Thanks xx need to hear some nuggets to put in my play that is going into production next year
Still editing it
Still not possible for me to get back inside my own schizophrenic mind
I have a section where The protagonist has voices of other people in the ward from the other room asking her to come in and Join them
Perfect paranoia example … she’s sitting in bed
Other bits where they call her fat and say things like 'try And get rid of us ’ type of thing which is also non realistic
Can’t get as mean
And I can’t rap
Another section I’m unhappy with is an exchange between two people who think they are in a relationship speaking to each other through the microphone
It’s also a bit lame
Wish I could come up with all this. I’m struggling
The play is done… It’s all written… I’m just not very impressed with those parts of it
I try to forget the things that aren’t helpful…Sz isn’t just a play for me, it’s not something I can have when necessary to make interesting text.
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You think I’m an outsider?
Outside of what?
That I’m an outsider to sz?
What makes you say that?
Saying you can’t turn it on and off… it’s not just a play
I am the same so I’m finding it difficult to replicate so I’m asking for help
No one said you weren’t.
Maybe your pdoc was right and it’s too much for you to handle, can you give the play for someone else to read and express your concerns?
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Okay thx I read you wrong
People have read it
I just can’t get realistic and mean enough
I’m not a rapper either
(There is something pretty ‘rap’ about it all)
I hope it isn’t too much, I’ve been awarded £10000.00 from the national lottery to take it to community venues and theatres
Getting Community and professional actors involved finding a director and stage managers and all costume, accounts, organising venues for rehearsals
Some strain will lessen once I have a stage manager in place, but then I’ll be on the sidelines making the coffee
At one time I thought people were implying I should commit suicide everywhere I went, including the ward. Like, some psych tech would be talking to me on the ward, and she would say, “You’re going to end up staying in places like this for the rest of your life, and that’s just a was waste, just a waste,” and I would think she was implying I should commit suicide. I twisted every conversation around in my mind to where I thought they were implying I should commit suicide. It was an atrocious feeling.
Crimby , that’s horrible…
Not had that too much of that myself just the odd jab
Always been scared they’d go there on some level - sounds bad
Thx X
Alright, this just seems a lot from the stress to me, try to keep it light and easy for yourself. A big hug 
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Thanks Minni,
I think the worst that can happen is I could duck it up
But I’m not afraid of that since it’s just my creative thing…
I looked at it like a vanity project (downer) until i remembered other artists who write star and direct stuff which is pretty cool
That was recently and it took a lot of the pressure off - not thinking it’s all wank
Of course that’s not the worst thing that could happen I could end up in hospital
Etc etc
Just hoping and keeping it in my stride really
Breakthrough symptoms- etc
Yes, stay attentive to any signs, your voices flaring up is one of them… Maybe a trip to your pdoc would be in order?
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Thanks Minni x I can’t see things slowing down…
I am taking it all lightly… only thing I can do now and well pointed out x thx
I’m now part of a group of writers whose leader said that when I’ve finished with my play there will be 10 writers to choose a script from for the next one so it seems like I’ve fallen on my feet so long as this 10 year recovery holds out
I’m sure it will all be okay, just try to take it easy!
And good luck 
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