Exactly that. That is the EXACT thing I regret. I pulled my parents through hell with me… I stole money from them, I said horrid things that were in NO Way true, I push my younger brother quite hard once and he almost broke his arm. I threw a television at my other brother… I am very ashamed of the person I was.
I was so paranoid, I was so angry and my perception of everything was so wrong. But at the time… firmly against meds.
Plus… I really damaged my kid sisters life.
When other kids were out playing… I was training her how to avoid kidnappers.
At 16 she had friends who were getting out and going to parties… she was home cleaning my apartment and making sure I took my meds… and didn’t wander off… or do something rash.
Other then that… I also regret how far back I feel. Again… people my age, back at 17 and 18 were graduating and going on to college… I was in hospital, barely got my GED. I was so far behind due to this illness.