What I feel and felt and thought!

Like I always felt I experienced an Illuminati trauma in college in 2011 or some type of traumatic alien abduction in college in 2011, but I blame or the aliens made me think it was the government. I always enjoyed and liked the government and think it’s essential, although not necessarily always good. I do love my country and consider myself to be patriotic, but I think ignorance and trauma and confusion has made me blame the government (well, Illuminatis working for the government) on what happened to me in 2011. I think I was in the SSP or Monarch Programming and even Montauk Project, but I don’t know and am trying to move on. In my dreams, I joined the Illuminati in a past life but the illusion is this is my first life when it’s like my infinite one…and I feel none of this is base reality or real like a simulation or matrix.

I think the aliens want me to falsely blame the government for my feelings or beliefs I was tortured, but perhaps, it’s just a sensation or schizophrenia. I really don’t know why. It seemed over-the top like maybe I posted I was Satoshi Nakamoto on Facebook or something in my original life while high from pot or John Titor or something like that or maybe around the time Donald Marshall posted he his original Illuminati Facebook post.

It’s possible I just have schizophrenia and it was caused by pot but I feel like I have severe trauma and was severely tortured or something perhaps just what I feel and in my head now. Maybe it was something else like the recall, trying to remember, the headaches, and delusions and confusion and reading into things, etc.

I feel like I was cloned or droned or turned into an alien. I also feel like I was tortured and died millions of times but there’s no proof. It’s just consciousness transfer and ‘false’ recall/memories and lucid dreams (recall).

I feel like my life was destroyed. My family is normal and good and everything but I was the first one to experience something like this.

They say it’s not real or true in this reality or any reality.

I get thoughts but I think they confuse me. It’s like trying to figure out what really happened to me. Maybe it was a different time in a parallel universe or some crap. I really don’t know.

I’ve seen pretty much most if not all alien types in my past lives. Most were negative and I also had negative human experiences too.

I’m under the belief that Christ protects me from these ‘demons’. It feels like time travel to say the least, and it’s been going on for near infinity and eternity like constant, endless reincarnation.

I really don’t know what else to say or add anymore.

Thank You!

I saw this old case study. Early days well before meds of this English craftsperson well before meds…

It’s in the litereature but they describe their symptoms and it’s like yes…this is paranoid sz. The basics were that the French were sending him messages/thoughts etc via a machine. Said punter was a bit older like me so I could relate…but. You could see went psychotic in the normal terms at about 30 much like me…

I’m curious. If you hadn’t read about John Titor or time travelling or any of that stuff…I still think you’d promote such things but in different ways…I would suggest the basics would be sz/psychosis no matter what…??

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I wonder if this perception of trauma you have could be from repressed memories. Usually if something traumatic happened and you dissociated so that your everyday mind won’t be clear that it happened, it still influences you subconsciously, and you can feel hurt or lower without understanding why or be averse to certain things without understanding why. What you believe happend to you involving the illuminati, aliens, time travel, etc., sounds too unrealistic to be what truly happened. Your brain could be trying to rationalize the changes you’ve went through by these fantastical explanations because you can’t remember what actually happened - and probably what actually happened was something more realistic.

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Thank you for your excellent post and response!

I don’t know. I’m sure there’s some rational explanation, but I’ve read others with similar stories and stuff. Only explanation would be shared delusions or mass psychosis or some crap. But most of it happened in my other lives or parallel timelines at different non-linear time points – like it could have happened in the future but in a different parallel universe in my past life and I’m remembering the trauma. I don’t know.

I think the simplest explanation is I had a bad drug trip and maybe I saw or witnessesed or experienced some type of trauma that was traumatic for and to me, but I don’t know.

I’ve seen ufos above my house and they sort of attacked me in 2015/2016. I also think I’m being messed with or was for some time. I also started looking up Donald Marshall around 2019 (from looking up my posts) and googled the Illuminati and now I’m experiencing that crap sort of in my dream state. When I google ‘illuminati’ on my phone, the https connection goes away (SSL) and is unencrypted…

So I don’t know. I’ll never figure it out. But I just want to talk about my trauma and crap and let it out!

Illuminati stuff isn’t anything schizophrenically. Earthbound hierarchies and such. Nothing. Just think of God. Don’t try to process all the illusion until you’re stable and thoughts settle down.

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you need to stop believing all that stuff, get as far a way from it as possible and dont keep looking at that stuff, its only going to reassure your delusion. I know its not easy but you need to work at forgetting it, tell your self it doesnt matter. Instead of thinking about that stuff, find stuff you like doing, like a hobby or just do things that make you happy. I know its hard once to seen the illuminati stuff to forget about it, it takes work, try telling yourself that stuff just dont matter…

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Ya, it can be quite entertaining or devestating to say the least…

I believed in simulation theory back in 2011 but ya I keep saying and feeling it was either an alien abduction or MiB type encounter, but I don’t know. Now, I get weird dreams like aliens are doing it calling themselves Illuminati and have a Donald Marshall type experience at the cloning centers, but it feels like a past life and I recinarnated. Makes me get all philosophical and into physics.

It’s so advanced I think it’s like a type 5-10 alien civilization doing it. I have my own views here and beliefs but ya, it’s pretty traumatic and scary.

I have dreams where they told me John Titor was an alien (it’s a hoax) but I felt like I was him and was from a more ‘advanced civilization’ which I think is ■■■■■■■■. I think it’s doable and the physics makes sense lol…

That and I get delusional thinking I created bitcoin but was messed with by aliens and Illuminati so much I literally don’t exist anymore. I must have a genuine case of the schizophrenia to believe that crap and nobody believing I created it. I sometimes doubt I even did it.

I literally think the aliens gave me schizophrenia on purpose like an eternal curse, really.

Maybe I’m jumping on the Donald Marshall ‘band wagon’ so to speak. That is not my intention nor to get attention, but try to ease the headaches and stress and perceived trauma…

Like in the Montauk project wikipedia page, they say there is a ‘weapon’ that can drive a person ‘insane’ at the ‘touch of a button’. I literally felt like this happened to me whether it was real or not or a bad joke.

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