Mine was I destroyed the world and was in hell
I was in fear that much
IMO I ptsd from it
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Thinking my enemies were going to hunt me down and kill me
I’ve had a lot of scary ones,
Mainly religious.
But I think my worst one isn’t all that scary,
Just very persistent.
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That there were people living in my closets and crawlspace and were stalking me in my house.
Several. One in a basement flat - where i literally covered the walls in tinfoil - and emailed a company about thermal cameras, where they assured me they couldnt see thru it.
I had church music playing 24/7 with candles on - and even went down the public toilets for a shite - cos i knew they had cameras in mine.
That or the last one - where i was showing messages to the thermostat, (printed out incase they could trace my hand writing) so the nurses knew i was ok.
All pure bloody paranoia.
Or leaving pork pies in the phone boxes “for the homeless” and watering the precincts flowers at 3am with milk bottles. (The police took me home on that one).
I could go on.
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Last time i took mushrooms before the voices started i thought actress Amanda Bynes never was psychotic it was just that she made a deal with the devil and the illuminati made mk ultra experiments with her i made a deal with the devil too and got a chip on my head just like Amanda said she had a chip in her head.
The most upsetting one I had was the one where I believed the devil had taken half my soul.
I still can’t think his name in my head without fearing it’ll prompt him to stalk me and finish the job.
I havent had any real delusions since being 18 when I was put back on medication and stayed on it since then. I did suffer some anxiety and mania, but overall the delusions and paranoia have completely stopped since being on Abilify and I think its because it gave me such a relief and clarity/and I was determined to heal. So on top of Abilify I started reading poetry, and stuff about Taoism/Philosophy. I think the Taoism was pretty helpful, thinking how all things change and nothing is permanent. Learning to shift/ebb and flow with life and time. I think separate the imagination I have always had, with the delusions that happened after trauma and psychosis. Imagination has healed me, and the meds have allowed me to imagine again…I dont want to think about my past delusions/ or confusions or misinterpretations. Why focus on the scary and instead on the light at the end of the tunnel or the tools we can to recover/overcome the worst of this disease…
I am working not to focus on conspiracy theories/ an addictive and toxic habit. I am done with reading or paying attention to people who talk about cults/secrets or mysteries for clickbait or attention. Sure you can speculate anything but no single authority on secret information exists, and be wary of those capitalizing on revealing “top secret” information.
I have sorta blocked out what I was delusional about back when I was having episodes/but it was an awful experience. I do remember I called the police and they came and I was erratically telling them that Marilyn Manson had bewitched my house and showing them the invisible messages on the walls, that suddenly disappeared when they showed up…i know for real that was all in my head…but to me at the time it was real…now I can listen to the music again, but I dont listen all the time…gothic metal’s not always the best…I dont watch horror movies either or paranormal ones…
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I shoudnt have researched that stuff about illuminati celebrities but now im better without the drugs.
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Hell… Because hell is infinite. Life on earth is definite.
According to the delusion I mean…
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Mind control .)3266663)3)3)2(2(
Back in 2019 around november, I was convinced there was an eye in the sky that kept staring and monitoring me everything outside my range of sight dematerialized like a map in a video game. I would also feel like my privacy was violated by the eye and a lot of cameras every where, they saw me do everything. It was very scary lel
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That I had killed someone and didn’t remember. I almost turned myself in
I had this horrible delusion that I had schizophrenia, fortunately it didn’t last long.
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I’ve felt that several times. Sometimes because of vivid dreams I had, but not always. I remember the awful anxiety from not to being able to know if I’d really killed someone. I even asked my then wife if it was possible to forget killing someone. But then again I don’t think it was a proper delusion, just anxiety. Is this what you experienced?
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No I full on believed I had and was going to kill myself over it
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I had a major delusion I was pregnant with twins but thought afterwards in the hospital that I had triplets and had done horrible things to them because I was hallucinating I was told an ex overdosed me on a drug and caused me to do it.
It was scary. I cried a lot believing I was some kind of monster.
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I thought everyone was actors and I was in a play. A tragic comedy lol (no for real thats what I thought I was in)
It still lingers to this day but Id rather just push it all to the side and distract myself. Meds help a lot
Bless your heart.
1515
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I feel that way sometimes.