I would’ve still been very avant garde. @Ninjastar saw the pic of me from when I was 19. I would post it here but it has my family in it. But damn"avant garde" is how I would describe myself. Used to match my clothes every time I went in public and I was damn cool. Sz took that away from me. And the love of my dreams. It’s too bad. I would be a 7 years older version of that if it weren’t for sz. Oh well, gotta learn to live with regrets. I would’ve had just as good a personality , but not as much insight if it weren’t for the adversity I faced. But I remember at that age “chasing something” that I really didn’t need to chase… “He searched for the secret too soon”. #regrets looking at old pics.
I had a date to prom but we skipped to play video games and just hit the after parties…I was drinking age at the time so we were toasty…dam Sz…
I didn’t go to prom either. I wanted to ask the HOTTEST girl ever to prom. She was a sophomore. Blonde and model type. She would’ve said yes. She would always smile at me in the halls. But I didn’t have the guts.
Junior year I got asked to prom but said no. I was sick young too but didn’t get really bad til I was19 and 7 months old.
i think about it a lot if i didn’t get sza. i missed a lot of my twenties i got sick at 22 and am now 29. its approaching the date where i got fired from my work because i was sick and hid in the back of the store in the clothes racks and i remember them finding me and telling me to come to their office before i clocked out.
i went to the office around 6:50 am and that’s when they told me i was too much of a risk and fired me. i was able to collect unemployment for a while but i didn’t get ssi until about october or septemeber of 2010 after my hospitalization.
i wish i could work and think like a normie. i miss being normal. it was fun riding around in my friend’s car and she still wanted to hang out with me before she found out i was sz or sza.
At 17 I moved out to a nice apartment, from 18 to 19 I was already making 70k usd a year which is pretty good for Eastern-Europe. I think it’s safe to say I’d be a millionaire if it wasn’t for sz. First half of my twenties was hell, it is only now that I’ve managed to get some sort of balance in mid twenties. Even though I was more successful as a teen than my friends, I was dying inside, much happier and fulfilled now.
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I probably would have PTSD from being deployed in some cesspit!
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If I never got schizophrenia I would be a completely different person than I am. To a great extent I’ve had it all my life as I had problems even when I didn’t hear voices. I never really was normal.
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I think a lot about who I was before my really bad psychotic break. I was a more capable person back then. I did what needed to be done with no complaints. I raised two teenagers, went to school full time, and worked 30 hours a week. But I wasn’t a very good friend. Now, I’m a nicer person with more compassion for my fellow humans. Mr. Star says he prefers me this way.
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I think it’s the same way for you, @Chew. You are a much better person than you were seven years ago when you were Mr. Cool guy.
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I don’t think I was that bad personality wise. I think sz set my personality back for a while. Sz made me angry, bitter, miserable. But in the long run I will be better for it. Like who knows where id be today if not for sz. I’d still be a nice guy. And sz confused me to the point it set back my personality for years. But like osho said “you must pass through the chaos to find the true core”. A 35 year old sz me would be better than a 35 non sz. But maybe at 22 I would have been better off.
I’ve thought about this before, but I’ll never know. I was a little out of place from the start.
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I’d be knee deep in bitches, and have it made in the shade
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I’m keeping me this way, never unplugging from universe I am connected now. I’d be fukin walking dead without my sz. I paid incredible prices at various different environments, and it might have been death or alive scenario sometimes. Even I can’t function in environment with sz, but damn I’m keeping it. Because I don’t see anything else out there.