What is this, delusion?

I have been avoiding the agency, I’m court ordered. Not showing up for case management, therapy, or med reviews. The agency has come to my door four times. I don’t answer, or my housemate does and I’m away. I told the case worker where she could find me, and gave her a date and time. I’m concerned she is going to show up with her boss, and possibly and want an evaluation.

I’m thinking about how the neurons are eating the other neurons in my brain. Due to lack of eating, the brain will eat itself, and it’s been six days of me not eating anything. I don’t know at what point the brain cells start to become cannibals, but I have a hypothesis that my neurons will eat away all the faulty connections and firings, leaving me to function in a more efficient way.

Already I am becoming more prolific, I am composed of subatomic and elementary particles, but zone in and it’s all energy. Productive, churning in the 11 systems of the body.

I have an insatiable need for knowledge and order in the environment. Such precise thinking.

Being in a store, I observed innate behavior, the kind you see people exhibit when they are out in a decent public place. I couldn’t mimic the naturalness of their behaviors.

I even got asked by an employee to make a drug deal.

Worried about: crashing, and “peace officer” involvement.

You neurons won’t eat themselves. Funny suggestion though.

Holy ■■■■ 5 days? Eat something already.

Good luck sorting things out with your case manager.

Take care of yourself yakdip. Glad you chimed in, was just wondering earlier where you’d been.


You sound as if you are off you are off your medication. If it were me, I hope that I would 1. Eat something. 2. Take my medication. 3. Start talking to the professionals that are trying to help.

As important as what I said seems to me, I look at my words and think, would I have believed that when I was psychotic? I’m going to give this more thought, and hopefully get back to you.

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Does food sometimes ruin your productivity?

Not at all. Aren’t you hungry? Just eat something.

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What do you mean by productivity?

Seems to be better things to do than focus on where and how your going to get an intake of nutrients.

Off medications, yes. For over two months now.

Have an appointment with a worker to meet at a coffee place tomorrow. Worried about getting sent away.

You think about your thought, Aberrant. Thank you for your correspondence.

Not hungry I’m afraid. That means my metabolism is off-kiltered. I should probably eat something. Don’t know why there is anxiety over eating.

By production, I am seeming to make a link between the lack of food I am receiving, with the amount of information I can retain, and how many solutions I have to solve our current issues.

There is probably some other link.

Healthy diet will give you a healthy brain.

Really you gotta take care of yourself.

What kind of problems do you really need to solve?

You do sound a little crazed, no offense intended, sort of comes with the illness.

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It’s a perfect kind of brain distortion, it always shows up as the most fitting outcome.

The most important problem to solve would be for an un-biased as possible, non-side taking, informational planetary leadership, with a secular humanist, moderate-independent system, or what ever that transcribes to in your native region. Documents created with fluidity in mind. But unlike any others, the entire world participates.

I just want to spread the idea. Create a sort of blueprint of the forthcoming. Be able to withdraw from the formation and replication of the by-products of other ideas coagulated together, to use for energy manipulation.

That’s all interesting to think about but no one person can change the world even if they figure out a better system.

You should relax and focus on what you can do in your life that will benefit you. There are professionals out there who are working on this stuff.

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This is like the time I was laughing at the primitive routines during the riverview life. When you can gather all the information, understand the properties of the universal cosmic consciousness, but have no idea how to implement it to make a difference in the world. It is such a non-communicable message to bring out.

Yeah, unfortunately it’s not worth trying to change the world.

I personally don’t believe in any consciousness beyond that of the animal kingdom, which includes humans.

It is to be able to be reached by deductive reasoning, any question you wish to have answered. This is cosmic consciousness in a sense that we are so aware of the physics throughout the universe, that anything can be calculated. Thus everyone is conscious of each other and there is no prime directive.

In an abstract sense I guess your right.

There seems to be a fine line between the abstract and concrete actuality-reality lately. Sorting issues are not performing simple tasks as differentiation and proper brain retrieval. For anything.

Don’t forget the probabilistic mechanism that underly everything. Perhaps things aren’t as concrete as you’d like them to be.

Everything has a probability and a ratio, the physical and chemical makeup of matter is never 100%, unless matter is a pure element, and even that has speculations. And the way the matter interacts with other matter can provide an abundance of outcomes, changing patterns, shifting chances, not knowing the outcome. Shrodingers cat knows. Or doesn’t know. Or both does and doesn’t know.

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Well yakdip I think you might be thinking got hard but you certainly are interesting.

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Once you’ve fallen under the thumb of the mental health system it is hard to get out from under it. I hope you do okay.