i think its really hard to pick a worst one because they were all so bad but if i was to choose it would be between the ghost delusion where i thought i was a ghost and the holy war delusion which went on for a long time. so i think it was probably the holy war delusion because it was really really bad. i am so happy that i don’t get them anymore.
Whats the holy war delusion?
I’ve had a number of false beliefs throughout the years. One that bothers me when I think about it was where I thought my aunt was poisoning me. She was a good woman who helped me when nobody else would. She sacrificed a lot for me and never, ever, tried to poison me. I feel bad thinking that she had.
i was deluded that my dad works for the cia and was trying to recruit me because i speak different languages, and had a nonconformist attitude was so bad that i had false memories of being told to click apply on the cia’s website by my dad because it was a way to get a preclearance at the cia but also told not actually apply because they “ignore” requests from those who actually apply as potential spies or people who think inside the box too much, in the memory i was also told to google nanotechnology because if you hit apply and google nanotechnology this prompted the government to become concerned about terrorists and prompted automatic investigations in your life that could end in a job at the cia as a weapon specialist if you were trustworthy enough
the voices began to say that the reason i was being bullied at work and eventually got fired was because the cia sends a regular spy to clandestinely work with you as boss to monitor your behavior. eventually thought they decided to hire me at cia by watching how trustworthy i was, and i even have two false memories of my previous boss mentioning off the cuff comments about cia agents coming to shop at where i worked which “brought back” the false memories of having applied to work at cia.
i thought that they hijacked my internet in my house with a fake internet using spy gear that didnt actually communicate to the outside world but instead used training material so you could know how they really work
as i googled things for information eventually underlying meanings of words changed and eventually the “meaning” came across that the United States was kept such a great super power because the CIA actually implanted agents at all the highest US corporations and CEOs actually tended to work for the CIA. This was supposedly because the US was secretly centrally controlled by the CIA which kinda felt like it made sense in a logical world seeing as how all companies seem to act with a grand plan, IE “green” advertising was all the rage because the government wanted to create another economic growth and simple ceos were pushing it because they were given direction.
voices also said illuminati,scientology and freemason conspiracy theories were not real but started by cia as just one of the way the CIA leaks information about its centrally planned system for training (which it had to leak through this method because noone is allowed to actually see CIA facillities because after VENONA happened they had to come up with a way to recruit agent spies that couldnt be proven in the real world. one thing that came to mind was they said "cant prove god exists, and we want it so you cant prove CIA exists. upon googling CIA couldnt find an office building or local office online so got more reaffirmed it was possibly true.
voices said they do trainings by installing Candida Albicans based nanotechnology in the brain of potential spies. they did this so if a spy was found in another country no proof of telepathic style communication could be found but CIA could still communicate information to you about when they would recover you or negotiations for release.
i was told that wikileaks and zeitgeist were created by CIA and juliane assange was actually a CIA agent trying to distract foreign countries from realizing our economy was centrally planned because we are supposed to hate socialists publically while being one secretly. (cia agents working st public companies to stear growth)
i was told the US goal was to have CIA agents controlling every government in the world, with an end goal of being able to release already created nanotechnology applications in the real world, which was supposedly too dangerous to release when other countries might find out and use them as weapons for evil
they said US already controlled China and Russia with agents and all news created by either government was a stunt to scare countries not infilitrated yet to go to americas side.
WORST of these delusions was when i felt pushes and tugs on my chest and started to think i had a google car style self driving ability. i literallyw recked my car and could have died because i thought “oh well the CIA has my back and the tug and pull is telling me to go around trafffic and its safe” i drove around quite a lot and had seven tickets for running red lights from this, and totaled my car
My worst delusions usually involve my family being tortured, kidnapped, killed, etc. Or that my friends have somehow died from either drugs or car accidents. That’s probably due to me being afraid of death. When my best friend killed himself like six years ago, it really f***ed me up.
I don’t know if it was the worst, but it was the most dangerous one. I could walk on water. I never had a chance to try it out because I ended up in hospital.
I have spent my entire life going to very great extremes to thwart kidnappers away from my kid sis and youngest brother. I’ve taught them codes, how to leave clues… how to scope out buildings… How to find hiding places… how to kick, scream and pull fire alarms when being followed… I packed them little kidnapper kits with paper, pencil, a whistle, reserve food in case they have to escape and be in the woods for a while…
I made them study kidnappers so they know how kidnappers think… I’ve had them hand cuffed the belt loops of my jeans when we go out in public so they couldn’t be snatched.
I’ve written books up on book on how to thwart kidnappers.
I’ve accused neighbor, teachers, coaches, Uncles, and even my other brothers of being kidnappers and involved in human selling and child porn rings. I’ve fought my doc on this one for ages.
When my sister was 8 and at her neighbor/ friends 8 year old birthday sleep over… I broke in to their house convinced that they were kidnapping and keeping my sister hostage.
Anytime there was an article in the paper about a kidnapping I would cut it out and make my sister read it so she knew how dangerous they were.
It’s been a long time… I’ve been fighting this one… and it still comes back. I just have to step back and take logical steps to make sure my family is safe.
