoke weed. Id sleep on my desk often, and i did a lot of stupid impulsive things . I think the teachers knew I had a problem cuz they were lenient on me and always willing to help 1 on 1 with my school work. Its a miracle I made it through high school.
I liked mountain biking and snowboarding though.
As a young kid. High anxiety. High achiever. Made good grades. Sometimes a brat. Overall good kid.
High school. Depressed. Barely graduated. Had to go to more school after school and on Saturdays because my grades were so bad. Angry.
College. High achiever. Routinely made deans list. Held 3 jobs. Worked in the community. Was on student council. People pleaser.
Now. Depressed. Anxious. Hyper vigilant. Kind and caring. Working a single part time job.
I don’t miss the old me though. I’ve come a long way emotionally. Just wish I had some of the gusto I did when I was in college.
The first time i heard voices i was probably 13. It was brief but they were yelling at me to jump off the ferry into the ocean. It was a bit unnerving so I had to back away from the railing.
Didnt really hear anything for years after that.
I wasn’t the best before sz.
I didn’t care what people thought of me. No social sensitivity.
my aunt leaving m house when I was married to my first wife, said, “you were always DIFFERENT !!” I was intense in my prodromal years and couldn’t hold down a woman to save my life…hypersexual…long story…did dating ads…all I wanted was to be married and man, thank goodness I drove all the women away after a week or so…one stayed, Shari, (in the book), that’s not her name. broke my heart when I lost her…and then I had my psychotic break…Shari stood by my side after I got out of the hospital but she wanted me to work and I failed three times so she disappeared one day on me. long sad recovery…two suicide attempts between a two year period almost to the day each year…thank goodness I wasn’t successful…anyways…that was me before sz.
Before SZ I was strong willed and could force myself to do things.
I was not believing any delusions and my mind was all to myself.
I was really happy and social. Went to the UK two or three times a year and thought I’d be immigrating there. Had a big crush and everyone thought i was in my early 20s when I was 14, cause I was “so mature,”
High achiever. My main professor wanted to collaborate on a book even though I was only an undergrad.
All that went south in senior year…
Pretty much the same.
I was on the path of destruction. Whatever thing stopped. I was on the edge of corruption. Well meaningless Was abrupt. And now I hang on. By a thread. By world of dictators. Who’d rather see me dead.
No they wouldn’t. You’d be thrown to the curb with all other genetic abnormalities…It’s a total myth that people with mental illness would be psychics and mediums. There’s no evidence for such behavior and they’d be the usual miscreants in power.
You’re right. I sometimes think that I am being targeted though.
Yeah it’s paranoid sz. It’s nothing mystical or magical. I wish it was. I really do…
I dont have paranoid schizophrenia. I have schizoaffective/bipolar with depression. I take my medication regularly, every day. I dont have delusions. I dont hear voices. I dont experience thought broadcasting or anything. Have to avoid a lot of stuff on the internet, news, horror movies etc. I have a very active mind/brain and sometimes I would like to relax more.
I guess the main part is schizophrenia just adds to the pressure of incompleteness that most people feel overall, the human condition is always one of broken-ness. No one is ever satisified. I dont regret my life whether I was born with this mental illness or not, I have been lucid at times, at times not so. Its ok to be broken sometimes.
I think I feared imperfection when I was younger. Getting stronger I no longer fear being different than others, my imperfections make me beautiful, and they are a part of my identity, who I am.