Hello. So almost a year ago I was off my meds and was very delusional. I believed I was a psychopath that fooled multiple psychiatrists into thinking I was schizophrenic so I would get disability checks.
This is far from the truth. Schizophrenia ruined my promising career in network security, a job I loved and still miss.
The problem is, again, almost a year ago I went on reddit and made these delusions into posts where I “confessed”.
I’m a good creative writer, which meant I was so convincing that a reddit user sent me a very formal message informing me that screenshots of these confessions were sent to a fraud department in the United States (he provided a link, it was legit).
I still stress over this, and half expect the police to show up someday, even though it’s been so long since it happened.
Should I be worried? Or should I trust that even if approached by authorities that the truth of it all will be seen justly and that will be the end of it?
By the way, the psychopath delusion only ended this past January, where right before then I hospitalized myself because I deeply believed and feared I was a danger to others. Worth mentioning, all psychiatrists insistently told me I was definitely no psychopath.
Embarrassing as this is to share, I’m curious what you all think about it.
Reddit is pretty anonymous. Besides, your disability is based on the fact that you have delusional thoughts. I would guess that any official reviewing your case would be able to tell you were delusional based on your writing.
Sometimes ji also think that im pretending to be schizophrenic. But i know im not pretending cause i can sit in mental health hobby center and not feeling im different than other patients.
Maybe if you wanna know if you really have sz …then think…do i hate the mentally ill? If you dont than you are schizophrenic.
I remember my first psychotic episode, it was before I was diagnosed sz, and I was doing weird ■■■■ and had the community mental health team visit me at home.
Shortly after they had left I phoned them up, saying ‘Sorry to waste your time, I’m not mentally ill’ or words to that effect. I believed it was all real.
We don’t have much awareness of our illness, I think the old cliche is true ‘crazy people don’t realise they’re crazy.’ If we did know, then we probably wouldn’t do it.
Have you had a review yet? I got one at 3 years after getting benefits. Maybe just wait for that. But I doubt a Reddit post is much evidence of anything.
That being said, I also doubt I have sz. Especially now that I’m so far removed from my really crazy unmedicated breaks. It feels like I made it all up and I’m just playing the system. I still get breakthrough symptoms, but those can be easily talked away. The hangup, though, is the negative symptoms. This is beyond laziness. This is something else.
I’m rambling because I’m tired. Hopefully this makes sense. I lost track of what I was saying.