wht was your first episode of schizophrenic psychosis like
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For me there was no defying line I crossed.
It was more like a long, slow descend down the rat hole. It was a rat hole too, (but not the “Pet Rat” kind-those are good rats) and so not a soft, fluffy, bunny hole that looked inviting.
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Hell 
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It was like agony and ecstacy combined. Extremely alert, constantly searching thinking and trying to understand. A constant flight of thought and deliberation. Pressured speech. Magical sensations, the absolute excess of the human thought process. In hindsight much of it was muddled thinking which led to no particular logical conclusion.
After psychosis I experienced roughly the opposite of what I had had. Poverty of thought and speech, yet I was exquisitely emotionally sensitive especially to fearsome things which reminded me of my episode. I think they call that post traumatic stress disorder.
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I was 18 and thought I was in the Truman show. I thought my friends were talking in code to me. I thought the radio and tv were speaking to me. I thought my friends had hacked into my computer and phone and were monitoring me. I thought everything happened for a reason. I hallucinated things. Probably more. Luckily I had enough insight to go to a mental health clinic at the time although it took about 5 years after that and a few episodes for me to understand fully that my head was not quite right.
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It came in like a lamb and left like a lion.
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Terrifying, traumatic, but also extremely exciting
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Honestly I don’t remember much. That’s not what I want to remember forever.
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Compared to getting a refund from Amazon.com for a book they shipped me that I never ordered it was like Christmas.
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I lost myself in a mire of what I thought was truth. stuck but enveloped in layers of all I longed for …
I forgot day and night dream and sleep what was “real” and what was “not.”…the first time it happened to me I attacked my boyfriend begging him to kill me or i’d kill him for letting me live this way…voices screaming in my ears…the next time I went to my psych and said basically I need to be locked up or im going to die
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I actually think my religious delusion (The fanaticism) saved me from just being terrified and freaking out. I had been hearing demons in my closet and had already been “rebuking” them…so when they showed-up, I just kept rebuking them and praying. I prayed “in tongues” before I had ever even heard of praying or speaking “in tongues”. I’m sure I would have been quite a sight if anyone had cared to notice me. My mom was in a bed-ridden depression during this time…
Anyway, it crept in but then it was intense. I was miserable and self-abusive when the demons got the upper hand, but was so immersed in reading the Bible, praying, going to church and Bible study, that I thought it was all really happening as part of being a devoted Christian.
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I smoked weed every day. And every time I smoked, I got a little paranoid. Then one day it was the big one. Never been more paranoid in my life. As soon as my friends dad said “what?” I knew something was off.
I went to the store with some friends and looked at video games and all I could think was that was meant to torment me. Then we got in the same Dad’s truck and that was even more paranoid. I could see this black ball rising from beneath me and covering my field of vision. I got them to take me home and I blacked out as soon as I entered the door.
I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by my family. I was transfered to a mental hospital, spent two weeks there and left at my leisure.
Spent the few months thinking I was being watched on facebook and my friends tormenting me. My friends were actually tormenting me.
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Bizarre. I thought I was being hunted down by demons on earth.
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