I just don’t get why I’m not functioning properly. I feel like I’m disabled mentally. I don’t agree with pdocs diagnosis I sent even believe in mental illness to a certain degree.
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When you’re mentally ill sometimes your mind tricks you into believing that everything is fine. Make a leap of faith and trust the doctors and see what happens.
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Thanks @everhopeful I honestly feel mentally fine but at the same time deeply tormented. I’m so confused.
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Yeah I feel the same way. I honestly don’t really believe I am mentally ill in my head but I know my diagnosis so I treat it like a mental illness and take medicine now especially, and things actually got easier…
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While your mental illness allows you to think about other things while suffering symptoms in some specific area for most or rather many of us severe mental illnesses take away from our ability to have insight or the ability to contemplate what’s going on with us. The presentation of symptoms in individual schizophrenia patients across individuals is characterized by baroque diversity. Completely at random you ended up with sz aymptoms which cause you to obsess over your hands and your preoccupation with removing them. If this specific thought process were cured, you wouldn’t need remain hospitalized and you could go back home and be with your son, work get married etc.
Now we are examining your issue in terms of the individual problems rather than focusing on the whole. Either you get rid of the hands and move on without them, alternatively you would simply stop talking about the hands and be discharged, final scenario sees you benefitting from some medication (likely not clozaril or olanzapine as these make ocd worse and that is what it sounds like you have) no longer being preoccupied with your hands and reintegrating into society, not quite the same person you were before exactly but you know what I mean.
Thank you for youre detailed reply. I think alot of what you said makes sense. I am also preoccupied with the police. Have been sincentives 2015. I’m not diagnosed with sz at present but have been in the past. I have two police men in my head and they bicker how I should kill myself. The pdoc says I have a complex delusional system whatever that means?! Lol.
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Preoccupation with the police is something even non mentally ill people suffer from. I think it may reflect paranoia, it is a paranoid fear as you (seem to) suffer from features of the paranoid subtype of schizophrenia.
Delusions often manifest themselves in complicated interrelated ways. They can sometimes for convoluted networks of delusion which promote, build on or exacerbate each other.
For example (each declarative statement is a delusion), I’m being watched, my window is the hole in my security, drones are involved, donald trump is trying to track me…Oh! I have a tracker in my ankle. Now I have to perform surgery on myself to remove the tracker.
So you can see from this exemplary thought process that people can keep coming up with new delusions which build upon others in the system. They can be amazingly disconnected, weird and terrible and all consuming feeling. So you’ll say for example that “I know deep down”, there you are illuminating the definition of delusion. It is simply a gut feeling which comes to a person like any thought, the difference is that it but does not fit into reality.
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I think you are very intellingent. Have you studied about this or is this your own knowledge?
Sometimes I’ll think of something and immediately it will stick like mud in my head and like you say I will come up with lots of things around that. But still I believe and don’t see it as an illness.
I am able to look at others perspective but I still know I hold the truth and it’s hell. I’m trying to see what you guys are saying but I don’t see it. I truly think I’m in this twisted world and I’m willing to ‘die’ to return to the real reality.
I also don’t believe im unwell because I’ve been accused oncell by a pdoc feigning so I think in my head I must be feigning again. The other pdocs and nurses and psycologist don’t think that. Plus I am very coherent so if I was unwell wouldn’t I be jumbled up. I know my thoughts feel like scrambled eggs but that has improved with meds or perhaps the police are just laying off it to make me look crazy.
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