A few of my other delusions are rather benign and almost peaceful compared to this one.
I have had a few delusions, but the worst I think was when I believed my mother-in-law was trying to poison me. That was scary and felt very real. Fortunately I moved out of her house with my husband, so its not so bad anymore, and my relationship with my mother in law is a little better now.
The worst delusion I had though, in terms of persevering to bother me, is believing I am faking my illness, and that I am a liar and a hypocrite. The voices tell me that every time they come to bother me.
Being trapped in a laser in a CD player hooked to a computer where the laser was my spirit that Jesus had put there and the computer was on a spaceship while I lived a computer based reality here on earth. Jesus set the spaceship on a course to Fire Lake where the ship was going to deliver the devil to Fire Lake. So the devil was on board the ship where I was a laser in a computer and all these inner prayings on my knees until they bled praying that the devil couldn’t reach me in the computer. Anyways, it was terrifying.
Out of all my delusions…and most of my delusions were based on vivid memories…out of all of them I’d have to say the absolute worst was my delusional belief that there was some sort of bizarre sexual revolution sweeping the earth that I disagreed with and was very afraid of. The reason I say this was the worst rather than memories of being forced to torture people and witnessing horrible things was that this was the delusion that effected me the most.
I mean people would say things that kept feeding into my delusions…everywhere I looked I was horribly reassured that this was in fact the case. And I was so vague in talking about it that even those I was close with couldn’t tell that this was even a delusion. I was in reality making a complete fool of myself…going so far as carving a heart into my wrist because my generation had turned their backs on the concept of love.
I mean…there were those who found my madness endearing and there were none who told me I was crazy or remotely tried to screw with me…I guess…people just thought that maybe there was more going on then they were aware of and that I might have been more in the know somehow…
I can only laugh about it these days…but that delusion was utter hell as it was my last delusion to go because people kept referencing key words from this delusion and thus perpetuating it in my mind. I am glad these days to not be under the spell of this damn delusion…however harmless it seemed…I mean I guess a lot of people even respected me back then but…I was a suffering lunatic the whole time.
That my neighbor was Al Qaeda and had a sniper aim at my head while lying in bed and also have a bomb under my bed I could hear ticking. I had to stay very still and pretend I was sleeping because if I woke up they would kill me. So they tried playing tricks on me to wake me up like flickering my lights and laser pointer in my eyes. They also threaten to cut my head off and skin me alive. I stayed still in bed for hours and this was happening in the morning, i finally got up because I couldn’t take it anymore ducking and running from the sniper lol.
oooh…which one to pick? they’ve all been pretty horrid…some fantastic. i think that the telepathy with with strangers and family was bad. everywhere i went, i could hear them inside my head, plotting to rape and kill me. it was like day of the dead…some sort of telepathic zombie apokolypse…i ran away to london, thinking that nobody would know me but i was wrong…i could still hear all the people, everywhere i went. it was petrifying…can’t actually believe i paid it credence now but at the time, it consumed me. scariest time in hospital for a couple of weeks. by the third week the bubble had burst and i was back to normal. but b4 being put in hospital, the delusion lasted a good 6 months. 6 months of pure hell where every english speaking person on the planet wated to rape, torture and kill me. lol.
Mine was that I was the younger sister of Jesus and had been sent to Earth to be hidden from the devil, but the devil found me and was trying to kidnap me to Hell with him so he could forcibly impregnate me with a half-God half-devil child that would become the anti Christ and end the world.
Dear lord I was so, so paranoid. I was afraid that the second I was left alone in a room I’d be kidnapped. I constantly saw things out of the corner of my eyes too. I kept seeing messages in the clouds from him, and I was afraid that he was controlling them and that clouds could take me to him, so I was afraid to be outside as well. I am so glad that one’s over.
I have grandiose delusions where I believe I have the ability to read people’s minds. And that I know the secrets of the universe and everyone is coming after me either because they are jealous or because they want the secrets for themselves.
I still have this delusion- but I beleived at one point that I was carrying the Anti-christ. Even when the tests proved otherwise. This was before they figured out what I had. dumb amateur doctors… But I still soemtimes beleive I am carrying the Anti-christ.
I thought I could tell who has had a sex change by the way their eyes look , but then I started to believe almost every woman was previously a man. Ugggghhh Haha
I had the Google car effect as well. Thought god controlled the gas and brake. So lucky I never crashed
I used to believe that all the things that are part of the illness (voices, hallucinations, etc) were all part of being one of the ‘gifted’ who could hear and see the dead. I was also overly paranoid that this ‘gift’ had put me at the top of a list of people to be taken out by both people and by some higher being. I had abandoned my phone to avoid tracking and everything.
i had thatt oo but with men, i started to think all men used to be women because of the cia
i used to wonder about the cia too but not any more. i know damn well that they have no clue who i am, nor does the fbi or british intelligence. that’s how i know that another part of my programming is bollox. these people would be dead if any of it were true and they all look fine and ■■■■■■■ dandy to me so i know none of it is true. xxx